Category Archives: Refugee Outreach

Strangers to Friends

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Strangers to Friends

            Generally, I didn’t have any negative misunderstandings about refugees. I was somewhat naïve to the process a refugee goes through and what exactly they may have gone through just to get here. Actually, I was more naïve to refugees that weren’t Assyrian. Because of my involvement in the Assyrian community, I know refugees that are Assyrian. I know them from church, high school, and even work because I work at a doctor’s office. I’ve spoken to them, joked with them, but never had a formal relationship with them and understood their past. I didn’t know about the Bhutanese and probably wouldn’t have if it weren’t for this class. One of the things this class opened my eyes to is how important the history of a refugee is to who they’ll become in the states.

One of the misconceptions I had about refugees was that we wouldn’t be able to communicate and things would be difficult and utterly awkward. It was a negative misunderstanding, I feel, because I underestimated their abilities in a way. They weren’t only the most eager-to-learn students I’ve ever taught, but they did their own practice because they want to learn that badly. I was so wrong and worried over nothing. I think because they were so eager and always wanted to see us that it made this experience a lot more successful. When you really think about it, the amount of hours we spend with them (not including their English classes) is minimal. Everything we give them is minimal. And yet they’re so grateful for it. It’s really the most humbling thing. That’s why it’s even more upsetting when we read about people bashing refugees and Volags and funding for refugees. Because negative allegations are made by these people that don’t see just how little help refugees are actually getting. In my opinion, there’s always more we can do. Yes, the government minimum is grossly minimal but I think if communities were more involved it could mean a better atmosphere for refugees and more support financially and socially.

When it comes to what’s best for future refugees and policies that the government need to work on, all I can say is that more needs to be done, not necessarily more having to do with funding, but more support and involvement. I don’t think it’s enough to help refugees for however many months and then completely cut them off and leave them with such huge responsibilities, not because they’re incapable, but because we haven’t prepared them enough. It’s understandable that refugees need what we call “survival” jobs, but a survival job doesn’t justify premature abandonment. That’s why I think it’s so great that we can keep seeing our families through the befriending program. Everyone needs roots and since the refugees have been, essentially, uprooted from their homes and brought here, it’s only right to help them with growing some new roots. So I don’t think six months or so of English class is enough. Even people who have lived here since birth don’t speak English well, so I don’t think six months can even qualify for survival English. These classes are also a way for them to make friends outside of what they’re used to. I think it’s crucial to extend the classes and get them more involved with people in their area. If I were a refugee, just having to leave my home would devastate me. Having to come to a place where people aren’t friendly after a few months and no longer want to help is too much to go through. It’s hard to assimilate when the people who are supposed to help you aren’t that much help.

By no means do I mean that refugees automatically have a dismal future because they aren’t receiving enough help, I just think they can better reach their full potential with more assistance. On the night of the BCAI fund-raiser, I noticed that when you have a large community of refugees, like the Bhutanese do, it just works so much better. People are happy, together and they have their own community that they can take shelter in if they need to. Granted they might take a little longer to settle into an American lifestyle, but they don’t have to give everything that makes them unique up and they can receive help within their own Bhutanese community. I know we do the same in the Assyrian community, since our churches offer ESL tutoring. It really does help, and gives them connections which can lead to jobs and further education. Community is equivalent to survival to a refugee like sunlight is to a plant. If they have a nurturing community, refugees will make it in this crazy country and flourish.

 

A Work in Progress

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A Work in Progress

            At this point we’ve met with our family, Ibtisam and Tariq, a few times and it’s had its difficulties and its triumphs in our short time together. I was really nervous the first time I met them, but now we have a routine that we try to stick to where we first study and practice English and then in the last hour or so we chat just about what they’ve been up to and what they’ve seen. Mary Pipher’s work has also reassured me that I can’t be perfect at this. Our family is pretty fortunate, they don’t speak English but they have a son who lives in the area and helps them out from time to time and calls them every day. I feel we’re on the right track of the befriending process. They are comfortable with us, they are open with us, and they trust us. They have voiced to us their joys and their complaints and we do our best to help them and get them to see the silver lining.

One complaint of our refugee family, which I’m sure is not uncommon, is of their living conditions. They’re uncomfortable living in a studio apartment and are hoping their son will find them a new place with at least a bed room. Since they are an older couple, there’s not much that their son and his wife don’t help them with which, I think, is going to help them out a lot more in the long-run. Compared to refugees that come here without anyone that they know, they’ll learn more because they’re not only being helped by us but by their family who has been here and knows the culture well. I have also considered that it could stunt them from finding friends with whom they’d have to speak English however they show such enthusiasm to learn that I’m not worried about that. Ibtisam knows less English than her husband Tariq and it reminds me of Zeenat in Mary Pipher’s book. They’ve told us a couple of times their story of how she, out of tradition, finished high school and then stayed home to raise their family while he finished University and became a Lawyer. So a lot of Tariq’s English is from what he learned in school. However Ibtisam struggles because she hasn’t been in school for so long, and encouraging her to practice with her husband is difficult. Even though it’s hard to get her to practice when we’re not around, she’s very eager when we are and it really makes me happy to see her learning.

Another issue that Ibtisam in particular brought to our attention reminded me so much of the film Lost Boys of Sudan it was uncanny. Ibtisam was a bit peeved the last time we met because she has no idea how to get her driver’s license. I offered to bring her a pamphlet from the DMV and my partner and I told her the few things we knew. I don’t know if she has ever driven before but she seems adamant. But I think they have more to learn before they should get into that. They want to learn everything at once, which we also learn from Mary Pipher, and unfortunately it just can’t be. We have to take baby-steps before we can run. A couple of weeks ago, we came to our family’s home at our usual time for our meeting and no one was home. We felt as though we had been stood up. I had given them my number in case they ever needed it on our first visit but I don’t think they realized that the proper thing to do if they weren’t planning on meeting us that night would have been just to call me and let me know. It wasn’t just about me; it could pertain to other appointments and we want them to fit in better. So we explained to them that they have to call when they know they have to break an appointment and now I just hope that it will stick with them.

Our refugees have become our friends. It seems odd with such an age difference and without being 100% connected through language, but somehow this relationship is already exceeding my earlier expectations. They are so much more open to change than I would have expected and it’s really refreshing whenever we encounter their eagerness. I feel as though with more efforts to befriend refugees through organizations set up to do so, we can altogether illuminate the negative connotation that you sometimes find with the mention of refugees. Like we read in Steimel’s piece, we don’t want them to be seen as a “problem” or “deviant” population. Refugees have been through enough without being reduced to such. Provide more awareness to the problem and people will be more willing to help. The more people willing to help in something like a befriending program, the more refugees get the transition they need and deserve and the higher their success rate. (Behnia) It’s the least we can do for people who have been uprooted from they’re homes.

 

Pre-Service Reflection

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Pre-Service Reflection

            Needless to say, I’m nervous. So far I don’t know exactly what to expect from the family I’ll be working with. Will we get along? Will it be awkward? Will I have to draw things out or will we draw a blank from time to time because we can’t understand each other? I feel like this could be an amazing experience for me. I know it seems somewhat selfish but I love feeling like I’ve done well and done my share of attempting to balance out the chaos and calamity of the world. I hope the family I’m assigned to likes my group, it means a lot to me that we connect and don’t just become known as “the people that come by once a week”. And I really hope that we actually make a difference for good.

The game we played during our first class section kind of helped put into perspective what we may encounter in the family we’re assigned to. Saying that they’ve been through a lot is an understatement, but at the same time we don’t want to dwell on it. I want the family we work with to be comfortable enough with us to share what they’ve been through, but to also feel like they can move forward and belong here. My own personal goals depend on what the family thinks of me and my group. As long as they feel like we’ve really helped them, I’m satisfied.

The thing that intimidates me the most is definitely communication. I have relatives that have just recently come from Syria but we speak Assyrian and worst case, there’s always someone to translate anything I might not understand in Arabic. It’s going to be a challenge, but I hope one that we can move past sooner rather than later. I don’t want the fact that I have

What I want to gain from this experience, I don’t know completely. I have a little bit of guilt and I don’t think helping one family can help, but it’s a good start. I know we don’t have jurisdiction over where we’re born but I sometimes do feel guilty when I see people and their kids coming to the U.S. under the circumstances of a refugee. Having been born here, I’ll never really be able to say that I understand what they’ve been through. I can offer as much compassion as I can, but how can I relate when the biggest strife I’ve ever faced is the cost of a higher education. I guess the resilience of these people is another thing that intimidates me. I haven’t fought a fight half as difficult as they have, but I can do my best to put it aside and give them whatever help they might need. It’s nothing trivial, and I don’t want to treat it that way, but I also want to be able to help these people move on and create a life that they can really feel safe and comfortable in. I may be setting my hopes up high, but I just want to make a difference. The feeling that we can help people in such simple ways is exciting.

A New Outlook

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Gregory E Cyrus

Anthropology 301

Reflection #1

The refugee experience is one so alien to a well-born citizen of the United States, that it is difficult to place oneself on their level. Apart from being members of the human family, we perhaps share little else. Language, culture, nationality, dress, manners, and mores may be partly or completely different from those of our own. It is difficult to even imagine being stateless. American identity defines citizens of this county, conscientiously and subconscientiously. It is with an open mind and caring heart that one must enter into relationships with those who have suffered so dearly.

This reflection may be the most difficult to compose, as the class has yet to meet the families that will be thrust into their lives for, at least, the next 4 months. The readings and presentation has allowed to the class to begin to peer into the lives of refugees. Refugees live under constant threat. War, ethnic conflict, forcible deportations, drought, and famine are just a few of the scourges that compel people to leave their homeland. The refugee experience may turn these people into resourceful and brave survivors, but I would also suggest that those who live under these abject conditions may lose faith in humanity. It may be a difficult task to reassure a refugee’s trust in proper government and charity.

