Refugee Resettlement Spring 2013
Reflection 3

Working with my refugee family this semester has been an experience of personal growth that allowed me to take value in my ability to connect and build strong relationships with perfect strangers. With each meeting, we shared more stories, taught one another about our cultures, and bonded over universalistic qualities of family, working, and aspirations. What I have come to learn is that however starkly contrasted our backgrounds may be, we had more in common than not. I became a part of this family as they allowed me in their new life here. They lovingly refer to me as Jasminka, with Russian dialect, and share secrets like the mother’s habit of smoking a cigarette on the back porch when she thinks her husband will not notice. This has also been a troubling experience that has left me feeling that the problems these refugees face are never ending and the realization that they are truly the most resilient of humanity. I tell everyone I meet about my family and praise them for their accomplishments and desire to make their place in American society. Unfortunately, much of the US is misinformed and harbor negative feelings toward refugee and immigrant populations. In light of the Boston bombings, some one actually had the nerve to tell me that it was the fault of the people I am working with; their home country is Chechnya. Despite such backward thinking, hope remains for refugees who are warmly welcomed by those concerned with quality of life for all humanity such as the Voluntary resettlement agencies, and other non profit organizations that help create an easier transition into American life.
One issue refugees must tackle and that I dealt with personally with my family is the complicated process of our healthcare system for newcomers. On our first few visits, my partner and I were bombarded with questions and medical sheets. The father desperately voiced his concerns to us that after a dozen vaccinations he feared he might die in the hospital. He was insistent that his family was screened and vaccinated while in Moscow and he was unable to comprehend notices from the school nurses to update his children’s vaccines. The only thing we could offer them was our consolance and explanation of high standards of health here in the states. This involves pre-screening: each refugee applicant is required to have a medical examination in their country of origin by a panel of physicians selected by the US state department. Upon arrival to the United States a review of overseas documented health evaluation, completion of medical history, review of vaccination status, and a brief mental status examination is required and necessitated by VOLAGs (voluntary agencies like Catholic Charities and Ethiopian Community Association of Chicago).
The need to visit multiple facilities on multiple occasions, often without easy access to transportation can extend the process to several weeks. Living in a city is beneficial because of public transportation, but I was told by my family that they only receive one transit card per household. One can see where this could become pricey especially for large families. This affects the refugee family and also puts VOLAG’s funding at risk if the screening is not completed within the required time frame. We had to reschedule a lot of our time spent together due to numerous medical appointments. Also, there is a lack of cultural knowledge and competence not only for newly resettled refugees but for some mainstream health care providers who may not have experience working with interpreters and may not have knowledge about the circumstances from which particular refugee groups come from. Working with interpreters requires more time than standard medical visits. Also not all health care providers are trained to identify signs of PTSD. My family often complained of dizziness and headaches after leaving the hospital, but they worked through it and now concerns are more focused on job procurement and speaking English with as little Russian accent as possible.
Medical providers may often use only western allopathic concepts to define the health of new arrivals. Developing providers’ ability to understand different cultural systems of beliefs about health gives them a broader capacity to provide care that works. Medicaid and Medicare are provided for refugees but they typically lack dental care. Dental problems are diagnosed in up to a quarter of refugees. My refugee mom and dad often warned their kids about eating American hard candies and coated nuts, fearing they may break a tooth. I think it would be beneficial in the future for advocates to attend medical appointments with interpreters if for nothing more than to be a friend and source of comfort in a foreign process.
VOLAGs and other organizations help meet the needs of refugee populations where the state is lacking. Heartland Health Outreach annually serves thousands of medically underserved Chicagoans, filling major gaps in the region’s health care system. They provide diverse programs and services that set the standard for inclusive, multidisciplinary treatment. These culturally competent services are designed to prevent illness and improve physical, mental, and social well-being through advocacy that promotes the human right to comprehensive, integrated systems of care.
Aside from the benefits these organizations provide, my partner and I, through our advocacy have given a unique gift to our refugee family in terms of befriending. They know that they can call us or chat on Facebook and we cherish our quality time together. Moments such as a shared laughter at American television shows together can be informative; they previously held Chuck Norris as being the epitome of what it means to be “American”. Spring time was significantly memorable for me. The family seemed to have a renewed spirit and curiosity toward all that Chicago had to offer them. I learned about the celebrations for Muslim New Year called Nowruz. In return, I shared how Americans celebrate Easter by making them a basket with chocolate bunnies and gifts. We all have busy lives but have promised to set aside time to go to the beach this summer and grill outside. This course sparked my interest and I plan to do more in the way of advocacy and readjustment for the refugee population in Chicago.

