Our last visit of the semester included a string of events like any other visit of ours earlier this semester: homework completing, story-book reading, story-telling, and snacking.

However; this time was decidedly different.

As soon as Max, Sam, and I knocked on the door of our family’s home, an extremely exuberant Niermol immediately answered and led us into the family’s living room, while muttering “homework, homework, homework,” before we had even taken our coats off. This is the same Niermol who we had struggled with earlier this semester, trying desperately to elicit even a vague interest in completing his school assignments and practicing his alphabet with us. This night, however, he immediately unzipped his backpack, pulled out his blue folder, and placed a packet of papers entitled “vacation homework” on the table and exhaled a final “homework” as if to drive home the point.

Sam had brought a colorful storybook about dragons which Suk and Harka—and their friend Sijel—were instantly enthralled with. The three boys laid down on the carpet with the book in front of them, though this time—instead of only viewing and admiring the pictures while conversing about the drawings in Nepali—they each took turns trying to read the English captions. Sijel, who has an exceptionally good grasp at English having moved here several months prior to our family, even came up with a strategy to help Suk—who still struggles considerably. He suggested that we (the befrienders) read one word, and let Suk read the other, until the sentence is complete. Or, point to random words on the page and have Suk and Harka read them aloud.

I am touched every time by these kids’ willingness to help each other out, instead of “showing off” in front of the other or making fun of their inability to keep up. They themselves embody an amazing support network for each other which can be extremely effective when befrienders lack insight in certain areas.

Nearby, Gopal had found a book too, and was reading to himself while Phul sat adjacently, silently absorbing all of the various activities taking place in the room which was now buzzing with excitement. I walked over to sit by Gopal and was overwhelmed by the greatest surprise of the evening yet: GOPAL CAN READ FLUENTLY! It was a simple children’s fairytale to be sure, with about a dozen words on each page, but what difference does that make to someone who wasn’t sure if he would ever be able to even memorize the English alphabet just a few months ago? As he read the lines out loud to me, he was beaming and couldn’t contain his laughter at several points. After he finished the final page of the story he turned to me and said: “slow yes, but slowly comes.” Yes, I told Gopal. It certainly comes. I am so proud of him.

After a couple of hours we all sat down and shared a very familiar snack of apples, bananas, chocolate biscuits, and orange juice. We eased our way into the much-dreaded discussion of us taking a “month off” as we return to our respective localities across this country. We said that we would all meet again in January after we returned from our parents home and that we would be sure to keep in touch. Sam told the family she would write to them during her semester abroad in Jordan. And Sijel was sure to write down our “ID’” (that is, our facebook user names and/or yahoo chat names’s) on a sheet of paper which he safely tucked away in his pocket.

Before finally exiting the cozy home of our warm-hearted Nepali family—only to be thrust into the freezing cold Chicago night, Sijel predicted something spectacular: “Maybe when you come back in January we will all be speaking English.” Yes, perhaps! With everyone’s progress in barely four months, there is enormous potential for growth and adjustment. I don’t doubt the possibilities.

It has been such an honor and pleasure spending time with these individuals and being able to observe and partake in their complex lives, if only for a few hours a week. Their perseverance and unending optimism has inspired me in ways I am unable to articulate in words. What I am able to say, is that this semester has opened a door for me; in no way does this ‘final visit’ terminate the relationship with my family or my engagement with this course’s objectives. It has instead created a threshold for me in terms of captivating my interest and instilling a desire to undertake broader research into the deeper, perhaps darker, issues facing our beloved refugee community. Issues that certainly transcend the comfortable realm of completing homework assignments on time and reading fairy tales to each other.

Thank you for following the first part of this journey with me.

This has been one of my most challenging semesters so far, and my experiences visiting my refugee family have definitely been a part of that challenge.

I have one last visit tomorrow, to mark the end of the semester and of our scheduled meetings. During the past few visits I have started to feel even more comfortable hanging out with the family. I’ve been thinking some about how remarkably simple this arrangement has been. I haven’t solved any major crises, I haven’t taught anyone how to speak English, and I haven’t found anyone a job. However, I still know that I have played a simple yet important part, and I have been affected in a simple yet important way as well.