The cross-cultural journey that members of this class are about to embark on is a unique opportunity. As a class, conducted under the auspices of an institution of higher learning, this experience is equipped with guidelines and set assignments. This implies a sort of rigidity. However, flexibility may turn out to be the hallmark of many interactions. Flexibility of schedule, customs, and thinking will be important when dealing with peoples from a foreign culture. This will be important to both the students and the refugee families. One must not allow a breach of unfamiliar customs or etiquette to be taken as an insult. Rather, this is an opportunity for two cultures to learn from each other and teach each other their specific set of values. More importantly, it provides the refugee families the opportunity to learn the culture of their adopted homeland in a direct fashion. As opposed to the fractured multiculturalism of European nations, America is a nation that champions the ideal of assimilation. America is not, nor has ever been, a nation state. The heterogeneous nature of its citizenry has allowed for new citizens to feel American, without having to hurdle the barrier of ethnic identity.

It will be most interesting to see how each family will, in a sense, “use” their students. Will they be interesting in learning the English language or American culture? Will they ask students to help them procure or monitor social welfare programs? What will the students take from their families? Will they learn to enjoy a foreign culture? Will students learn the meaning of Christian charity? Or, rather, will this merely be an assignment for the fulfillment of an academic requirement? It is this author’s opinion that, if nothing else, students will learn to appreciate their life of relative ease.

            In summation, this will be a once in a lifetime experience. The wounds these people have suffered must be mended with kindness and charity. They must be shown that human beings are the source of kindness, and not merely violence. It is also kindness to expose them to the light of American democracy through basic civic education. Language, civics, and charity are the keys to helping these downtrodden people places roots in their new soil. Roots, that will last for generations. And in the future, perhaps their descendants will provide the same kindness to another group of refugees.   

 

Gregory E. Cyrus

Anth 301: Refugee Resettlement, Second Reflection Spring 2013

            When thinking of the refugee couple I have had the pleasure of meeting, I often can’t help but to think of the words of the Book of Samuel, “How the mighty have fallen.” Such is the case with Mr. H and Mrs. H, quinquagenarians living in Rogers Park since July of 2012. Mr. H was a highly respected lawyer in his ancestral city of Baghdad. He enjoys the finer things in life: poetry, gardening, travelling. This was until the collapse of the Ba’athist regime of Saddam Hussein. Since that time members of his family have been assassinated by terrorists. While his children decided to stay in Iraq, Mr. H tells that he left his homeland due to the depression caused by these violent acts. Now they live in a small, one-room apartment. After paying their rent and utilities, they barely have enough money to buy the fruits and vegetables the doctor tells them to eat more of. They would never have even complained about this if we did not ask. They are too proud to loudly voice any displeasure. They suffer in silence.

 In our meetings with refugees we are asked to be “cultural brokers.” This is a position that straddles the line between guide and liaison, friend and ambassador. In many cases, this is a position of great satisfaction. I am truly refreshed, and my spirit uplifted when we can teach this couple something. At first, our meetings were very formal. My partner and I were anxious as to how this couple would react to our visit. My stomach was in knots. We told the couple that we were here to help them with their English, cultural learning, and any other concerns. After the first visit, Mr. H decided that he would take us up on our offer.

Since arriving in the United States, both husband and wife have undergone back surgery. This is left them both infirmed. Although eager to see the city of Chicago, it is difficult for them to move for any length of time. After our first visit, I accompanied Mr. H to the grocery store. I helped him navigate the icy sidewalks. After the second visit, I accompanied him to the bank. He told me I could go, but I told him I would wait. I believe this is part of the befriending process. He told me his sons or daughters would often help him with mobility. We established a trusting relationship that day. On our last trip, the couple was noticeably less formal. Mrs. H, who wears an hijab, seemed more comfortable with a foreign man in her home. We looked at pictures of their children and grandchildren over cups of Basra tea. It is now quite sad when we leave each other’s company.

  Pipher writes about the many trials and tribulations refugees have with culture shock. I have yet to see this in the Hs. The couple seems to have had little trouble adjusting to life in America. We have to remember that before the fall of Saddam’s brutal regime, Iraq was a modern, stable, and largely secular country. The Ba’ath party believed in a policy of secularism and modernity, which distinguished Iraq from its shariah-dominated, anachronistic neighbors. These people are not the empty vessels that the “lost boys” of Sudan are. Living in a large city with modern machines does not astonish them, as it did the “lost boys.” They are used to it. The external trappings of Iraqi and American culture are not so different. They were not raised in camps with little running water.

Behnia writes that it is of the utmost importance to establish boundaries in the volunteer-client relationship. This is the one part that has been the most challenging. Mr. H was excited to learn that I owned a car. He asked if we could take them to different parks, tourist spots, and historic sites in the Chicago area. My partner and I were very happy to do this. The Catholic Charities liaison for our class, however, informed me that he would have to clear it with his agency. The Hs, and I, thought this process would be quick. He called me before our Saturday meeting to ask if I could take them to get their State IDs. I tried to explain to his that I was waiting for Catholic Charities to confirm whether I could drive or not. On the day of our meeting, he called and said that they “were ready for our visit.” When we arrived the couple was dressed in their best clothes. They were disappointed when I told them of the lack of confirmation from CC. It was then that we experienced the difference between the US concept of responsibility and those of non-western peoples. He suggested that we just go anyway, without the approval. I had to insist for around 5 minutes that the law was the law, and that we had to follow it. I told him that this was a very American way of thinking. I relayed that we have a universalistic concept of responsibility. I believe this boundary is now well established, and that they know more about the American concept of rule of law.

Two things that continue to depress them is the amount of bureaucracy they encounter when dealing with the different agencies, and loneliness. I have tried to advocate for them to CC concerning delays with their paperwork, and the Hs know there is little I can do regarding this. They have told us that we are helping with their bouts of loneliness. They have told us that we are “like their children” here in America.

I am a realist and a skeptic. I did not know how well these befriending programs work. I can now see that Behnia is correct when he writes that “befriending programs improve health, increase levels of happiness, reduce the effects of social isolation, and cause the remission of depression.” I can’t wait to see my family again, show them around Chicago, and teach them the finer points of American culture. They have chosen adopt this country and our culture. Befriending has allowed me to be their “cultural broker.”                

 

 

Gregory E. Cyrus

Refugee Resettlement ANTH 301

Reflection #3

The refugee experience is one that I already had experience with. For many years I have been acquainted with political refugees from Eastern Europe. These people are educated, skilled, political refugees who had little trouble adapting to another Western culture. These people benefitted from the United States Government’s ideological and strategic policy of accepting refugees from communist countries carte blanche. There is a great debate between accepting refugees for political reasons or moral reasons. Sometimes both moral and political reasons collide. This is the case with the refugee family I work with, the Hs. As Iraqis who worked with the United States Army, the government felt morally and politically responsible for their safety. Morally, The US disrupted their comfortable lives through the military action and aftermath in Iraq. Politically, Mr. H put himself in harm’s way by working with the occupying forces.

What about the refugees we have no political interest in? What should we do with them? How should they be chosen to enter the United States? Some think that the US should select the refugees they accept based on their professional qualifications. Doctors, engineers, scholars, and other skilled individuals would be the first to get selected in this system. There is no doubt that this would benefit our economy. These people would, no doubt, find work more easily. Also, many foreign intellectuals have some grasp of English. Mr. H, a former lawyer, has a competent grasp of English, without having ever formally studied the language. This has helped him adapt to American culture in less than a year. Another school of thought teaches that it is morally void to preselect people. They believe the US should take those who are the most in need, the most desperate. Should we take bits and pieces of refugee populations, or should we choose to do the greatest good for the greatest amount of people? Should we take all of the Iraqis refugees? This would eliminate an entire refugee population. Would this be a greater accomplishment than taking from only parts of many diverse populations? These questions are not simply answered in “yes” and “no” terms. They are too complex, and the United States government realizes this. I cannot begin to answer these questions. There is no right or wrong answer. Each argument makes valid points. These questions are subject to individual’s personal beliefs and morality.    

However, when the United States chooses to accept refugees, they must be given the opportunity to succeed and learn the native culture. In terms of funding, Volags need the most help. Volags do most of the heavy-lifting when it comes to receiving and helping new arrivals. Yet, their public financial support has dropped off precipitously. Now, they are at the mercy of private donors to support their programs and staff. The recent recessions have hit donations and funding hard. On the base level, refugees themselves simply do not receive enough money. The Hs put themselves and their entire family at risk by bravely serving the United States. Now, they barely make ends meet. They love their new country. They always tell me how proud they are. They take advantage of every program, and strive for success. They are the people that would benefit from increased funding to the ORR and the Volags. They are the model for US refugee resettlement.

            As a realist, I do recognize that there is too much. I have seen this first hand in other countries. There are many refugees in the Southern Swedish city of Malmo. The Swedish government pours huge amounts of money into their refugee program. They do not have the mindset to make refugees independent as soon as possible. These policies have created ghettos. The refugees all live in the same place, so they feel no need to learn the native culture. They also have unlimited financial assistance, so the majority of them do not seek employment. Endless benefits are not the answer. I believe this nation’s policy of creating independence is the correct one, but we simply do not give enough initially. Refugees should have at least a full year to learn basic language skills and job training. It makes no sense to take people from poverty, only to have them remain in that state in the US.

            My opinion about refugees is mixed. My initial family was a group of Bhutanese peasants who did not attend the job training or English classes they were supposed to attend. After some difficulties, I was placed with the Hs. They take learning their new culture and language zealously. They do not isolate themselves. They mix with people of other faiths, cultures, and opinions. They resisted the urge to confine themselves to the Arab community. They have added to the great melting pot. They were Iraqis. They are Americans. We need to do more to help people like them.