ANTH 301-Amick

Reflection 3

            As the semester is rounding out, the impending final visits weigh heavily on my mind. We have only been visiting for a short time, but in that short time we have really developed a connection to this family. In such a short time, we have built up a close friendship, one that I sincerely hope will continue past this class. Having only been here a few months, a deviation from any remote stability or routine can be a little jarring. How will my partner and I explain to our family that we won’t be coming regularly or at all?I can remember the anxious excitement of our first visit and reflect on the familiar comfort of our more recent visits.Against the informative framework of David W, Haines book Safe Haven, my preconceived notions of this experience, regarding my family’s feelings about being in America in comparison to what my class has discussed, and how our relationship would develop, has been affirmed, sustained, and challenged over the period of time we’ve spent together.

Haines details the challenges refugees face in coming to the United States, in regards to ethnicity, claiming that the U.S. seeks to impose its own identity categories on refuges once they are in this country (Haines 105). The family that I’ve spent time with came from Afghanistan just 8 months ago. Being an Afghan refugee, I could only imagine the types of ethnic stereotypes my family may have endured when coming to this country. As unfortunate as it is to say in 2013, as Americans, we are aware of the negative stigmas and stereotypes that can ensue with being of Middle Eastern decent in the U.S. post-9/11. I was not privy to the background information about my family, concerning the reasons they came to the United States, why they had to/wanted to leave Afghanistan, etc. and I must admit I am almost glad that I was not. I am not sure if there are certain policies regarding such information with the Volunteer Agencies, but I think it is beneficial in some cases not to know the exact background of my family. I had hoped that the relationship between me, my partner, and our family would develop in such a way that they would eventually disclose their stories to us on their own. That hasn’t happened yet, but I am hopeful. Being privy to their experiences from a file would take away from the overall comfort and familiarity aspect of our relationship. Not knowing the intimate details prematurely would remove any preconceived stigmas and stereotypes that could hinder our relationship.

Conversely, not knowing about their past in their country of origin left me feeling like we were overlooking their cultural history, their cultural roots. Haines describes the “good immigrant” stereotype that Americans categorize refugees, which is to say that those who perhaps fall into poverty or yearn to return home strike Americans as ungrateful (141). Several times during the course of our visits, my family would express their eagerness to learn English and how much they love America. I sometimes wondered if they have become conditioned to think and say such things in the company of Americans, not to say that they don’t truly wish or want to do those things, but that they think it is what they are supposed to say. I had expected my family to express some kind of attachment or longing to visit home or something like that, but we have yet to discuss what life was like back home. Because we have not talked about their past, I hope my family does not believe that America is a place that expects one to forget completely where they came from. My partner and I have tried to integrate culture, outside of “American” culture into our visits. I am of Italian heritage; my grandparents came from Naples Italy many years ago. One afternoon, I brought pizza over to my family’s house—it was a big hit. I explained to them that I am Italian, and gave them some background about my family, in hopes that that would convey a certain level of comfort, a safe time and place to share their story. I do not plan to ask my family about their life in Afghanistan, I would much prefer them to tell us about their life.

This experience is one that I never would have come across on my own. I am grateful for the opportunity to have been a part of this family’s life, as I hope I have instilled in them a level of trust and friendship that they have certainly given me. My concerns about this experience do not come from my interaction with the family but rather with the surrounding influences. As for improvements my strongest concern regards opportunities to learn English. Not only is there the issue of learning the language itself, but also utilizing that English in everyday situations. My partner and Iattempted to show our family everyday tasks like asking the landlord to fix the oven, how to catch the bus, and how to ask for directions. I would suggest a type of home economics class, instructing refugees on how such menial tasks function in everyday life. A positive attribute about working alongside a Volunteer Agency is the familiar attachment the members of the organization are with each family. My family recognized members of Catholic Charities as friends, a truly inspiring notion.