By making ourselves available and opening ourselves up to friendship, just basic friendship, we can open a door that otherwise could be sealed shut. By spending just a little bit of time each week getting exposure to each others’ cultures, experiences and outlooks, we bring each other out of the abstract. Now, when I think of refugees in Rogers Park, I can think of a family. They have faces, and I know their names. And when my family thinks of a U.S. citizen, or of a college student, I hope they think of someone they can call when they have a question or a problem, or just need someone to talk to.

This switch, from abstract to concrete, is so very simple, but there is no substitute for this experience.

I am grateful for the faces and the names that I will always remember.

Of course, they still live down the street when I need a reminder, and a welcoming smile.

On my last visit to see Narayan, Indu, and Suruchi, there had been some miscommunication between Adrianne and I, and so I took the plunge and went solo for the first time. When I arrived, Indu attended to the door to let me into the apartment. She immediately asked, “Where is Adrianne?” I at the same time wondering, “Where is Narayan?” He had apparently gone to visit his parents’ apartment, about 15 minutes away from where they lived. When she told me this, I immediately replied, “Why didn’t you go with him?” She confusingly shook her head, saying that she had to look after the baby. I then noticed Suruchi sitting on a new piece of furniture in the apartment, a futon. This baffled me quite bit as during our past meeting Narayan had complained of not having enough diapers for Suruchi and not being able to acquire them as often as he needed. But during that meeting he also showed Adrianne and I his new computer. Well not brand new because he had purchased it from a friend, but I still wondered what method he was using to budget he money. I think by him being so young at 25 years old, he is highly influenced by commercialism and consumerism, not yet learning how to properly allocate money towards everyday necessities for his family rather than “cool” furnishings for his apartment. I plan to make that one of my primary focuses as a befriender as Narayan is now in a fast paced search in finding a job. Money management is one of the issues that I am still struggling with as a college student. So hopefully, through assisting Narayan, I can better handle my own finances post-graduation.

As one of the members of the Special Events committee, it was my duty to help plan the Winter Holiday Party. Unfortunately, due to lack of funds, we were unable to host the party. As an alternative, we were to work in conjunction with the Winter Clothing Drive and set up a booth at the ECAC with various holiday themes. Of course snacks were one of the components of event, and so I volunteered to bring a Nepali dessert. At the time I thought that it would be very similar to many of the Indian desserts that I’ve had in the past, and by living near Devon Street, I thought it would be an easy task. Unfortunately for me, when I first researched Nepali desserts, none of them looked familiar. When I tried researching locations in Chicago, the only places I could find were Indian restaurant who also listed themselves as South Asian. I decided to take a chance and buy a dessert that I had tried times and really enjoyed called Barfi, made out of milk, sugar, and spices such as cardamom.
When I arrived at the Winter Clothing Drive, all I could see were mountains of neatly stacked clothing, racks of heavy coats, and a floor displaying a diverse selection of shoes. As I walked toward the holiday booth, crowds of small children were eating cookies, pining holiday buttons to their jackets, and applying Christmas themed temporary tattoos to their faces and hands. Knowing that young children love sweets, I really hoped that they would be ecstatic to see that I had brought South Asian desserts.Of course as I opened the back, they looked with anticipation, and when they saw that I hadn’t brought cupcakes or chocolate chip cookies, simply went back to playing with their tattoos. I have to say that I was a bit disappointed that only a few children took the Barfi, and that a majority of it was taken by the class. I wanted to show that I had made an effort to incorporate a piece of their own culture into event, but I guess American sweets are much more enticing if you don’t have the chance to eat them very often.
I was impressed however with how successful the clothing give-away was. Many women whom I had usually seen walking the cold Chicago streets in rubber sandals and socks, were finally wearing closed-toed shoes, that one item that I really hoped the women (and men) would take advantage of. The smiles of gratitude on their faces really made this event worthwhile. I only hope that when that need for sturdy winter clothing arises next year, that this event be just as successful, if not more so.

This is a continuation of my last post, sharing what I think is most important in making an organization work. The first post includes my first guideline, setting attainable well-defined goals, is here: http://blogs.luc.edu/refugee2010/2010/12/18/656/.