Spring 2013 Reflections

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It is my last semester at Loyola University Chicago and I’ve finally enrolled in a Refugee Resettlement class. Some of my fellow classmates have said nothing but good things about this course. Although I am not an Anthropology major, I am still interested in refugee resettlement. My interest for refugees and the issues revolving around them has been an interest of mine for a couple of years now. It was only until this semester that I am given the opportunity to take this course. I thought it would be a perfect class to fulfill my service learning requirement. It has been over a year since I have been a part of Loyola Refugee Outreach and have been volunteering with a refugee family. I would like to say I am relatively familiar with the whole befriending process and ESL tutoring, but that doesn’t mean that I am void of all fears and feelings of nervousness.

Although I already have a refugee family to work with, I have decided that I would like to have another refugee family. There is such a need for more befrienders and volunteers because the number of new families continues to grow. Because I am going to take on another family, feelings of nervousness and worry have flooded my mind. From my previous experiences of working with refugees, I know how hard everything must have been and the hardships they are put through. Really, being born into America, it is a hard concept to fathom, but I have worked with refugees and people in third-world countries enough to possess a general idea of how difficult it could be. When I work with refugees and hear their stories, I always think about how challenging and harsh conditions were. Mary Pipher’s prelude to The Middle of Everywhere also reminded me of this and made me remember that my parents were refugees.

The return of fears and concerns has occupied my mind. I have not met or received any details about my new family yet. I don’t know their background; I don’t know what language they speak; I don’t know what the family consists of. I know the process of family pairing takes a while so I am not too worried about that. What I am concerned about is if I am going to offend the family in any way. I’m sure this thought runs through many people’s minds when they are going to meet someone new. The culture is evidently different; it’s not uncommon for one to be sensitive to new things. This is not a major concern for me, because I will try my best to be conscious of what I do and what they do. Even though I am concerned about being unintentionally offensive, I am excited. I am excited to learn about a new culture and I am excited to help teach newcomers about American culture. My previous experience with my Nepali family has already taught me so much; if I get to learn about another culture, I will be so thrilled and grateful.

In addition to the concern of offending, I am worried about communication. This was addressed in our first class. This concern is definitely not unheard of either. It is only normal for someone to be worried about being able to communicate with another when languages are different. I remember when I was nervous and worried about going to Honduras for my global Brigades trip. Never have I had formal training in Spanish speaking, I have only picked up on it and can understand what is being said rather than responding. That experience, along with my volunteering with a family who speaks Nepali, has taught me that body language is universal. Emotions are universal. I know I worry about being able to communicate but in reality, the family is probably just as worried. I have faith that we’re going to learn, by using each other, to communicate effectively and with that, I hope my family and I learn a lot from each other.

Enrolling in this class will be a wonderful addition to school week, not that I don’t already work with refugees. It’s going to be difficult getting to know the family at first. There are going to be cultural differences and communication problems, but we have to remember some things. Although we as befrienders have fears and concerns, the befriended are just as worried. They have to get to know how to live a new life and learn a new language. The beginning of the befriending process will be a challenge, but I believe that it will be a memorable experience with all involved. I look forward to working with this class and with my new refugee family.

______________________________________

Refugees are at a disadvantage. Having to flee their home country and never live there again is a tough process to deal with. It’s a good thing that there are other countries that are willing to take in these refugees. It is unfortunate that many of the refugees never really know where they are going to end up or whether their family will be able to stay together. In the world, there are about 14 to 16 million recognized refugees, but only approximately 120,000 refugees ever get resettled each year. That is about one percent! That boggles my mind and makes me saddened. Luckily, the United States takes in around fifty percent; unfortunately, the United States ends up providing the least assistance to the refugees. When a refugee goes through refugee resettlement, he or she has the option of participating in the befriending program. The befriending program has its advantages and disadvantages.

Because I have been volunteering with a refugee family prior to taking this course, I am able to relate a lot of what Mary Pipher is talking about. I have only seen some common refugee volunteering experiences with my new Afghani family. Since the first reflection, my partner and I have visited our family about three or so times. Each time, we discover a little more about the family. A quote that struck me was, “We all suffer. Pain and sorrow find a niche in every household… All of us have lost people we love. We have been betrayed or abandoned… Just as suffering is universal, so are systems of healing. All cultures have wisdom to offer their own members and the rest of us” (Pipher 276). There have been times where I have noticed the sadness and suffering within both of my families. Some of the children have expressed that they miss living in Nepal. When they have to write in their journals, there are typically references to Nepal. It saddens me, but I know they still like it here too. They’re such strong people as Pipher said, “The ways people are damaged are also the ways they are made strong” (21). I found out my Afghani family lost their father before they moved to the US. That’s heartbreaking, but yet they can still put a smile on their faces. After learning about the experiences of a refugee and interacting with one in real life, it amazes me to see that they’re still holding up even after all they’ve gone through. They’re some of the strongest people I know.

Mary Pipher talks about how there are universal methods of healing that all people can benefit from such has laughter, music, prayer, touch, forgiveness, faith, talking, and sharing. I can definitely see where Pipher is coming from. Music is very important to Nepali refugees, just as it is for many other people. It is common to find Nepali/Bhutanese refugees looking up YouTube videos of movies and music that they’ve listened to or seen before. I see my family members laugh and dance, demonstrating such happiness to be brought back to their home country, in a sense. The kids in my Nepali family are always eager to show my partners and me new or old songs that they used to listen to. It opens up the cultural window for us. We get to see inside their culture and compare it to ours. Rarely, do we hear the kids playing American mainstream songs. I can tell that they are trying to hold onto what they have of their culture. That is very understandable. Just because they are in a new country, I don’t feel that they should entirely forego their own culture. This reminds of me the scene in the “Lost Boys of Sudan” where one of the men mentioned that they’re in Texas now and not Africa, so they need to leave Africa behind. I did not entirely agree with him when he said that. We all have the ability to learn about or adopt several cultures; we’re not bound to having one culture in our lives. Leaving one’s own culture behind could result in losing one’s sense of self, especially since culture is one of the big factors in creating our identification. Keeping in touch with one’s culture or being able to express yourself without feeling restricted can be healing. Seeing my refugee families dancing and laughing while listening to music helps me feel better to see that they’re not wallowing in sadness and can find fun and happiness in the things that they love. I felt this way while watching the Lost Boys still dancing in the parking lots outside their apartment buildings, too.

Some limitations to the befriending program are that they pool from volunteers and the refugees are similar to clients. I enjoyed reading Behnam Behnia’s article, “An Exploratory Study of Befriending Programs with Refugees: The Perspective of Volunteer Organizations.” He brings up some interesting but important ideas. Not only do volunteer agencies have a hard time recruiting volunteers, but they have a difficult time retaining them too. I would have to agree with this. A lot of organizations choose students as their volunteers. Though that is a large population to choose from, there are some disadvantages to doing that. From my experience a member of Loyola Refugee Outreach and as a part of this class, some students choose to volunteer for varying reasons. Some reasons could be for altruism or some could be relating to having to fulfill a requirement. Students’ schedules are always changing so finding volunteers that can commit for a while rather than just a couple of months is difficult. This leads the befriending programs to be temporary and almost inconsistent.

Another issue I see with the befriending program is that although we are called “befrienders,” we end up treating the refugees as “clients.” Behnia mentions that befriending is different from friendship and I agree with him. As much as I would like to believe that we are all friends, this level of friendship is a bit different from your typical friendship like the ones you form at school or in school organizations. Friends treat each other on an equal level, but with the befriending relationship, it’s more like an “asymmetrical relationship between one party seeking help and the other offering it” (Behnia, 16). Everything is more scheduled in the befriending program. We have a day and time to visit the refugees each week while in friendship, it is more irregular. When volunteering with a refugee family, it is almost expected that you will visit a certain day and time each week. I know my Nepali kids usually call my partner and me if we are late or something, because they expect us there Friday evenings. With my Afghani family, I feel like they only expect us to be visiting for homework help. For example, we wanted to visit them twice in one week, but they called us and said we don’t need to come because the kids don’t have homework. I thought that was interesting, because we would not have minded just playing games with them or just talking with them. I suppose that may have been what the family is used to. They are just used to having the volunteers help with homework, because there are so many kids that the previous volunteers may not have had time to do anthing else. This leads me to think about how I worry about the kids’ schoool work. The befriending program is good in that we get to give the refugees more individualized attention especially the students are so behind in school, because they already have a disadvantage in the English language and have not had schooling in a long time.

All of this makes me appreciate that there is a program like this for the refugees. It’s important to have someone to get to know when put into a new environment. It makes the harsh adjustment process slightly easier. I know I would be appreicative of the befrienders that would visit me if I were a refugee, but because I am a befriender, I start to wonder the extent of my impact for the refugees I help. I desire to help each of them until I feel comfortable with the idea of them being able to help themselves, but I know that I can only help them for a certain period of time. It makes me appreciate all the help I get in life and put more effort in the help that I give to others.

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Until I took this course in Refugee Resettlement, I was not fully informed on the history of refugees in America. It is now clearer to me why there are such misunderstandings and misconceptions revolved around refugees. America is typically seen as the country to go to, the “dream” country. Almost everyone, especially those who are outside of America, see this country as the land of opportunity and such. It’s been that way for a while. That is one of the reasons why America receives so many immigrants and is diverse in its population. Although moving out here may be easier on some people, for others living here may be much more difficult. The families I have worked with and witnessing their adjustments helped me see how America has created some misconceptions and misunderstandings about refugees. This population is definitely one of the most resilient that I have worked with.