One of the most rewarding things about this experience happened on one of my last visits. I had just gotten to the house and was warmly welcomed by the mother and children, having not been over in a week or so because the children had fallen ill. I was taking my jacket off and Razan, the mother said to me, “have a seat, Gianna, my home is your home, you’re our family now”. I hope that our friendship only continues to develop and I can witness even more exciting transformations in the lives of this family.

Works Cited

Haines, David W. Safe Haven?: A History of Refugees in America. Sterling, VA:

Kumarian, 2010. Print.

ANTH 301: Refugee Resettlement

At this point in the semester, my partner and I have met with our refugee family a few times at their small apartment in the city. Reflecting on our visits, I admit I am surprised that everything we have discussed in class, from initial anxieties to bonding friendships, we’ve encountered. Currently, my partner and I are engaged in the next stage of the resettlement process, befriending. After rereading my first reflection and even reflecting on the trip over to the family’s apartment, and comparing those feelings to how I feel at this point, I cannot believe the difference. I do not think thatthe befriending process is one that has a completion point, but I do believe that my partner and I are building sound relationships with the members of this refugee family.

I can remember standing outside of the apartment door, waiting anxiously to meet this Iraqi family of four, not knowing what to expect. The mother, Razan, and her young son greeted us at the door. She was very excited to see us and was quick to offer coffee and cookies. The two children were very shy at first–they sat on the couch across from me and my partner, staring blankly at us, not uttering a word. We were not fortunate enough to meet the entire family, on the first visit or the succeeding visits, as the husband always has a previous engagement. Sitting in their living-room as the program volunteer explained a bit of our hostess’ background and her ambitions to learn English and procure a job, I recalled Sarah Steimal’sjournal,Refugees as People: The Portrayal of Refugees in American Human Interest Stories, and the discussion on American’s portrayal of refugees asmerelyhuman interest stories. Particularly, this viewpoint holds that American’s view refugees as after the “American Dream”, interested in complete assimilation to the American culture, wanting a job and educational opportunities for their children. Our hostess chimed in at certain points during the introduction by our program volunteer, but what sticks out in my memory is her zealous assertion of her love for America as the basis for her reasons to come to this country. She has been so eager to learn English—she is enrolled in an ESL course and is excited each visit to show us what she’s learned. My partner and I have even got the kids to join and learn right along with their mother. After Razan’s declaration of love for America, I realized at that moment that being an American citizen has caused me to take the essence of being an American citizen for granted. As expressed in my last reflection, I hope that I can adopt the passion and genuine ambition that the matriarch of this family has.

After the first visit, I left feeling absolutely incredible–my immediate thoughts were, “can I continue these visits after this course ends?” The kids would not let us leave, clinging to us and brining out their belongings to show us and keep our attention. I feel a familial obligation to this family, even after the first visit–during and after the visit I was brainstorming different things I could teach them, different items and activities I could introduce to them. Again, I recalled the readings from class, particularly BehnamBehnia’sjounral, An Exploratory Study of Befriending Programs with Refugees: The Prospective of Volunteer Organizations. The article discussed the basis of successful integration lying in an extended support system that begins with volunteers. Our family has only been in the United States for 8 months, so their knowledge of American culture is minimal. On the first visit we chatted about Razan and the children’s interests in what they did know of American culture—she expressed her liking for pizza, and her daughter’s interest in painting her nails and interest in school. On the next visit, Razan made homemade pizza for my partner and I to enjoy during our lesson about colors and items around the house—it was a small gesture that was not only very heartwarming, but also materialized what the class readings have discussed. Razan has allowed us into her home, prepared food for us, and allowed us to be around and teach her children; the befriending process has become evidently important, as we have influence over this family’s experience and outlooks on American culture. What an invigorating, inspiring feeling to know that this family will forever associate their ideas and memories of assimilating to America with me and my partner.