2. Fostering a group culture and identity

While a structured, goal-oriented group is being formed, there should simultaneously be an active effort to develop personal bonds among the members of the group. It is important to remember that an organization can function quite professionally and still maintain a fun and silly personality.

Approaches that work:

• The direct approach, icebreakers, etc., are definitely effective early on in the year to loosen things up.
• Treating new members as friends from the first day
• The physical structure of meeting/ project space must be welcoming, interspersing new and old members to include everyone
• Spending time working together on projects informally. For example, doing the busywork of event preparation serves as great community-building time.
• Positive, fun attitude during meetings. Keep it casual, and maybe try breaking the tension of politeness that every group starts with. I don’t mean be rude, just keep it real.
• Valuing tangential conversations and downtime, while still limiting them to maintain productivity.
• Especially for college students: hang out and party together! I don’t know if this is unorthodox advice to give organizations, but it works.

When members of an organization feel like a part of a family, they will look forward to working on their projects and will not be afraid to ask questions and work together. I have found this personal motivation to be invaluable

Two caveats:

1. Not every group requires a such a high level of personal emotional commitment. Organizations should, and naturally do, develop a balance between the amount of commitment required from its members and the level of community building.
2. These strategies cannot be forced. When members feel like they are being pressured into awkward group bonding time, they may resist. Most community building happens informally, but it can be guided and influenced by the group leaders.

This past week was filled with several informal refugee encounters. Yesterday I was late for work (very typical), and so like always I rushed out of my apartment and ran down Devon street in a near sprint trying to catch the next shuttle bus to the water tower campus. As I reached the intersection of Devon and Sheridan, panting heavily and waiting for the light to turn green, I hear a voice projecting behind me saying, “Oh, Hello Zakiyya.” As I turned around I realized the person speaking to me was Narayan, the father of the family I work with. He was also accompanied by his nephew whom I had met during my second visit to the family. As we greeted each other, I suddenly became uninterested in how late for work I was or how in how many minutes the shuttle was going to pull off. I instantaneously switched over to befriender mode; asking about his wife, nani, his mother, etc. When I asked him where he and his nephew were off to, he replied that they were headed to a particular grocery store in the area. I knew of the store he spoke of, but I usually didn’t frequent this particular grocery store unless I drove or took the bus. I was shocked to hear that he was willing to walk all the way there (with a push cart in tow), when even I didn’t dare to walk, and I live 1 ½ miles closer than he does! When I expressed my confusion, he simply told me that that store didn’t cost very much, and so it was better to go there instead of the markets by his apartment. I then realized that I had about 1 minute left to reach the shuttle, and so I quickly asked if I could meet with them that next Saturday, he replied, “Yes, that would be very good,” I waved, and then continued on my sprint to the bus.

I really wish that these families had access to better transportation so that they wouldn’t be burdened with traveling far distances on foot in order to reach these essential places. I’ve been privileged with a u-pass as, which allows me to freely utilize public transit whenever I need. I never realized how imperative these resources are, and how lacking access to them can truly limit how successful a person is in seeking a job, visiting family, reaching appointment, and even acquiring food. It frustrates me to know that so many Loyola commuter students pay for these passes, but never pick them up, and so they just go to waste at the bottom of a drawer in Sullivan center. I wish there was a way that we could make use of these abandoned U-passes, because there are so many refugee families who would be extremely grateful to have these little passes to freedom.

We have focused this semester on developing a student organization to work with and help the refugees entering and living in Rogers Park. As with any club or group, the amount of time spent on making the organization function is actually considerably greater than the time spent learning about and studying the issue on which the group focuses. It is important to gain an understanding of the way organizations function, and how to make one function well, so as to streamline our efforts and allow participants to maximize their time and efforts in a meaningful way. Over the past few years and throughout this semester, I have come up with some of my own insights on how to make a student organization function well, and I would like to share a few of those insights in a couple of my posts. These aren’t revolutionary, and I claim no expertise, only my own experience. Like I said, every organization confronts the same problems. However, I put some of my emphasis where others may not.

1. Attainable, well defined goals – This is important at two levels

Group level – Each member should be well-versed in the main goals of the organization, and should be able to express those goals clearly and concisely.

