{"id":44,"date":"2010-07-15T16:01:04","date_gmt":"2010-07-15T16:01:04","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.ipsinaction.com\/ips\/?p=44"},"modified":"2024-06-20T15:40:19","modified_gmt":"2024-06-20T15:40:19","slug":"parable-faithful-wife","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blogs.luc.edu\/ips\/?p=44","title":{"rendered":"The Parable of the Faithful Wife"},"content":{"rendered":"

by Lisa H.<\/em><\/p>\n

Jesus used parables in his ministry to turn \u201cfundamental presuppositions and assumptions upside down\u201d (Ludwig, 4). Sometimes we too have to be knocked over the head and shoved out of familiar territory with a truth so opposed to our usual thinking that we can\u2019t believe it could be true, but on the other hand, we just can\u2019t ignore it no matter how hard we try (Ludwig, 4-6).\u00a0 Just as Jesus challenged his followers to understand the reign of God through parables, we too can be \u201cparabled.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cParabled\u201d by a Priest<\/span><\/p>\n

I arrived at Kunsan Air Base, South Korea in May 2004 to be in charge of the base infrastructure commanding about 1200 people. As I settled in, I breathed a sigh of relief and felt the wrench of worry simultaneously. It was only after much discussion and preparation that I had left my husband and 16-year old daughter in San Antonio for this unaccompanied assignment. My husband was an alcoholic and had been for our 18 years of marriage. He\u2019d had his bad times, dry spells, resolutions, and bouts with counselors. When I announced my selection for this Korean tour, he seemed to \u201cimprove,\u201d planning for a job and stepping up to manage the household.<\/p>\n

I believe that marriage is for life, a covenant and a sacrament before God. I believe that marriage takes work. I thought staying with my alcoholic husband through the throes of his \u201cdisease\u201d was \u201cthe right thing to do.\u201d I believed God that wanted me to carry my cross\u2014the heavier, the better. I worked hard to keep things together and I was loyal to the secret \u201celephant in the parlor\u201d to a fault. I was the breadwinner, strategic planner, and \u201csingle\u201d parent. Meanwhile, I was \u201csubstituting\u201d the daily chaos and instability of my home life for the order, discipline and accomplishment of my life\u2019s vocation as a military officer.<\/p>\n

By November, he was hallucinating and hospitalized. On January 6th, I prayed to God for a sign\u2014what was I supposed to do? On the 7th, he was arrested for a DUI in exactly the spot where 10 months prior my brother had died in a biking accident\u2014not the revelation I was looking for.<\/p>\n

Rumors at my base traveled from the front gate to the back gate in less than five minutes. Not wanting gossiping to spread, I went to the only person who could offer guaranteed confidentiality\u2014the Catholic chaplain. I was hoping that he would be sympathetic to my situation and give me some coping advice. I was looking for confirmation that I was doing the \u201cright thing\u201d maybe even for a pat on the back for weathering the storm. I\u2019d seen Fr. Z every Sunday at Mass (since attending was \u201cthe right thing to do\u201d). I explained the situation as I saw it, he listened, and said:<\/p>\n

Why are you still with him?<\/strong><\/p>\n

My unspoken reaction: Excuse me?\u00a0 Because that\u2019s what a good wife does\u2014do I have to tell you<\/em> that?\u00a0 Catholics can\u2019t get divorced! I vowed to take care of him \u201cin sickness and in health.\u201d<\/p>\n

It seems he decided some time ago to be married to the bottle, not you.<\/strong><\/p>\n

My thought: Well now, wait a minute, he never stopped loving me through all of this alcohol stuff. You\u2019re saying he chose the bottle over me? Am I that worthless?<\/p>\n

Your responsibility to shield your daughter from unnecessary suffering and take care of yourself takes precedence over babysitting an alcoholic who has consistently refused your help.<\/strong><\/p>\n