The article also details the notion of expectations versus experience, suggesting that expectations may not be met by experience. I did not expect to have any attachment to this experience or this family at the onset of this class. Although my professor and the program volunteers told of their experiences and relationships with these families, I expected such a process of connecting and forming bonds to take much longer. My partner and I have exchanged numbers with Razan, upon her request, the children greet us warmly with a hug when we arrive and when we leave, (if they let us leave)-each time we visit the family, it becomes harder and harder to part ways. Although the language barrier makes explaining certain situations difficult, there is a friendly comfort that allows neither party, particularly Razan’s, to feel uncomfortable in admitting to needing help nor giving assistancewhen it is needed. Reflecting again on Steimel’s article, it is almost impossible at first not to think of these families in the way the press conveys them. According to Steimel “the press performs a significant role as a social educator” (Steimel 3). But upon getting to know them and spending a discernible amount of time with them in their personal space, they are not just a family in need of aid and rescue, they are not just a human interest story—I genuinely want to help them. I hope for the best for them in establishing themselves in this country successfully. Razan was so enthusiastic and excited not only for her and her husband to get jobs on their own, but to simply tell us that they had—materialized evidence of the befriending process at work.

Hopefully in the visits to come, Razan and the children will feel even more comfortable and share with my partner and I stories from back home and their cultural practices. Although this family seeks for American assimilation, I sincerely hope for retention of their Iraq culture as well. Ultimately, I hope that Razan and her family feel the same respect and general attachment to me and my partner as we have formed for them. My initial fears, anxieties, and general concerns we abolished in the first hour meeting with this family. Generally, I am excited for more rewarding experiences with this family, and I am looking forward to their continual success.

Works Cited

Behnia, Behnam. “An Exploratory Study of Befriending Programs with Refugees”. Journal of

Immigrant & Refugee Studies,Routledge. (2008): 5:3, 1-19. Print.

Steimel, Sarah J. “Refugees as People: The Portrayal of Refugees in American Human Interest

Stories.”Journal of Refugee Studies.Oxford University Press. (2010): 1-19. Print.

ANTH 301

Reflection #1

            Every new year brings around a new set of resolutions–start eating healthy, make time to exercise, read a new book every month, save money–new year, new me. In my annual pursuit to live well, I have found that my efforts are quite narrowly and selfishly focused. My Jesuit education has allowed me the opportunity to step outside of myself, to experience what it really means to do something for someone else. As ANTH 301 embarks on this journey together as a class, my own personal excitement to meet the refugee families is coupled with anxious apprehension going into this experience, having never participated in  a cause of this magnitude.  My only hope is that my anxieties do not cloud the very real and important messages, lessons, and values that can be gained from this experience. There is a raw excitement about learning about the world beyond my own scope.

After reading Mary Pipher’s first chapter that discussed her own “cultural lens” (Pipher 12), my own cultural shortcomings came to mind. Although I have a multiethnic family heritage, I am quite ignorant of the customs and cultural practices that take place outside of my household. What I know about different cultures I have learned from my schooling and the latest exposé on The National Geographic Channel. Upon being immersed in the everyday happenings of families, from places on the globe I am embarrassed to admit that I have never heard of, I hope to gain an appreciation for cultural differences–from the seemingly mundane meal preparations to perhaps larger, more important cultural ideals. I am excited to learn customs and cultural practices from these families from ethnic backgrounds that I would otherwise not be exposed to.

The excitement of meeting new people and embarking on this culture shocking experience is slightly overshadowed by my fear of failure. Not only I am apprehensive about immersing myself into an environment that is completely out of my comfort zone, I am also nervous about introducing people to the customs of the United States. I am taking an American Pluralism course this semester and our first assignment is to write an essay explaining how we identify ourselves within the United States–do we define our identities by our ethnic heritage? By state/regional boundaries? The assignment forced me to evaluate what exactly it means to be American and how I will go about portraying certain customs and practices to people who have no idea about things that I encounter on a daily basis. How will I explain American concepts of space? Social taboos? Furthermore, how will I distinguish between what is and is not important to portray as essentially American? I hope that I can respectfully portray what it means to be a part of the United States and make these families feel welcomed and at home.