Personal/ committee level – Each committee should spend a brief time at their first meeting deciding what specifically they hope to accomplish. This means prioritizing, and choosing a limited number of attainable, concrete goals. Then, set clear deadlines in order to structure the time ahead.

I will continue in my next post.

Edit: Link to next post:

http://blogs.luc.edu/refugee2010/2010/12/18/guidelines-for-orgs-continued/

My time this semester spent with my family has been wonderful. In the end, our family never requested specific help with medical issues, employment, ESL, etcetera, but just enjoyed having some very talkative American kids come visit. They thanked us again and again for taking them to Millennium Park and the Lincoln Park Zoo, places they would not have gone to alone. In essence, it was like Liz and I had a weekly get together with a group of friends – we would hang, eat, watch movies and talk about school, work or whatever else was going on in their lives. Their being Nepali or refugees was no hindrance in us getting to know them, especially the “kids” who are in their mid twenties. In fact, we just acted like peers, sharing common concerns. In the end, people are people. Working with refugees has been a weekly reminder that wherever we are from, the thing we all want is just a hot meal shared with friends and family. I am very thankful for having met my family and I wish them the best! They have made very grateful for being able to move back in my own family when I graduate this December. There certainly isn’t anything like home…and as I like to say, home is where family is.

For our parting meeting, we put together a small Christmas package – a pair of gloves for every member of the family and some holiday treats (hot chocolate, candy canes and spice cookies). The family seemed very grateful for the gloves, but a little hesitant about the hot chocolate. We tried to tell them we could teach them how to make it right then and there, but they weren’t having it. I wish we had invited them to our home at least once, so they would have felt obliged to try new things — it is much easier to say no to new things in your own home. Other than that slight mishap, our last meeting went well. We watched Nepali music videos and found out, very happily, that our family’s son enrolled in classes at Truman College for the spring semester. He is a very bright young man and his family’s main interpreter and organizer, so finishing his bachelor’s, or even associates, will give the family a tremendous leg-up. He was placed in upper level math classes – Liz and I were very impressed, telling him he should major in math, since companies are always very keen to hire people with good math skills. We also found out that his brother recently moved to Plano, Texas for a new job with a Hindu temple. The clincher is, I grew up in Plano, TX! It’s a very nice suburb of Dallas with very good schools. I told the family that his kids would have wonderful educational opportunities in Plano, just as I did. They might even graduate from Plano West Senior High and then go to Loyola! School and education have been a mainstay of our conversations, so I am happy that in the end, Kevin gets to go back to school and his niece and nephew will go to grade school in my old school district ☺.

Thanksgiving raises food, our everyday fuel, to the status of sacrament. Slow roasted turkey, potatoes mashed with butter and cream, dressing studded with pecans and quivering cranberry compote – these sensual delights transmute into symbols of love, family and gratitude. I know I show my affection for others though cooking: I like to feed people, to take care of then and their sustenance. It is perhaps why Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. It is the simplest expression of love, unencumbered by gifts, shopping and materialism. It is just me, creaming sugar and butter by hand, creating an edible testament of my care. Liz and I spent several afternoons telling our family about Thanksgiving’s joys. We wanted them to know that Americans do spend time with family and we do have spiritual holidays. We wanted them to know that Americans actually do spend time cooking for others (at some point). Our family shares a meal with us almost every time we visit. I hope they know Americans also appreciate and are grateful to break bread with others. Food is our most primal and deeply shared means of expressing concord. Whether it is sharing a plate of Nepali momo dumplings or turkey and dressing, Bhutanese refugees and Americans do have one thing in common – expressing gratitude with a meal.

So it is the last week of school and the hectic life of a Loyola Student is coming to a close. Between my fulltime job and a full load of classes I have had little time to write good blog entires.  Hopefully in the upcoming weeks before I leave to do service work in Saigon, I can go back and continue my story from where I left off by updating my blogs. I hope to use my few weeks of break as time to really concentrate on finishing my story, because you dear reader have not even heard the hgalf of it!

Until then you will have to rely on my partner Ali Burch. Back to the story at hand. So it is finals week and everything is crazy. However there is one place you can turn for peace, solitude, and consolation. What is that you ask? The Iesu Mandir. No, the Iesu Mandir is not some grand temple in Nepal or India. Rather it is simply my attempt to translate a ‘Christian Church’  for my Nepali family.