<\/strong><\/p>\n

My silent retort: I do a good job of taking care of my daughter, thank you very much. And it\u2019s not about me\u2014it\u2019s my responsibility to take care of my family, I\u2019ll be O.K.<\/p>\n

Your spiritual journey is where you\u2019ll find the answers you\u2019re looking for.<\/strong><\/p>\n

My undeclared rejoinder: You get results from hard work and sacrifice; you go to God for help to keep persevering, but he won\u2019t help you if you don\u2019t \u201cdo the right thing.\u201d<\/p>\n

I went back to my peaceful, orderly little house. Life minus the ubiquitous tension of a drunken presence sounded wonderful, but what about my obligations? For the first time in years I truly prayed.<\/p>\n

Post-Parable Transformation<\/span><\/p>\n

After quite a bit of pacing on my \u201cspiritual path,\u201d I accepted the reversal this \u201cslap-in-the-face\u201d parable presented to me\u2014the parable gave God room (Ludwig, 8; 16). On my journey through the stages of perplexity, uncertainty and eventual acceptance, I\u2019ve made some astonishing discoveries about who God is and who I am.<\/p>\n

First, I am not in control <\/strong>(Ludwig, 6). This is quite a statement for one who previously prided herself on being in total \u201ccontrol.\u201d God is in charge. No matter how hard I tried I wasn\u2019t going to save my ex-husband from alcoholism, only he with God could do that.\u00a0 Under God\u2019s care, my daughter has blossomed; all the more mature because of the positive<\/em> results of the suffering she experienced. But to accept this with humility, I had to move into fear\u2019s deep waters and trust God was the one keeping me afloat.<\/p>\n

Second, God wants me<\/em> to be happy and whole in this<\/em> life.<\/strong> Doing \u201cthe right thing\u201d and being a success in my profession doesn\u2019t earn me God\u2019s attention and love. Carrying crosses is good and necessary work, but needless martyrdom denies the gifts of beauty and joy available to me now. God\u2019s reign is personal, it\u2019s for me<\/em> (Ludwig, 2)–ideas I still struggle with every day in praying Blessed John XXIII\u2019s words:<\/p>\n

\u201c\u2026Only for today, I will be happy in the certainty that I was created to be happy, not only in the other world but also in this one\u2026.Only for today, I will firmly believe, despite appearances, that the good Providence of God cares for me as no one else who exists in this world…\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Third, asking God for signs was misguided. It\u2019s impossible to predict God\u2019s ways <\/strong>(Ludwig, 2). In my time of crises, I could have never guessed what a wonderful future God had in store for me. Amazingly an all-powerful God lets me take my best shot at making choices for myself and then supports me in those choices (Rom 8:28) (Ludwig, 3).<\/p>\n

Finally, the reign of God is not something we put off for later.<\/strong> Sure, we suffer in this life, but there are great joys available right this moment\u2014healthy relationships, the beauty of nature, the gift of life (Ludwig, 7). Fixating and worrying about the future denies the wonder of God\u2019s kingdom in the present (Ludwig, 2).<\/p>\n

Being \u201cparabled\u201d was painful, but for me, the result was the same unbelievable gift that Jesus offered to his first century followers–trust and faith in a God who reigns!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

by Lisa H. Jesus used parables in his ministry to turn \u201cfundamental presuppositions and assumptions upside down\u201d (Ludwig, 4). Sometimes we too have to be knocked over the head and shoved out of familiar territory with a truth so opposed to our usual thinking that we can\u2019t believe it could be true, but on the read more <\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-44","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.luc.edu\/ips\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/44","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.luc.edu\/ips\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.luc.edu\/ips\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.luc.edu\/ips\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/6"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.luc.edu\/ips\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=44"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.luc.edu\/ips\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/44\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4609,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.luc.edu\/ips\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/44\/revisions\/4609"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.luc.edu\/ips\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=44"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.luc.edu\/ips\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=44"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.luc.edu\/ips\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=44"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}