One of the by-products, if you will, of this experience that I am most looking forward to is the potential for forming lasting bonds and relationships with these families. Beyond the excitement of experiencing something new, past the apprehension of being in a completely foreign situation, the notions of forming and building bonds with people that I would never get the opportunity to meet under any other circumstances, is overwhelming in a way that is almost indescribable. In an almost cliché way, the students are ambassadors to these families. We are their first impression of American citizens, we are teachers and mentors, but what’s most important is not what we start out as, but what we end up being, friends, family.  I am most looking forward to the experience I cannot put educational credit and merit to.

I hope that what I take away from this experience outlasts the educational merit. I hope that the initial apprehension, fear, and insecurities are conquered by the friendly and familial welcome and warmth. As I am there to give and teach these refugee families I hope that I can learn from them in the same way. I hope this experience stands to help me look beyond myself, beyond my own little world, and opens my eyes to the raw struggle these families have endured to get where they are today. My wish in bettering myself is that I ultimately make the country, the world, in which we and these refugee families live, a better place.

Final

Becoming a cultural broker for the past three months I have learned a lot within the classroom and within the home of my refugee family. I’ve learned things about the family, the processing of refugees, the volunteer agency and most importantly things about myself. I definitely had some misconceptions about the refugee family before I met them but they were not as inaccurate as I hoped they would be. I would also like to share some thoughts I had on how we could improve the current situation of refugee resettlement in the United States.
One misconception I had before going in to see my family for the first time was that they weren’t going to be able to communicate with my partner and I. Turns out that I was wrong, but I wasn’t completely wrong. The mother had little to no English speaking ability, while the kids who have been in school for a year had a pretty good grasp of English for the amount of time they had been here. This barrier between us and the mother was and still is very difficult to overcome. We do have the eldest son translate from time to time, but even as fluent English speakers we were humbled and realized that it really takes a certain ability to teach English to someone very new to the language. Now the mother was in ESL classes before her job at the airport but had to stop going because of her responsibilities to five kids and her new job. After she got fired from her job I couldn’t help but feel that her inability to speak English was taken advantage of because she could not defend herself.
The volunteer agencies do offer ESL classes but I think it should be mandatory for refugees to go to these classes. As volunteers we had tried to teach the mother English but I now know my limits, and it seems almost impossible. A setting like a classroom is much better for teaching, especially with the younger children seeking attention and being rowdy. Now that she was fired I thought she would continue going to classes but it doesn’t seem that way. As long as volunteers are visiting homes and applying couldn’t the volunteer agencies get other types of volunteers that have English teaching abilities to make house visits? I really think it’s great that students like us can help, but for some of us it’s a little overwhelming.
We haven’t been able to help the mother with English but what we have done is get the five kids to do their homework and actually understand what they are doing without just giving answers. I know volunteer agencies help with enrolling kids into schools, but how much more do they do working with the school in making sure the kids are sent to the appropriate grade level? The kids we have are bright and have the talent to do work like their American peers, but sometimes I wonder whether or not their teachers understand the difficulties or issues the kids are having. I think along with a volunteer having credible teaching abilities they should be able to work with the schools and the teachers to make sure the kids aren’t falling behind, or if they are actually comprehending the coursework.
Having a language barrier was probably the only real assumption I made, but I figured that poverty might also be an issue. I was surprised to see the home furnished the way it was but I now know that’s because of the volunteer agency. Reading and looking at the amount of money we waste on wars and other things was very discouraging and I understand the hard work volunteer agencies put into making the resettlement process even happen so I can’t blame them for the lack of snack foods the kids usually complain about. I can’t even believe the government even brings in a small sum of refugees and expects them to be self-sufficient in 4 months. There has to be at least a year’s amount of welfare being given to the agencies so they can actually support them for that long. Cutting back on some discretionary spending like the military would probably do wonders for the refugees.
The U.S. Government knows who they are bringing in yet they really need to do a better job accommodating the people they bring in. They should strategically place people where they can live together with other people they can relate to while still being immersed into American culture and society. Even if the government couldn’t borrow money from another discretionary category couldn’t they allow the taxpayers to decide where their money will be going to? Much like the misconceptions of the refugees who arrive here I think the one’s in charge of these decisions see the U.S. in the same light. Working your way up from refugee status to a successful U.S. citizen is tough and I think it’s taken for granted that adjusting to a new culture and lifestyle is much different than being born into a system you’re going to live out.
Like Haines mentions, refugees are considered immigrants after arrival but still aren’t really in the same mindset or situation as an immigrant. They need to be designated an appropriate title that will benefit them, unlike the recently appointed “temporary protected status” which can hurt their chances of even staying here. This new designation will actually protect them offer free education, other necessities like food stamps that accommodate the size of the family, healthcare and employment opportunities. I don’t see why this couldn’t be done seeing how refugee numbers are a fraction of undocumented and legal immigrants.
In conclusion my misconceptions about refugees were hit or miss but I learned a lot from my three month service (that I hope to continue). I learned a lot about the process and mostly that volunteer agencies are basically at the mercy of the government’s funding and are doing what they can with who they have. Although I wasn’t as effective as a trained teacher could have been I’m honored to volunteer for an agency like Catholic Charities and I hope the submissions for changed refugee policies resonates with the higher ups and something is done about it. Refugees are at a disadvantage and that should be enough for new policies to be put together in order to help them thrive in the U.S.