I have been spending lots of time in the Iesu Mandir as of late praying for finals, and good conclusion for my job at Indo-America, my brother’s college acceptance letters, and for my Nepali family that they find a good tutor while I am away from the country. In these prayers I was reminded of a story.

One day early in the fall before Ali was assigned to me and I was still on my own, I took the three kids: Anish, Anisha, and Bishnu to Loyola. Anish and Anisha always loved to run around the quad and go exploring, so I figured their newly arrived from Jhapa cousin Bishnu would as well. We did the usual visit to the Puja room, the quad, the waterfall (the kids love playing in that) and hanging around the lake. At some point I decided to take them into Madona Della Strada, one of my favorite places on campus. I told the kids and they seemed to understand, except for Bishnu. She did not know the English word church. So I substituted ‘Iesu Mandir’ which literally means ‘Jesus Temple’. She agreed and we were off.

I loved watching Bishnu in her own element. I though I would try and correct her in her approach to the church, but thought it would be better to see how she interacted with the sacred space. The first thing she did was touch the floor of the threshold of the church and then placing that hand on her forehead, a common practice in Hinduism signifying respect. Then she removed her shoes and placed them beneath the last pew. After that she approached the large Baptismal font and threw both hands in cupped and removing water to splash over her hands, feet, and face. Anish and Anisha giggled a little as I did my own sign of the cross.

The coolest thing I saw was when I went to light an intercessional candle at the Icon of our Lady. Bishnu picked up a wooden stick and instead of lighting another candle she lit the stick,  blew it out, and then proceeded to wave it in clockwise circles around the icon mumbling a prayer. It was as if she was doing Puja. Icons do loook similar to murtis after all. I was surprised and very pleased at her actions.  We concluded by doing the sign of the cross and ‘panajali’ (the namaste hand pose) to all of our Icons. It was an amazing interfaith journey.

More stories to come!

Shanti, Salaam, and Peace be upon you until we meet again in my next entry.

Namashkar

This might be the end of this class however, it is just a beginning of a wonderful and insightful friendship that hopefully will last a lifetime.  This class was able to teach me about so many everyday issues that I thought I knew how to handle as well as help me accept my immigrant status more pridefully and positively.  I made many friends in the class and outside of it, and all this thanks to one 3 credit course.  I loved the hands on experience and cannot wait to learn more.  I hope that other students found working with the refugees as enjoyable and educational as I did. SO thanks Dr. Amick, my refugee family for broadening my world view!

I wrote an essay for my literature class and i compared Odysseus’s journey to my family.
“Safaar”-Journey
The character that I chose that has been very significant in my life thus far is Odysseus. Odysseus showed strength, patience, and courage. He embodies these qualities like a group of very special people I know. As I began my semester, I took a class that was required for my civic engagement core. Little did I know that it was going to change my life forever.
What is a refugee? A person who has the fear of being persecuted for race religion, political orientation from their country of origin. They are basically displaced individuals that flee to another country (like the United States) for freedom. Why am I defining what a refugee is? It so happens that for my civic engagement class I was going to befriend a refugee family. To be completely honest I had no idea how difficult life was for them or their struggle to get to the United States. Learning more about these amazing individuals made me respect them even more. Like Odysseus they had to go on a journey, a very rough one, to get to “home”.
My refugee family consists of a total of three members: the mother, the father, and a young 18-year old boy named Amir. We discovered that my family had just entered the states and had no understanding of the American culture. We would soon learn that language barrier was our biggest problem. When we got the schedule to meet our family, my partner and I were extremely anxious to get to know them. It was a Thursday morning and we decided to get them donuts as a house-warming present. When we met the parents they greeted us with open arms and had the biggest smile on their face. They did not speak any English but simple hand gestures and smiles made the communication a bit easier. Unfortunately, we did not meet the son until the following week. When we did meet him the following week he spoke good English and was very friendly. Knowing that my family had struggled so much to arrive at the United States, they are still so humble. Like Odysseus, my refugee family is very thoughtful. In one scene of the odyssey, Odysseus helps a poor blind man with his food. Whenever I go to their house, they always offer me food, with the little money they have they always make sure that their guests never leave with an empty stomach.
I want to conclude by saying that taking this class and my civic engagement class it made me realize how truly blessed I am. Having a home and being with the ones I loved is the most important thing to me and I value it deeply. I value the people who struggle to get to where they want to be and are always so humble. Generosity, courage, and strength are all qualities that both Odysseus and my family carry and have a journey that will never be forgot.