It is hard to believe that three months have already passed by. The time passed by so quickly. If you think about it, this is about how long refugees have to learn enough English to acquire themselves a job. As being a part of the refugee program, this is one of the requirements. The family I work with has members who speak English relatively well for being in America for a year. Many of them have jobs; I’m proud of them for being able to accomplish that while going to school as well. This makes me think of those refugees that are still struggling to learn more English to get hired for a job. Three months is not that long to achieve that, if you think about where they have to start. The time crunch that refugees are put through and the focus on those who haven’t learned English and acquired a job almost create a misunderstanding for Americans who think refugees aren’t really contributing to American society. In reality, there is not a sufficient amount of resources aiding refugees. Sure, there are classes and such that they can take, but we have to consider the fact that English is a complicated language that takes years to become fluent in. Learning that many members in my family work at the airport and some even working in the lobby proves that they can succeed even though there are obstacles to overcome.

David Haines mentions that there are “great variations in English, educational, and occupational backgrounds among refugees overall,” which determines how well they shape to their new homes (Haines 32). I would have to agree, because the refugee population is really diverse. We have to consider that when we’re thinking about the impact of the refugee program. Because there is such diversity, providing services is very challenging. People come from so many backgrounds; measuring the success of the program is difficult, as Haines states. Having worked teaching English to refugees, I work with refugees that have just recently come in the country to people that have been here for four years. I notice the variations in adjustment. For the refugee who has only been here for a couple of months and having never learned a formal language, he is having trouble adapting. He tends to stay within his comfort zone with members of his own ethnic community, which is very understandable. For members of my Afghani family who have been here for about a year, I see that they’re trying to explore more about American culture. Then they are refugees who have been here for four years and are much younger. The kids are friends with members of other ethnic communities and are more assimilated in American society. Because they are younger, I feel it is much easier for them to adapt.
I feel that society typically focuses on people’s failures than successes. When it’s a success, it seems to be attributed to the person which I can understand. But when it is a failure, it is due in part of the program. Misunderstandings can arise due to this tendency. The rate of refugees becoming citizens is actually higher than other migrants. Refugees can be successful, become citizens and assimilate into American culture. Considering the amount of resources refugees are provided with, I feel that they are extremely strong in enduring the struggles they’re put through and still finding happiness in what they have.

The families and refugees that I have worked with are amazing. My experience with refugees will always be a big part of my life. Although I am graduating and the semester is over, it doesn’t mean that I will stop working with refugees. I hope to be able to visit my families from time to time and see how much they’ve grown and adjusted. I am glad that I became a volunteer and contributed to the refugee resettlement process. I see how hard they work despite how much they’ve gone through and the little resources they may have. I also have learned about the technicalities involved in the refugee resettlement process. It makes me think sometimes why we take so many refugees in yet spread the services and resources we have for them so thin. Maybe if we didn’t do that, there wouldn’t be such a misconception about refugees and we as a society would focus more on the successes of the program instead.

ANTH 301 Reflections 1, 2 and 3

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I’ve decided to upload all of my reflections in one post. Please respond with comments or questions! Thanks.

Reflection #1

September 4, 2012

My initial thoughts before meeting the refugee family are mixed. Of course I am really excited to meet everyone and to have this amazing opportunity to get to know a refugee family. However, I am also afraid that I may offend them or that I will not be able to help them as much as I would like to. I am sure once I get to know them I will really enjoy meeting them, but for now I do not know what to expect.  My partner and I have been matched with an Afghan family of eleven, including children and adolescents, so there will be lots of people to meet.

My previous experience working with refugees has been through my volunteer role at LIFT. We usually meet with the clients for an hour a week, and there is no way to know if we will meet with them again, so I have not really been able to get to know a refugee and really hear their story. I’ve worked with two single men, one from Vietnam and from Western Africa, and with each you could really tell their frustration. Both were living in homeless shelters and both were looking for work, but there is such a lack of opportunities and aid that they told me they often became discouraged. When I was working with the client from Vietnam I became really frustrated because we were trying to get him a job in a restaurant, but finding little success; it bugged me because he spoke Vietnamese and also some Mandarin, Japanese, French, and Spanish, and yet he was applying for dishwashing positions. But he kept trying and was excited to be in this country, even though he had to start at the bottom.

Additionally, I had the opportunity to work with a woman from Togo for several months, and I got to know her a bit better. We of course had some cultural misunderstandings and some language barriers (we spoke in a mix of English and French) but she was such hard working, funny person. I discovered that if I asked her more about her life in Togo and Benin that we could end our meetings on a more positive note, despite the frustrations we had getting bus passes, finding jobs, and working with administrators at her daughter ‘s high school, etc.  She even taught me a few words in her first language, Ewe, which was really fun. She seemed surprised that I was interested in Ewe, but was excited to teach me. She always impressed me because she spoke three languages fluently and was supporting her two children by herself.

So despite my nervousness, I am really excited to get to know an entire refugee family. I hope that my partner and I can at least listen to their stories and be a welcoming presence. I cannot really imagine what they have been through, but I feel really honored that they are willing to welcome two strangers into their home. So in that way I guess I could think of my role as welcoming them, but in reality this family will be doing a lot more to welcome us. I really have not had any opportunities to know such a different culture. So I already feel grateful that I am going to have this chance.

I’ve always wanted to travel abroad and to get to know different cultures, but when I was reading Mary Pipher she talked about how her time with refugees has helped her see America in a new way. I had never thought about that before—that through the experiences of refugees in America you could realize how this country appears to an immigrant. We have always been taught to see the U.S. in terms of the American dream, but I bet that image changes for a refugee who has to navigate our bureaucracy and culture.

So in conclusion, I am a little nervous but very excited to work with this family. I’m hoping that we can share a little of each other’s cultures, that Angie and I can explain some things, and maybe find a concrete way to help them in their transition.  I think this will be a humbling and enlightening experience, and that I will probably learn a lot.

 

Reflection #2

October 31, 2012

Halfway into the semester I have found myself greatly enjoying my time with the refugee family I have been assigned to. I am always impressed by their friendliness and the effort they put into embracing their life in America. We’ve built our friendship by exchanging gifts of food and trying to learn each other’s languages. Of course, there are limits to my partner and I’s befriending efforts; in a family with ten children, many of whom are around our age, we have taken on some of the duties of older sisters in tutoring the school age children. Our family decides what they want us to work on with them taking the needs of the youngest children into account.

My partner and I spend the majority of our time tutoring the youngest children, ages 9, 10, 12 and 14, on math and science. Usually only the youngest children are home and the elder children are at ESL classes or at work. This limits our ability to communicate as the oldest girls are the ones that speak a lot of English. Nevertheless, when studying gets too tedious or frustrating we often discuss what things are like at school or they teach us words in Persian. At the beginning and end of our visit we greet the older children and their mother, and occasionally they sit in and observe how we are doing. I think this provides a chance to spend time together without the pressure to communicate constantly. During our meetings everyone is oriented towards a common goal, helping the youngest children succeed in school. While I wish I could get to know everyone it’s unfair to criticize the family in their choices; it seems like the older children have more important things to worry about and can solve their problems without our help.

Recently, as my partner and I have become more familiar presences in their living room and as all of us are getting to know everyone’s personalities, we are getting to the opportunity to talk more with the family, rather than just tutoring. Everyone seems more relaxed and knows what to expect so both my partner and I and the family members feel freer to ask questions. Occasionally, the second eldest son has expressed some frustration as he did not have the opportunity to go to school when they lived in Afghanistan and Pakistan and thus he is much further behind in his English than his sisters. He is taking ESL classes but must also work downtown full-time, and while it may seem like he is jealous of his younger siblings I think it is more just frustration at his slower progress, and what is perceived as success for a refugee, learning English.  However, he is working at a restaurant downtown even though he knows very little English, and I think this is quite successful. It also gives us the opportunity to talk about his past job experiences and how he wants to become a taxi driver. We even get to talk about the Spanish phrases he is learning from his co-workers!

Probably the most poignant interaction was last week when the topic of death came up. As the twelve year old was practicing math problems the mother came in to pray and then was joined by an elder sister. As we discussed someone who was attending a funeral, the mother asked me about what Americans do when someone dies, through her daughter. Not only was this important because the mother, who doesn’t speak any English, was initiating conversation, but also because the family’s father died a little over a year ago. As I described what Americans do for the dead we all got teary-eyed and it was a moment of shared feeling that hadn’t really happened before.

When reading Behnam Behnia’s overview of befriending practices I saw a lot of similarities with my role as a volunteer through Catholic Charities. I really do agree with Behnia on the importance of befriending programs for refugees; they can help refugees feel accepted by their new society and give them a new ally in their struggles to build a new life. While my role is more limited than many of the volunteer programs Behnia describes, I believe that I still help my family in giving them the opportunity to ask questions about America and just as a gesture of support from the community. I think it means a lot to have someone from your new society treat you more than as just a refugee. Which is why I disagree with the concept of “new humanitarianism”, as described by DeLuca, “that emphasizes benevolence over justice, charity over obligation and generosity over entitlements” (page 17). When you decide to give emphasize benevolence instead of justice are you treating them more or less like an equal? For me it is less; justice especially in America rests on an idea of equality, so that you recognize that someone is deserving of justice because that could have been you. With benevolence one has a greater chance of being condescending or paternalistic. Most importantly, the shift from obligation to charity is rather misguided. For my part, I see my work with my refugee family not as an act of charity or good-heartedness, but as the opportunity to do my part. When there is someone in our society that lacks resources or is vulnerable there is an obligation from other members of that society to help them. Besides, focusing too much on my charity towards a family and not on society’s duty to help those in need gives me way too much credit.