            Generally, I didn’t have any negative misunderstandings about refugees. I was somewhat naïve to the process a refugee goes through and what exactly they may have gone through just to get here. Actually, I was more naïve to refugees that weren’t Assyrian. Because of my involvement in the Assyrian community, I know refugees that are Assyrian. I know them from church, high school, and even work because I work at a doctor’s office. I’ve spoken to them, joked with them, but never had a formal relationship with them and understood their past. I didn’t know about the Bhutanese and probably wouldn’t have if it weren’t for this class. One of the things this class opened my eyes to is how important the history of a refugee is to who they’ll become in the states.

One of the misconceptions I had about refugees was that we wouldn’t be able to communicate and things would be difficult and utterly awkward. It was a negative misunderstanding, I feel, because I underestimated their abilities in a way. They weren’t only the most eager-to-learn students I’ve ever taught, but they did their own practice because they want to learn that badly. I was so wrong and worried over nothing. I think because they were so eager and always wanted to see us that it made this experience a lot more successful. When you really think about it, the amount of hours we spend with them (not including their English classes) is minimal. Everything we give them is minimal. And yet they’re so grateful for it. It’s really the most humbling thing. That’s why it’s even more upsetting when we read about people bashing refugees and Volags and funding for refugees. Because negative allegations are made by these people that don’t see just how little help refugees are actually getting. In my opinion, there’s always more we can do. Yes, the government minimum is grossly minimal but I think if communities were more involved it could mean a better atmosphere for refugees and more support financially and socially.

When it comes to what’s best for future refugees and policies that the government need to work on, all I can say is that more needs to be done, not necessarily more having to do with funding, but more support and involvement. I don’t think it’s enough to help refugees for however many months and then completely cut them off and leave them with such huge responsibilities, not because they’re incapable, but because we haven’t prepared them enough. It’s understandable that refugees need what we call “survival” jobs, but a survival job doesn’t justify premature abandonment. That’s why I think it’s so great that we can keep seeing our families through the befriending program. Everyone needs roots and since the refugees have been, essentially, uprooted from their homes and brought here, it’s only right to help them with growing some new roots. So I don’t think six months or so of English class is enough. Even people who have lived here since birth don’t speak English well, so I don’t think six months can even qualify for survival English. These classes are also a way for them to make friends outside of what they’re used to. I think it’s crucial to extend the classes and get them more involved with people in their area. If I were a refugee, just having to leave my home would devastate me. Having to come to a place where people aren’t friendly after a few months and no longer want to help is too much to go through. It’s hard to assimilate when the people who are supposed to help you aren’t that much help.