Today i will go visit my family but it won’t be the last time. Me and Kiya plan on visiting them regularly during the break and next semester. We have gotten so close with them, that saying goodbye would be too hard. Both the mother and the father’s English has improved. We have learned certain Nepali phrases along the way too. It has been a great experience and i am so glad that i took this course. I think when we go today, we will probably take them out to eat since Kiya will be leaving to Vegas for the break. I can’t wait !

>>>Visit from 11/13/2010

During my last visit to the Rizal family, I found myself in an interesting situation that I had never before been, and my initial reaction even shocked me at first..
Rewind one days prior to the visit, I was working at my job and suddenly received a phone call from Narayan. Adrianne and I were usually the first to initiate the communication with the family, and so I was baffled when he attempted to contact us first. Narayan greeted me politely and then continued in inviting me and Adrianne to his home that next day at 5:00 for his daughter, Suruchi’s 1st birthday party. I of course was honored to be considered worthy of a personal invite. I accepted the invitation and ended the phone call with an enthusiastic “Thank you!” I then began frantically researching what the traditional Nepali rituals were for children’s birthdays, but the information I stumbled upon was very limited.
The next day as my partner and I entered the apartment, we were greeted by several familiar faces, but also a few unfamiliar American faces. Students from a local college had been assigned the task of meeting twice with a refugee family and then writing about their experiences. I found myself getting a little defensive over the family, wondering what the students’ motives were and what kind of guidance they had given the family about American culture.
I noticed that the five or six students who were in the group didn’t seem very interested in actually learning about Nepali culture at all, they were more concerned with the Americanization of the family. When it came time to cut the cake, the mother brought nani (Suruchi) over to the table to attempt to blow out the candle and eat the cake, she was of course less interested in cake and more interested in the balloons being tossed around by the other children. One of the college students commented, “Well, in America little kids usually put their hands in the cake and put it all over their faces. It’s kind of a tradition.” Hearing this made me cringe. What she was telling the family was completely untrue and made a ridiculous generalization about American culture, excluding other practices that may also be equally important. After several attempts to get Suruchi to put the cake on her face, the female student gave up, and the mom simply went back to playing with the streamers and noise makers.
Throughout the party, very few pictures were taken by the students, but I got the feeling that their intentions were less about documenting the event for the family’s benefit and more about capturing the family in a picture, later to be put on a powerpoint presentation for their assignment. When Nepali food was offered to the guests, each of the other students one frantically declined several times without giving the gesture any thought, while Adrianne and I both accepted a plate graciously.
About 20 minutes later, Suruchi took notice of the cake and began feeding it to Indu (her mother) and her “older sisters.” After about the third go-round, the cake got a bit messy, and the female student hording the camera finally took notice again. She proceeded to snap photos and shout, “She’s doing it, she’s doing it,” as if Suruchi succeeded in some major accomplishment that demonstrated she was learning how to act like a proper “American baby.” Indu of course just laughed and continued on playing with Suruchi, smiling for a picture every so often.
After leaving the family’s apartment that night, I realized that I had gotten so agitated that I had actually physically separated myself from the students from the other college. I think my awareness of space and how it is used to establish a particular authority moved to give up the chair that I was offered and sit on the floor with the rest of the family and friends-unlike the other college students who only sat in the chairs, and when a chair wasn’t available, would stand. I think that I subconsciously wanted to establish myself not as an American “other,” but as a confidant, someone who was an honorary member of the Nepali community and who considered themselves an ally in their cause.
As someone who has been educated in Nepali refugee issues both inside and outside of the classroom, I’ve become increasingly aware of the generally ignorant, and shall I say foolish assumptions made by many Americans about what constitutes being a real American (aside from citizenship). Embracing the meshing of cultures, the sharing of ideas and beliefs, and learning to respect that which you don’t understand- all of these attributes being what I’ve understood to constitute being “American.” Although this visit in particular was extremely frustrating, it was also very informative, showing me the inconstancies and contradictions in my own culture. It showed me how I as a befriender, have taken this critical role as an ambassador to my culture, and how this role will help assist in the successful integration of my family into American society, I role which I both fear and embrace as I choose to continue on my work with Narayan and Indu in the upcoming months.