Finally, as I have been talking about my amazing experiences working with a refugee family more and more I have noticed what Dr. Steimel discusses in her article about America’s presentation of refugees. Most of the people I talk to do not reciprocate my enthusiasm about this opportunity, in fact, most do not see it as an opportunity. Instead I am “helping out the needy”, “teaching someone about life in America”, or “working with helpless victims”. It is often uprising to me how much this family is embracing American culture, when I really shouldn’t be surprised anymore. I email them the photos they took using my phone because their mother does not want them putting them on Facebook. This brings up an interesting aspect that I haven’t touched on, that they are Muslim, but this is not really an issue and I am also getting to know more about the family through their religious traditions. I really appreciate being able to get a glimpse into this family’s experiences.

 

Reflection #3

December 11, 2012

After spending an entire semester visiting with a refugee family I am still amazed by how rewarding an experience it has been. Not only do I look forward to my weekly visits with the family, but I also tell everyone about my awesome refugee family during the rest of the week. I feel very lucky to be able to work with such a wonderful family.

Of course there have been some issues that my partner and I have had to deal with. As expected, the language barrier continues to cause frustrations, especially when tutoring the kids.  It is really hard to explain math concepts like algebra or even division when the children do not know that much English still. There are also several children with different levels of knowledge and different learning styles; this can be a challenge when all of them are working in the same room and often commenting on each other’s homework, but luckily all of our children get a long relatively well and feelings are not hurt.  A related problem is that without a lot of formal schooling before coming to America the older children are quite behind; starting out in 7th grade algebra when you are still shaky on multiplication and division can be incredibly difficult. The younger children, who are starting at an easier level, have found it much easier to learn new concepts and catch up with their peers.

My partner and I use several different tactics to overcome these challenges. When we ask the children to do basic math equations we do so in Persian and we also count with them in Persian. Basically, when working on mental math we have found it easier to speak in Persian so that there is one less step in finding the answer. I have found that this allows us to focus on practicing multiplication, division etc. without having to translate. We also use our hands when the children get stuck on a problem, which not only makes it more interactive but also involves the other children, depending on how high the numbers are. Since we only meet once a week, Angie and I have also given the children flashcards so that they can practice multiplication and division at home.

We also have a lot of fun overcoming language barriers. In between lessons and homework we draw each other pictures and exchange them as gifts. The children also like to teach us new words in Persian, or we combine English and Persian words to make jokes.  My partner and I also teach them words in Spanish, French and Italian, which we then practice saying. The benefit of having so many people in the room is that there is always someone to help with translation.

My partner and I mostly tutor when we visit, since there are so many children in school and most of the adults work full-time. Yet this is also a way of befriending the rest of the family, as they really value education so they also value the time we spend with the children. We usually have time after homework to talk with the older girls about their classes and work, and also to complain about how silly the kids are, or how the boys do not practice their math. Additionally, the mother has started sitting in on the tutoring for a little while each week, which has actually become very helpful as the children have become a little less disciplined as they have grown more comfortable with us.

Overall, it seems like the family has been doing well. None of them talk about family problems with us, but one-on-one some of the older girls have expressed frustration with working. One of the girls is taking CNA classes, but says she finds it hard to find time to study when she works so much. There is also the problem of finding a job; although the older daughters have good English they still are not getting call backs after interviews, and wearing a hijab surprisingly limits their job prospects a great deal. It is really unfortunate that the only jobs that they can find are far away from home and very low pay. They must also deal with unsympathetic supervisors who do not really care about them as people. They have been through so much as refugees, and the only opportunities we have for them are these jobs that further stigmatize and isolate them.

David Haines addresses the issue of employment in his book, Safe Haven?  : A History of Refugees in America, when he asks whether these immediate, low-skill positions offer long-term careers that can ensure success (Haines, 13). The topic of careers has come up during a few visits with our refugee family; the youngest children are very proud of their older sister for taking CNA classes to become a nurse. When we asked them what they wanted to be when they grew up the two youngest girls said that they wanted to be doctors, the second youngest boy wanted to be a police officer, and the youngest boy  initially said he wanted to be a police officer, but then changed his mind and said he just wanted to stay at home and do nothing! In a previous conversation the second eldest son  told me he wants to be a taxi driver and as soon as his English is better his friend will help him prepare for the exam.

Working so closely with a refugee family and putting so much effort into learning about each other’s cultures and backgrounds puts a different face on the topic of refugee resettlement. It creates a conflict between general perspectives and individual stories which makes you think about how policies and practices could be changed to better suit refugees’ actual needs, but also challenges the notion that one individual can represent the plight of the refugee.

Overall, I have found that in working with my family it has not so much been an experience of learning about refugees, as it has been of learning about a different culture and a different family. Working with the children has been particularly rewarding, and have begun considering teaching ESL as a career option. I hope to continue working with my refugee family next semester.

Reflection 2 & 3

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So I forgot to upload reflection #2, so I’m going to put 2 & 3 back to back to make it easier to compare my reflections along the way. I hope that doesn’t confuse anyone!