By no means do I mean that refugees automatically have a dismal future because they aren’t receiving enough help, I just think they can better reach their full potential with more assistance. On the night of the BCAI fund-raiser, I noticed that when you have a large community of refugees, like the Bhutanese do, it just works so much better. People are happy, together and they have their own community that they can take shelter in if they need to. Granted they might take a little longer to settle into an American lifestyle, but they don’t have to give everything that makes them unique up and they can receive help within their own Bhutanese community. I know we do the same in the Assyrian community, since our churches offer ESL tutoring. It really does help, and gives them connections which can lead to jobs and further education. Community is equivalent to survival to a refugee like sunlight is to a plant. If they have a nurturing community, refugees will make it in this crazy country and flourish.

            At this point we’ve met with our family, Ibtisam and Tariq, a few times and it’s had its difficulties and its triumphs in our short time together. I was really nervous the first time I met them, but now we have a routine that we try to stick to where we first study and practice English and then in the last hour or so we chat just about what they’ve been up to and what they’ve seen. Mary Pipher’s work has also reassured me that I can’t be perfect at this. Our family is pretty fortunate, they don’t speak English but they have a son who lives in the area and helps them out from time to time and calls them every day. I feel we’re on the right track of the befriending process. They are comfortable with us, they are open with us, and they trust us. They have voiced to us their joys and their complaints and we do our best to help them and get them to see the silver lining.

One complaint of our refugee family, which I’m sure is not uncommon, is of their living conditions. They’re uncomfortable living in a studio apartment and are hoping their son will find them a new place with at least a bed room. Since they are an older couple, there’s not much that their son and his wife don’t help them with which, I think, is going to help them out a lot more in the long-run. Compared to refugees that come here without anyone that they know, they’ll learn more because they’re not only being helped by us but by their family who has been here and knows the culture well. I have also considered that it could stunt them from finding friends with whom they’d have to speak English however they show such enthusiasm to learn that I’m not worried about that. Ibtisam knows less English than her husband Tariq and it reminds me of Zeenat in Mary Pipher’s book. They’ve told us a couple of times their story of how she, out of tradition, finished high school and then stayed home to raise their family while he finished University and became a Lawyer. So a lot of Tariq’s English is from what he learned in school. However Ibtisam struggles because she hasn’t been in school for so long, and encouraging her to practice with her husband is difficult. Even though it’s hard to get her to practice when we’re not around, she’s very eager when we are and it really makes me happy to see her learning.

Another issue that Ibtisam in particular brought to our attention reminded me so much of the film Lost Boys of Sudan it was uncanny. Ibtisam was a bit peeved the last time we met because she has no idea how to get her driver’s license. I offered to bring her a pamphlet from the DMV and my partner and I told her the few things we knew. I don’t know if she has ever driven before but she seems adamant. But I think they have more to learn before they should get into that. They want to learn everything at once, which we also learn from Mary Pipher, and unfortunately it just can’t be. We have to take baby-steps before we can run. A couple of weeks ago, we came to our family’s home at our usual time for our meeting and no one was home. We felt as though we had been stood up. I had given them my number in case they ever needed it on our first visit but I don’t think they realized that the proper thing to do if they weren’t planning on meeting us that night would have been just to call me and let me know. It wasn’t just about me; it could pertain to other appointments and we want them to fit in better. So we explained to them that they have to call when they know they have to break an appointment and now I just hope that it will stick with them.

Our refugees have become our friends. It seems odd with such an age difference and without being 100% connected through language, but somehow this relationship is already exceeding my earlier expectations. They are so much more open to change than I would have expected and it’s really refreshing whenever we encounter their eagerness. I feel as though with more efforts to befriend refugees through organizations set up to do so, we can altogether illuminate the negative connotation that you sometimes find with the mention of refugees. Like we read in Steimel’s piece, we don’t want them to be seen as a “problem” or “deviant” population. Refugees have been through enough without being reduced to such. Provide more awareness to the problem and people will be more willing to help. The more people willing to help in something like a befriending program, the more refugees get the transition they need and deserve and the higher their success rate. (Behnia) It’s the least we can do for people who have been uprooted from they’re homes.