The meeting started off in standard form. We exchanged information on English concepts and cultural adjustment. The oldest son had the entire day off (only full “day off” I had witnessed since we started visiting three months ago). He is the family work horse. He takes care of the entire families’ budget, bills, and shopping for groceries, clothing, and supplies. He is very good with numbers and often talks about his interest in Mathematics. He works at a very nice hotel, with a very low paying wage. A regular work week involves 6 days a week with no set schedule… On his day off he enjoys paying bills and shopping for his entire family.

He mentioned that, while at work, his co workers watch American football, but he cannot interact with them because he does not understand the game… I really enjoy our visits, but this was the best problem he could have! We meet on Sunday and the meetings are in the middle of football, and the Bears and Lions were playing at that exact moment… While Nick and I explained the rules of the game he told us about the rules of Cricket. There was mention of a camp wide brawl at one of the refugee camps they lived in. He shared the story and explained that there were many frustrated people living in the camps, they were not permitted to work or leave. One of the greatest frustration was “not being a citizen, anywhere”… They had no rights and would be considered illegal anywhere they went.

Nick and I started talking about financial literacy. I explained how banks work and how their money is protected by the FDIC. He became very interested when I started talking about saving and investing to help the family reach stated goals… He knew the concept of compound interest, but had not previously connected the concept to money. They made food for us before we left. On the way out it felt like we had just begun to make progress for the first time. It was frustrating and slow, but it is extremely rewarding to know how much we are helping.

My wife Emily came along the Sunday following Thanksgiving. She had met several family members, but this was the first time she had met everyone. We brought a photo book of our wedding, so they could see what an American wedding looks like. They then shared and explained some of their wedding customs. I asked how long Bishnu and Purna had been married… They said right around 50 years, which is hard to comprehend since we have only been married for 2 years. A bride and married women wear red with green beads to show they are married. Women that are not married can wear a wide variety of colors.

Emily communicated with them very well. She talked with Buddha who also works down-town. They discussed the bus routes and found they take the same route to work. Buddha shared many cultural customs with us about what kinds of food family members eat (“take”). I noticed that the younger the family members were the more meat and “American” foods they had tried. Emily found that she had similar eating patterns to the eldest son. She used the term “two legged vegetarian” to describe that she only eats poultry and fish. The youngest son had prepared a meal of rice and goat. His eating habits are more similar to mine…

It was the last day of the ti-harh festival. The females in the house were up at 0430 making traditional Nepali sweets. The family always provides us with more than generous portions of food, but they brought us each an extra large plate filled with a variety of sugary snacks. I wonder if they are under the assumption that since we are American we can eat triple the amount of most humans? The girls were in traditional Nepali dress and were preparing to walk to the lake for pictures. Today we did not try to teach anything. They taught us about customs and we were the students of their culture. We watched the movie Luck again, but this time we watched much more and still did not finish the film… On the walk home Nick and I figured out the film had been going for 2 and a half hours and was still running strong.

The entire visit they shared information about their homes in Bhutan and their Nepali culture. People are beginning to be very open with us, which allows us to figure out the most effective ways to help them. I know some of the family members are having a hard time with the adjustment… They are familiar with the American work schedule, minimum wage, and some new freedoms, but the work is hard and learning how to operate in a new culture adds extra pressure on refugee families. I am amazed at how little information they have been exposed to about America. They see a lot of Television, but most of the older adults don’t understand it, and the younger ones are provided with an accessible resource on “American” culture… They know about Burger King, Best Buy, and Dancing with the Stars, but their only face to face connection to their new environment is through volunteers. I wonder what happens to the majority of refugees that are not exposed to cultural adjustment programs?