Niel Spidle
ANTH 301: Refugee Resettlement
Second Reflection
Fall 2012

Working with the refugee families has and will continue to be a very uplifting experience. Reading about and working with the families, it is amazing that these families can have such an uplifting spirit. From the stories that we share in class, the books that we read, and our own families, these refugees endure so much but come with so much hope and desire to live as much as they can.
The family I am assigned to broke all expectations that I had going into this class. I wasn’t sure what to expect in the first place, but when I met them I knew I was in for a whole new experience. I mentioned before that I had some experience communicating with people that have little English skills, but that only gave me minimal assistance communicating with my family. From what we’ve gone over in class, and from the readings in Pipher’s book, it’s normal for families to have multiple language experience without English, so my partner and I tried many things to attempt to communicate with our family. Google failed us on many counts, but after weeks of searching, we found a dictionary online that translated simple words and phrases, and it made all the difference. We were able to point out what we needed much easier and more accurately than us trying mimic out the action or rephrasing everything into long, usually more complicated sentences.
Teaching English has become one of our main goals whenever we go over there, but there are other things that we do as well. The children really love my partner, who plays with them constantly when they’re around. They’ve really taken to trusting us and knowing that we are there to help their family. The mother and father really enjoy the break, but also understand that we can help with lots of things around the house and community. When we go over English homework, the adults in the family seem much more interested in doing it than the kids. We help them more than we actually help the kids. While they are learning very quickly, they still have a little way to go. Their main concern is finding and getting jobs, so what we have been doing is not only help them communicate what they might need on a job, but also make sure they understand their resumes. They have a huge drive to get things done and make sure they make the best of their situation, which is not only very heartwarming to see but also very motivating. I feel so lazy compared to our family, I feel like I need to do much more with my time. Even reading and hearing other refugee stories I see the determination, and it amazes me how much a person can do when given the chance.
Another thing we do for our family is we try and make sure they are prepared for winter. This is their first winter in Chicago, and I’m not sure if the understand just how cold it can get. They have family that has been here, but I don’t know for how long or if they have been able to talk about the changing weather. We definitely made sure that they had warm clothes before the really cold weather hit (they were already getting cold when it was still 60 outside, I’m glad we got what we could when we did). Our original idea was to try and get our personal families to donate some clothes and other things to the refugee family, but I thought that if we did that the family might start to rely on us a little too much. What they really needed to know was where and how to get decent clothes for the winter. So instead of just giving them clothes, we convinced their case worker to give the family some money, and we were able to take the family out shopping instead. It took some convincing to get the mother and father to buy some warm clothes (they didn’t seem to like anything, especially the idea of wearing boots), but in the end everyone ended up with clothes for the upcoming months. If they ever need more clothes, or decide that those boots are a good idea, they now know where to get them and what to expect as far as price range goes.
Our family is also much more connected in the community than I expected starting this. Like I stated before, they have some family over here, but I’m really not sure how long they’ve been over here. Because of this, we usually end up seeing many more members of the family than we actually were assigned to. It’s always a surprise who we’re going to see, and we have to tailor our visits depending on who is around. If there are a lot of kids running around, it’s hard for the parents to concentrate, so we had to find something for the kids while we helped the adults. I found myself very surprised when I pulled out my netbook and the youngest grabbed it away from me and started looking up Nepali songs on YouTube. Next came wrestling and monster trucks, but what surprised me was that he knew very much how to use the computer, while I don’t think the parents would have fared so well. At least it provided the distraction we needed and so we were able to do some English practice with the parents. Having one on one time with both the adults and the children of the family really allow us to tailor to what they need. We understand everyone’s needs and are able to split up our time accordingly. That really seems to be the trick between many of the refugee families that need help in the book: to figure out how to help the individual members as well as the overall family.
I feel like I am gaining an extremely valuable lesson through this whole experience and through these readings. While we don’t know our families stories and struggles to get here, if they’re anything like the stories in the book they would be incredibly heartbreaking. Learning the struggles that people have to go through just to live a life that I have probably taken for granted my whole life has opened my eyes to really start appreciating everything that I have. Our refugee family is so grateful and thankful for everything given to them, I only hope that I can do everything that I possibly can to help them. I am trying to keep our help to more of a learned experience than charity, but our family is very grateful for even that. I hope that I can continue to help them with whatever I can while I figure out everything that I can, and should, do to help them.

~~~

Niel Spidle
ANTH 301
Final Reflection
Fall 2012
Reflection 3

To be honest I didn’t really think too much about refugees before this class. I had a roommate that worked with them and talked about her experience with them, but I still felt a disconnect between myself and them, as if they were just some far away people that couldn’t impact my life in any way. I didn’t really know how taking this class would change my mind, but I needed an engagement course and so I signed up for it. I had done some work engaging in other cultures and other languages through previous experiences, and so I thought working with the family would be similar to that. I had studied abroad and learned how to adapt to other people and cultures, and I had also decided to engage in religious traditions that were not my own, most notably fasting for Ramadan. I would meet up with a friend every day and travel to different mosques, attempting to learn as much as I could from my friend and the people around me. It was definitely a learning experience, but nothing compared to taking this class.
This class has changed the way I think since I started working with my family and reading about refugee experiences. To actually have someone rely on my partner and me was eye opening. We didn’t really know our family’s story, but we read enough about why there were refugees in their home that we really didn’t want to know. Now, after taking this class, I feel like I just want to keep doing stuff to help these families. I would do outside research and put in extra effort just to try and make our family comfortable. I’ve never really done that for a class before, it was always just do the assignment and get done, but this class made me want to do more. I have so many bookmarks on my computer relating to Nepal they overshadow my other bookmarks. I definitely feel like my worldview has grown, but also the world itself has shrunk. I never realized how many different cultures existed around me, and now I just want to explore to see what’s around me. I also want to try and make a difference in people’s lives, instead of just coasting by and not being informed on anything. I’ve even started looking for jobs at refugee organizations.
Our family was awesome and a great experience to work with. They spoke little English, which was an obstacle, but we were able to find a Nepali-English dictionary online which saved us on a few occasions. The father picked up English fairly quickly, which we assume attributed to his quick job placement. After he got the job we never saw him again, but we were happy that he was able to find work, and so fast. Our family was connected to other families that our class was taking care of, and so they had a large support group right off the bat, which was helpful to us but also a little confusing. I feel like every time we went over to their house there were new people hanging around. Most spoke almost no English, which didn’t help with our translation issues. Most of our time we spend going over English with the mother, especially job and interview material. We helped her build her resume and even tried exploring other options for income, like knitting or sewing. I don’t think she understood what we were doing, but I looked up information on how to get them involved with knitting and if there was any way that can be used by the refugees for a small addition to their income.
When we took the family on trips, they seemed to really enjoy it. If anything it kept the kids occupied for a while, which was good because I feel like they’re always looking for things to do. On our trip to the Lincoln Park zoo we would name off animals in English and they would repeat after us, and they would do the same for Nepali. It was a fun little game. I’m actually not sure how they reacted to the Halloween party. I think they enjoyed it, but it was so hectic that I lost track of what was going on pretty early on. One thing we loved was going to the Bhutanese Festival with our family. Our trips seemed to be more American than anything else, and it was an interesting way to learn about our family’s culture and traditions for a change.
Our family excelled in motivation to get involved with their new lives. They always asked questions and we answered them as much as possible, which told us they were really trying to adapt and learn. Like I said before, the dad of our family got a job after being here for about 2 months, which surprised us since we weren’t able to see him anymore. I know the family needs more help, especially with English, but over the next few years I believe that they can prosper and grow over here, especially the kids. They seem pretty involved in their community already, knowing events before we even tell them, and hopefully they continue to get involved and can really improve their quality of life.
Well, there are a lot of things that can be done to better support refugees in this country, but it would take forever to put them to paper. One important thing I will say is that I think more exposure would really benefit them. Whenever someone asks me what I do/did on Saturdays, I always had to explain what a refugee is and what I was doing with them, unless they worked with refugees themselves. People are very sympathetic when I explain all the things refugees have to go through, but they had no idea this even really existed until I told them. Another thing would be to get more people involved. The more people involved raises awareness and really helps the families by not only giving them more volunteers, but it also pressures our government into supporting more refugee programs and is a great way to reform old outdated policies that may be in place now.

End of Semester Reflection

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When befriending a refugee it is nearly inevitable that both parties involved will be impacted and changed. Before taking this course I had minimal knowledge of refugees. Off the top of my head I can’t even recall meeting one prior to this semester. While I know it was unintended, the first few weeks of class gave me the impression that refugees were needy, bothersome people. My semester volunteering with a large Congolese family has done nothing but refute that. They have inspired me, surprised me, and shown me just how resilient people can be. And in return, I believe that I have also surprised and inspired them.

Along with beginning this semester with little knowledge of refugees, I had even less knowledge of the process a refugee goes through in order to be brought to America. That alone showed me that no ordinary person can be a refugee. The title of refugee is something to be proud of. It means you have overcome many obstacles and that many more are on the horizon. But most importantly, it shows that you have not given up. I was most impacted this semester by realizing how much perseverance a family must have in order to relocate themselves halfway across the world and manage to stay together. The journey of a refugee is not for the faint of heart.

Watching my refugee family support each other for the last three months has reminded me of how precious family is. In coming to America all they had was each other and they haven’t taken that for granted for a moment. I have always been aware of the world that exists outside of my own daily life, but once a week this semester I was blessed to step back from the hustle and bustle and reflect on what really matters in life. Other cultures have a way of reminding us to set time aside for our families and for our faith. Other cultures have a knack for putting our lives into perspective for us when we are too busy to realize it ourselves. For me, that has been the most valuable experience in befriending. We are blessed with so many things in this life, and too often enough we don’t set time aside to be thankful for them.

Not so coincidentally, “Thank you” and “God bless you” were the most common phrases I heard from my family this semester. From the youngest to the oldest, no one was afraid of over emphasizing how grateful they were. While this was one of their greatest strengths, it was also a weakness. Often their English was not comprehensive enough to express their gratitude in any other way. As they make their life here in America my biggest concern is how hard it will be for anyone in the family to find a job. There English has greatly improved since the beginning of the semester, but it still isn’t considered conversational English. In order to be hired somewhere they will need to improve their English and I fear it is a skill that will only improve with time. Unfortunately, as a refugee, the amount of time they are given before they are expected to be self-sufficient is very brief. To my understanding, their government funding is supposed to cease soon and no one in the family is employed yet.

Because of this, disappointingly, my refugee family will probably end up working low class jobs for meager pay. It’s unfortunate that a language barrier can hinder someone so much but that’s the reality of the world we live in. They all have many strengths and talents but without a common form of expressing them they are subjected to being taken advantage of. In Africa they were pastors and daycare workers. Here they will most likely end up in food service or janitorial work. It takes a strong person to swallow their pride and accept a job far below what they have spent their entire life doing, and that is often what a refugee must do. It is just another example of what a person is capable of when it comes to what is best for their family. It is a sacrifice many Americans have trouble making.

