Parabled
by Lynn M.
Can you identify a situation or circumstance in your life when the way you put the world together came undone? When significant and important meaning seemed to disappear? Dr. Ludwig warned us that this week’s assignment is hard! What is hard is deciding which life event to choose and revisiting times in my life that were painful!
In class, we discussed how in parables our polarities come undone. Our human mind divides people and things into categories but those categories are ours not God’s! (Ludwig) So how does Jesus shake us up? “Jesus told the crowds all these things in parables; without a parable he told them nothing.” (Matthew 13:34 NRSV) What does he want from us? Jesus wants conversion and healing!
Married at age 23 in the Catholic Church to my husband of age 29, what did I think about marriage as a young woman? I came from a long line of Roman Catholics, and marriage was a lifelong commitment and in marriage you had children. I thought I would grow old with my spouse, “until death do us part”! There were no divorces in our family’s legacy as far as I was aware. My parents, who married after only knowing each other 49 days, were working class people with five children. Their marriage was troubled but divorce would never be an option and that was one message I learned clearly throughout my childhood.
So imagine what heartbreak I experienced when I found out my spouse was unfaithful and I had two small children. After one year of living with him (knowing he was unfaithful), I could take no more. I kicked him out one summer night but thinking we would have a period of separation while he recovered his senses and come back to us! Well, the separation lasted a long six years with much money wasted on counseling when he had no desire to change. Eventually, a divorce occurred and I was devastated to my core with responsibility for my two children 24/7. How could this happen? We were married in the Catholic Church, he said those vows and as my faith flourished-he said he did not believe in God! At that time in history, divorce was not as common as now and most of my social circle was primarily married people. I was the woman with the big D on her chest and it was humiliating and a cause of much shame for me. I had thought my husband would always be there for me and he was my provider-anger like none I had experienced before ate at my gut-I was miserable! He robbed me of my best years and unborn children. How would I ever recover?
During the time of separation, I attended a marriage/divorce recovery program at a megachurch in my area. Each Monday night, we had teaching and small groups-the focus was working on our part in the breakdown of our marriage while presenting hope/healing for the future. It was through this ministry that I obtained permission to pursue divorce. Most of all during this time, God showed me how I had idolized the institution of marriage and the way I put my husband’s every wish before God. I had thought that it would be forever and now that it was not-my pride was severely wounded and I was only thinking of myself! I had done everything “right” in my separation. I witnessed restoration of other marriages in this ministry, stayed faithful to my spouse and was a responsible, loving parent-but I still ended up divorced!
My way of being “parabled” did not happen in one distinct moment-my conversion came over time. I was “proud” to be a married woman and at the start of my singleness, I had to find a new set of friends as no one wanted the “divorcee” stealing their husband. As a married woman, I did not think of extending hospitality to the single person. Am I different now? You bet-my home is always open to singles and have devoted my home for God’s use, not mine!