Conquering Your Emotions
Buongiorno a tutti (Good morning everyone)!
My first post, yay!!! (Un)fortunately, Bachelorette mania is over. *SPOILER: The guy I picked to win, whom was also my favorite since the beginning, won- aka Jordan! I’m starting to think I have a real talent for this sort of thing. Also, Chase for #TheBachelor, amirite??* Now, with my attention no longer concentrated on who is getting the final rose, I have shifted my focus to two things:
- Following and stalking Jojo and Jordan on every social media platform possible
- Packing for Rome!!!
Personally, and I consider this to be one of my biggest flaws, I find it hard to get excited for something until it’s actually happening, until I am finally there experiencing it firsthand. So, this entire summer when people have been asking me if I’m excited or if I’m nervous or if I’m feeling any type of emotion, I give them a polite nod, but in reality, I really don’t feel anything. Of course I can’t wait for the adventures ahead of me, but it’s hard for me to put these feelings into words. However, now that I was given the opportunity to write this blog, and now that my friends and I are discussing all the places we want to go, my cold heart is starting to be warmed by the thoughts of leaving so soon for the Eternal City. I even got a countdown going on: 19 days until departure! Sooo, I wanted my first post to be all about the emotions I have been feeling and to give advice to those of you who may read this as a way to decide whether or not to study abroad at all. Andiamo (Let’s go)!
The summer leading up to my departure has been nothing but a rollercoaster of emotions; however, I have the tendency to internalize what I am feeling. I hate looking weak because in the eyes of others, I should feel nothing but happiness because I am so lucky to get the chance to experience something like this. And don’t get me wrong, I do realize how lucky and privileged I am to be able to undergo such an adventure. But I can’t help but feel distant from the entire thing, it just doesn’t feel real! I have theories as to how its going to be, but I can’t be too sure until I get there. And I’m especially trying not to think about not seeing my family for three months. Yeah there’s Facetime, but after nannying my nephew for the entire summer, it’s just going to be weird not to see him for so long. Hence why I’ve put a wall up. It’s worked so far.
UNTIL, the other day, the anxiety and nerves overtook me out of the blue, which led to an inevitable cry sesh (twas eventually cured with a pint of Ben and Jerry’s The Tonight Dough and a showing of Pride and Prejudice, the Keira Knightly movie version obviously). It was then that I realized how out of control I felt, that I was going across the ocean to places I’ve never seen, and I started to question whether I made the right decision to study abroad. I chose Loyola because I loved the school, but most importantly because it was so close to where my family lives. And I don’t want to question my decision because I definitely know that this is about to be one of the greatest semesters of my life!
I started to read about others experiences and noticed that I wasn’t alone in my feelings of nervousness, which gave me great comfort. I also talked to my friends, who will also be studying abroad, and they emphasized their fears as well. All of this made me realize that having these types of emotions is very normal. You are a departing for a country that you know virtually nothing about. You may know specific landmarks or sites or you may even know a bit of the language and customs like me, but you can’t be sure how exactly life will be until you get there and have lived there among the people and culture for a few days or weeks. I know it’s hard to believe, but you are here for school, so it won’t be all traveling. Instead of focusing on the things that can’t be controlled, such as the people you meet or the experiences you may have, try to center your mind on what’s important, that being your education. These thoughts have calmed me because it reminds me that there will be people in my classes who are going to be experiencing everything at the same time as me. So, I keep telling myself ‘Don’t be afraid to ask for help! This isn’t a sign of weakness, it just means you are willing to learn.’
To reiterate, it’s okay to feel things, whatever they may be. The worst thing you can do is be like me and bottle these emotions and then have them all hit you like a train. When you think about it, everything in life is a leap of faith. Every choice you make isn’t an easy one, but I am a firm believer in doing what makes you uncomfortable. Yeah, that sounds weird, but by doing the things that make your stomach clench with nerves, the chance to learn a lot about yourself is there. The only person who is stopping you is you.
As the weeks go by, you’ll learn that I love to blab on and on and on, but I just have a lot to say! (-: I want this blog to be a lot of things. I want to highlight my experiences for my friends and family, I want to give advice and tips to future study abroad goers, and I want this to be a source of clarity to those of you who may have questions or concerns.
I hope you all find enjoyment in reading this as much as I did writing it.
Arrivederci i miei amici (Goodbye my friends)! <3
–Clare