Because of this resilience I believe my family will make it in America, but I do not think it will be easy. No matter what happens, however, I know that they will get through it together. They have adjusted incredibly thus far because they have each other and I have little doubt that within a few years they will nearly be completely integrated into American society. That’s not to say they will abandon their own culture and values which they currently have strong ties to. I mean to say that they are all very intelligent and observant. They pick up quickly on what we Americans consider normative. I believe they have the ability to find that crucial balance between cultures and make it work successfully for them while still managing to be happy.

While I can see the flaws in the resettlement system, I’m not sure what can be done to improve them. Three months isn’t long enough for a family to learn English and become self-sufficient but America only has so much money that can go toward resettlement. Asking qualified individuals to work low status jobs isn’t fair but only so much can be done to integrate someone into society that doesn’t speak our language. So many obstacles must be overcome to make it in America it’s a wonder anyone can achieve it. The system isn’t perfect, but from my experience with Catholic Charities, the workers are genuine. It seems to me the biggest issue is one of time, and that’s the one thing most Americans seem to have the least of.

A Two Way Road

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Time has really flown by! It was a sweltering September afternoon when Sarah (my partner) and I met the T* family and now, November is here. Contrary to with the dying, falling leaves and the drop in temperature, there has been growth and warmth.  My friendships with Sarah and the Iraqi family of four have blossomed into many bonding moments. We’ve listened, laughed, and learned from one another while chatting over spiced tea. We’ve played games with the four-year-old son, watched TV and chatted about world news with the grandmother (who is mostly fluent in English), and assisted the parents with ESL homework and Chicago living. The family teaches us about their customs, values, and traditions and we answer their questions about the English language and urban, Midwestern U.S. culture and customs (specifically, the oddities of Rogers Park and the complexities of generational and cultural differences).

(Our tea is often boiled with fragrant cardamom pods...mmm...)

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Congolese Befriending- Reflection 2

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Looking back on my first reflection as I prepare to write my second I realize that a lot of the concerns I initially had, while valid, mostly turned out to be unproblematic. A lot of the things I worried about haven’t been issues at all and as whole the experience has been amazing. I’ve been nothing but pleased with how things are going and I can see each week just how grateful the family is that we spend time with them. The first few weeks I was curious as to whether or not befriending them would make a difference or if they just might show a lack of interest in general with us trying to befriend them, as Behnam Behnia stated in the document we were assigned to read for class sometimes happens (Behnia 6). Now, however, I can look back on the last two months and see what an impact we’ve had on the family.

In the beginning my greatest fear was of burning out and having too much asked of me. Our class lectures made it seem like some refugees ask for a lot out of befrienders or even demand things from them. So far our family has asked for nothing from us. They have been extremely grateful of all the little things that we have brought them or done with them but they have yet to make any ridiculous requests of us. I was scared our refugees might be traumatized or distant with us and the first few weeks I wondered if they only put up with us because we brought them things like winter coats and light bulbs and mechanical pencils. These worries amounted to nothing. The three hours we spend a week with our family mostly amount to laughing and sharing stories or answering questions about American culture. So far nothing has been stressful or dramatic like I anticipated. I understand how befriending could be daunting and time-consuming, as Behnia states and how I was initially concerned, but thus far neither of those things have been an issue for me (Behnia 11).

Further, we have fortunately not had any issues of cultural clashing as Mary Pipher often mentions in her book, The Middle of Everywhere. Our family greets us with hugs and smiles and handshakes each week, as is the norm in America. In my first reflection I wondered how initial greetings were to take place. We have also not had any problems with gender boundaries or odd practices. The family told us that when they arrived in America they were strictly told not to eat squirrels here, as they are often eaten in Africa. As it turns out, the dad was the only person in the family who enjoyed squirrel meat so the transition has been pretty easy. The rest of the family prefers chicken. Laughing over these kinds of stories is what has brought us together and what has made my experience so far so enjoyable.

These instances of genuine friendship that we offer the family are what they are the most grateful for. They have a few friends from back home that are in the Rogers Park area and they are frequently visiting the family while we are visiting them. However, I think having American friends has greatly helped them with the transition. They are finally to a point where they are comfortable around us and aren’t afraid to ask us questions. We usually answer questions that their friends have too.  I feel that this safe environment we have created has done a lot to ease the anxiety of the family, reduce their isolation, and fend off depression as Behnia says befriending often does (Behnia 3). Last week they had a lot of questions about the Halloween decorations they saw around town and after our discussion with them they were noticeably more relaxed, with the exception of their oldest son who asked several times, just to make sure, that ghosts don’t really snatch children on Halloween night. The family was very amused by this but we all reassured him that it’s just a silly holiday.

More so, I have been amazed at how quickly everyone in the family has picked up English. We have always found a way to clearly communicate with each other and I think us coming once a week has improved their confidence with speaking English. We always offer to help them and we assist with homework as well. They were all very eager to read the Shel Silverstien and Dr. Seuss books we brought, per the recommendation of Mary Pipher on page 85 of The Middle of Everywhere, and they can’t wait until we go to the library to get library cards. They are all very eager to learn English and improve their socioeconomic position. From what I can tell they are actively pursuing the American dream like Sarah Steimel talks about in her article Refugees as People (Steimel 10). It is very important to them that the kids keep up on their homework as they know it will make a huge difference in their children’s future.

On the other end of the spectrum of the American Dream, our family has also discovered American consumerism. The TV provided to them didn’t have a DVD hook-up, so the family went out and bought a 40” flat screen TV. Part of me fears that this is a slippery slope in the same way that the ‘Lost Boys’ of Sudan were portrayed as “Empty vessels, waiting to be filled with American material culture,” in both Steimel’s article (Steimel 14) and in the movie we watched in class. The other part of me thinks maybe this TV will be one thing that they can be proud of and maybe it will bring them happiness. Or, as a Swahili speaking family, maybe they just really wanted to watch the Lion King with us like we offered. Either way, as we spend more time with the family we can see how their thoughts on consumerism unfold and offer them sound advice on knowing the difference between what they need and what they want (Pipher 89).

Overall I feel the practice of befriending has been very beneficial not only for our family but for us as well. Our family is doing very well and adjusting appropriately. Much of this probably has to do with them as a family and their own personal experiences and outlooks on moving to America, but from my experience befriending them had done nothing but help this transition. Their laughter and eagerness to improve their situation in America makes me proud to work with them. Their resilience and effort are admirable and remind me to keep my own life in perspective.

My Bhutanese Family and the Significance of Befriending

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            During my past two semesters at Loyola, I had managed to find time to volunteer once or twice a week. That would not have been possible this semester with increasingly difficult classes and a work study internship. Anthropology 301 has given me a great opportunity to volunteer with a Bhutanese refugee family while at the same time learning about refugees in America. It’s been interesting to see what I have been learning in this class play out in my volunteer experience. I hope to identify and explore how my experience with my family has been in relation to what I’ve been learning to class. I had never realized how complex the life of a refugee and the American system for aiding refugees could be until very recently.

            I would first like to introduce my family. They are from Bhutan but spent almost two decades in a refugee camp in Nepal. There are five members in the family: father, mother, and three daughters, aged seventeen, nine, and three. They arrived in the U.S. during the winter of 2012. The dad is currently working full time. The mom us unable to work and stays home with the youngest but does attend ELL classes once a week. The two oldest girls are enrolled in school and seem to be doing alright besides the difficulty with English.

            When my partner and I first went to meet them, I was a bit nervous, but their excitement in seeing us for the first time eased my anxiety. They saw us walking towards their door through their windows and opened the doors before we even got there. They waited for us to make the initial moves and speak first but once they saw how excited we were to meet them, they felt more comfortable and started telling us about themselves. The mom has the most difficulty with English but she was the most eager and enthusiastic of all of them. We had met them on a Sunday afternoon and from then on we’ve been visiting them on Sundays. We usually do homework with the two oldest girls and ELL with the mom, who is always keen to learn. We sometimes make Momo (traditional Bhutanese food) together and eat it with them afterwards. There have been times when the younger girls get tired of reading or writing English and that is when we just reverse the roles and have them teach us Nepali. We also recently celebrated the big Hindu holiday, Dashain, with them. All in all, the experience has been great and my Sundays have a whole new meaning now.

            My initial and major expectations prior to meeting my family were completely shattered. I had been so worked up about not being able to be of much help to them. Also I had worried that they might hold back from sharing their problems. I was genuinely surprised to see that week after week, they seem to be getting more and more comfortable with my partner and I and seem to be adopting our visits as regular parts of their lives. There is always homework to do and unclear letters to look at and explain. We usually end up running out of time because we have so many things we want to do.

            While with my family, everything seems to go well at the end. We always get through tough ELL sessions and difficult homework questions. We always manage to laugh about the smallest and most practical things. I did not know what to expect going into this experience but it’s been great so far. The bigger and upsetting surprise has come from what we’ve been learning and discussing in class, texts we’ve been reading, and films we’ve been watching.

            To start with Behnia’s article on befriending, some aspects of it were relatable. Behnia defines befriending programs as programs where “volunteers offer emotional, informational, and instrumental supports” (Behnia 3). That’s seems to be right on in our case, give or take some. She also includes that some organizations that hire volunteers noticed that “volunteers’ interest could wane when they did not feel needed, helpful, and appreciated.” (11). I can’t predict the future but as of now, I do feel needed and helpful towards my family. As for appreciation, I feel that I get more than I deserve. But there are a number of points in his journal where my volunteering experience and his findings cannot compare at all. For instance, once of the reason’s organizations have difficulty recruiting volunteers is that “befriending with refugees is often perceived as a daunting and time-consuming task.” (11). It makes sense for people to feel overwhelmed when thinking about being responsible for helping a refugee family integrate into American society. And, of course Americans never have “time.” But volunteering with my family has shown me the contrary. It is important to understand that a family’s only hope might be that one volunteer who sets aside their fears and is willing to help. As for the time aspect, it becomes insignificant, because time spent with the family is so enjoyable that three or four hours feels like thirty minutes.

            Another point that Behnia brings up is as follows, “the complexities of the cultural differences between refugees and volunteers as well as language barriers were reported to cause misunderstanding and to hinder relationship building.” (Behnia 12). In my experience so far, communication can be difficult sometimes but we all work together to figure out what we want to express and that results in more bonding between us.  As for culture, I feel that it’s been naturally integrated into our learning experience. Meaning, while learning English, we are teaching our families American culture, because we are using aspects of American culture as examples. And by being in our family’s home, we are learning about their culture. Cultural education seems natural on both sides and it has been an important part of our bonding experience so far.

            While still on the topic of culture, there is one thing about my family that might be common with most other refugee families. They seem to be afraid to go out and explore places involving people but want to go see places. For instance they were excited to when we told them we could go see downtown and the lakefront area one Sunday but when we told them about the Halloween Party at Loyola they weren’t up to it. I can understand their fear of maybe not being able to communicate well in English. But I think interacting with people is one of the best ways they’re going to learn about the American culture and most importantly the English language. Getting them out and interacting with people has become one of my goals for the rest of the semester with the family. On the other hand, they have adopted American attire just like the Kurdish sisters Mary Pipher befriended. They have also developed a liking for some American foods, especially the little ones.

            Something that I’ve found shocking is how limited the aid the refugees receive is. I think my family is doing alright compared to others. The father has got a full time job, for now at least, and the family is small enough that what he makes is adequate. They also live in a neighborhood, Rogers Park, where there are many people with whom they share cultural and linguistic backgrounds. I had initially thought that they will get by fine but that’s not always the case. For example, the young Sudanese men, from the film The Lost Boys of Sudan, also lived with other Sudanese men like them and they had jobs. They did not have families living with them to support but even they were having a difficult time getting by. It doesn’t matter whether you have people of similar backgrounds near you to help you; life is still going to be a challenge during those first several years.

            Thanks to my experience so far I conclude that befriending is crucial. I understand that organizations like Catholic Charities could be short on money and not be able to hire people to do what needs to be done. But I think recruiting more volunteers to befriend families for long periods of time could greatly benefit everyone. It’s also important to understand that the befrienders don’t have to fit a certain profile. They don’t have to be the typical white, Christian, middle-aged, and middle to upper class American (as was the case in DeLuca’s article on Sudanese refugees and humanitarianism). We have to realize that the majority of the citizens of America don’t fit that profile. Many have said, again and again, that the U.S. is a nation of immigrants. Therefore, anyone should be able to befriend refugees.

            Over the course of two months, I have been able to see a lot of what we learned in class and the texts we’ve read so far come into play in my befriending work with my family.  A lot of what I found out about refugees’ situations in America is surprising and even frustrating. I hope that many more students all Loyola will take this course and understand the need there is out there. The reason being, I feel it is our responsibility to aid the refugees in establishing their lives in America with their sense of dignity intact and with great confidence and assurance that they can call this land their new home.

Reflection on Befriending Bhutanese Refugees

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After volunteering with my beloved Bhutanese refugee family for the past few months, it is clear that befriending programs provide a vital service for the refugee population.  While I have experienced a single family’s appreciation of befriending, Behnia’s article elaborates on the point.  He writes, “research indicates that the presence of supportive resources such as family members, friends, ethnic community and adequate formal services can assist refugees in dealing with resettlement-related challenges” (2008).  The combination of coursework, lectures, and the experiential learning of befriending has provided me with valuable insights and a rather holistic look at refugee life in Chicago.

In my first reflection, I made a few predictions about this experience, some of which have come to fruition.  I wrote that I hoped to inspire others to help those in need, but my intended audience is different than I had expected.  It was the mother in my refugee family who is inspired to help her niece when she comes over to the US from Nepal.  Because she feels bad accepting help from my partner Katie and I and not being able to do the same for us in return, we discussed how it is a cycle of people helping one another.  She seemed to agree that she needs help now, but once they are financially stable and self-sufficient, she can begin to help her niece and other newcomers in the refugee community.  In my first reflection, I wrote, “I hope this experience will open my eyes in ways that I cannot begin to imagine at the present” (2010).  There have been minor instances throughout our volunteering that reminded me of this line, but none so much as at the Halloween party with the little girl and the lollipop.  After returning from trick-or-treating at Dumbach with one of the four little girls in my refugee family, we started playing a simple rendition of “horse-shoe” in the game section.  Patiently waiting for her turn, the petite, smiling 9-year-old attempted to open her Blow Pop.  When she finally freed it from the wrapper, she looked puzzled at the candy, stuck it in her mouth, and clamped her teeth down to pull it from the stick.  She did not know how to eat a lollipop—I had to show her how.  This blew my mind—never did I think that I would have to teach a young child how to eat a lollipop.  This demonstrated not only the cultural differences in something as permissible as candy, but also the deepness of their suffering and deprivation of little pleasures.  This experience really struck me as yet another example of how much we take for granted.

Although the befriending process is very valuable, there are definite limitations within the service.  DeLuca (2008) and Behnia’s (2008) articles enlightened me to the demographics of the volunteer population.  For the most part, Katie and I fall into the overwhelming majority demographic of volunteers: white, middle-class, educated women.  This manifests one of the limitations of refugee befriending: a limited perspective of volunteers.  Though I do not intend to homogenize the dominant group of volunteers as a singular thinking and acting population, a more diverse population could perhaps provide different insights and connect with refugees on different levels.  After reading this, I am reminded to revaluate my perspective from time to time and get other opinions on how to best help my refugee family.  Another such limitation—the more obvious one—is the financial constrain of the agencies to deliver services.  Both Marie in her lecture and Behnia in his article discussed agencies that funding continues to decrease with the state of the economy, and the shift from publically funded to privately funded aid.  Marie explained their newfound need for a Burmese translator after letting one go recently because Catholic Charities could not afford to pay him/her.  This, accompanied with the US government’s outrageous expectations for almost immediate self-sufficiency, make it difficult for the agencies to provide all the services refugees need.  My refugee family recently began to understand this phenomenon, too, as they expressed a degree of frustration at the agency and their situation as they struggle to find jobs and learn English.

One critique I have of the befriending program is the use of the term “clients.”  Behnia, Steimel, and workers from Catholic Charities predominantly invoke this term throughout their befriending discourses.  Over time, I have come to reject its use; “client” seems to convey a very professional, detached tone about the relationship between the two parties.    I feel a close bond with them and do not feel comfortable calling them my clients.  Although I am technically providing a service to them, they are equally educating me about their culture, hardships and personalities. Calling them “clients” reduces or eliminates their role in our reciprocal relationship.  My personal friends are not my clients, and although it is obviously a different friendship dynamic, by name that is what we are doing: befriending.  However, this may reflect my personality trait of caring too much and getting emotionally attached.  Perhaps I have not been as strict as I should have setting boundaries with my refugee family, but I do not think the family has asked much of us at all, and if I had been rigid in handling their situation, my experience would not be as rich as it is.  I am certain Katie feels the same way.

Steimel’s article strongly connected to my group project and the depiction of refugees in the media.  As a befriender and an anthropology student, I want to make sure that we depict our refugee families in the most sensitive and accurate light.  Steimel writes, “through linguistic and visual style, presentation and format and their rhetoric for specific audiences and topics, they ‘make the news meaningful’” (2010).  This is something we need to bear in mind in the coming weeks as we compile different aspects of the refugee culture so as not to do them a virtual disservice.  Our first entry is a photo slideshow from the Halloween party, which should not fall into the carved out categories of refugee storytelling by mass media.  During one visit, we looked at an educational book about and the mother pointed at the images and opened up about life in the camp.  While Steimel is critical of the repeated types of stories told about refugees, the mother could relate to those characteristic images, proving that there is truth to the depiction of the refugee’s plight.

In class, we discussed the four different phases of culture shock: honeymoon, disenchantment, adjustment, and normality.  Since our family arrived in late July and we started working with them in early September, we have seen a progression from the first two phases.  In the beginning, the family was more carefree, and seemed to spend more time sitting and learning with us.  As time went on, the parents have been out more often during our visits, and the mother in particular has had limited time to spend with us.  In the last two weeks, the mother has expressed to us her frustration at learning English and how Americans cannot understand her, how limited her financial resources are, and how lonely she feels living with all of her husbands relatives nearby and hers back in the camps.  The mother has moved the most drastically from the honeymoon to disenchantment phase, and each time she feels down, we try to reassure her and compliment her on her English (she serves as translator for the rest of the family).  We hope that our reassurance sinks in and she can move into the adjustment phase soon.

This experience has made a great impact on me and I plan, at this point, to continue on as a befriender and keep in contact with my current refugee family beyond the semester.  I am even looking into the JRM/JRS internships upon graduation.  Like I said in my first reflection, money can only go so far; what really matters is the time we invest helping others.  The experience has been rewarding and I would encourage anyone with a heart to give it a try.

Anticipation

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After receiving some very basic information on my new refugee family, a million thoughts, hopes, and fears are racing through my mind. Insecurities surface, and courage bats them down. Disastrous scenarios play themselves out in my head, and reason dismisses them as folly. The one fact I cannot seem to ignore is that I am just some naïve, uncultured, American white girl who has never known torment or suffering like theirs. What can I hope to contribute to their lives? How can I understand what they are going through?

Loyola is a perfect and convenient place to do service work. There are multitudes of clubs and organizations students can join and events they can attend to contribute their help where it is needed. However, I cannot recall a day of service I have given to the community since Welcome Week of my freshman year, when we spent a Saturday morning picking up trash around Edgewater. This was not my original plan; in high school I loved any sort of service work I came across. Often I served in shelters, soup kitchens, and Catholic Worker houses with my church’s youth group, and I strived to continue those visits in college. Somehow this ideal plan has been swept to the side, making room for classes, work, sleep, friends, even television. I chose to take this class partly because it would force me to get out of the habit of this self-absorption for the sake of, quite ironically, my own GPA.

In no way was the decision to enroll in Refugee Resettlement one that I forced upon myself. When I understood what the class was about, I immediately wanted to take it. I have missed the sense of community, the general fullness and meaning that service gives to everyday life. I hope to feel again the brotherhood and fellowship that results from sharing in our humanity with someone who leads a very different life from my own. Now that I have devoted two of my college years to my personal ambition and growth, it is high time that I try to give back to the world by whatever humble means that I can. This class seems an ample opportunity to do just that.

The question is, what can I contribute? Author Mary Pipher, in The Middle of Everywhere, claims that just being a friendly contact who knows the local culture is enough. However, I hardly know any resources that refugee families might be in need of, such as nearby clinics or hospitals or where they can find legal help. I don’t own a car to help with transportation. The only information I have about their home country of Bhutan is what Wikipedia tells me. I don’t even know if I will be able to communicate with them—I certainly don’t know any Dzongkha or Nepali. I feel quite useless.

I have not yet met with my family and already I wish that there was more that I could do for them. I want to be able to help with the everyday matters as well as empathize with what they have gone through and what they are still going through. I want to support them in any way possible, and yet at the same time I know that I am limited.

I know that there will be awkwardness, confusion, and hesitation as our two cultures meet, but I hope also that there will be gratitude and rejoicing as we each learn more about the other. I suppose in a way these meetings will be a sort of mock-anthropological study, and I predict that this class will end up being the one that I learn from the most this semester, both ideologically and practically.

Pre-Introduction Jitters

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As I sit down to write this paper my thoughts and feelings are so scattered and mixed that I cannot imagine the final copy having any sort of structure when it is said and done. The thought of this makes me laugh, but sometimes laughter is all you have left. I am just getting back to my apartment at nearly midnight after spending the entire weekend back at home. My weekend consisted of plenty of arguments and tears as I continue to battle with my family over my recent wedding engagement. I cannot help but think to myself—I do not even have my own life in order, how the hell can I possibly be accountable for eight more individuals, all with problems bound to make mine look minuscule? Where do I even begin?

As I expressed these concerns to my mom she told me, “There is no such thing as loving too much.” She knows I am very selective when I choose my relationships, and that that is because when it comes to my friends and family I would go to the end of the earth for them. I am the kind of person that when I open up my heart and my life, I put it all on the table. I hold nothing back. I expect my relationship with my refugee family to be as such once I get to know them. That is the one thing that worries me the most. You can never love too many people or love them too much. The limiting factors in life are not the amount of love you can share, but the amount of time and energy you have to give. Time and energy are finite resources, whereas love is infinite. Sometimes, when love is great, it also brings heartache when there are not enough hours in the day to accomplish everything you wish you could.

Plainly, I am scared of burning out; not with my refugee family, but with myself. I am afraid of making continual sacrifices due to loving them so much and I am afraid of the toll it is going to take on me by the end of the semester, purely in the aspects of time and energy. When I volunteered four hours a week at the University of Chicago Medical Center on the oncology ward I absolutely loved it. But it was physically and emotionally draining and after ten months I just could not do it anymore. I met so many beautiful people who changed my life in so many beautiful ways, but opening up to individuals like that and getting to know them intimately, bearing their burdens alongside them, takes a toll on you.

That is the biggest issue, but I am also concerned with the smaller things. Will my Congolese family speak French or a tribal dialect? A friend of mine is a French minor and could assist me some but it they speak another language things will be tough. How do they greet people in their country? Just how horribly have they been scarred by the travesties that have consumed the Congo for the past twenty years? It has even crossed my mind if seeing my engagement ring will upset them. I know the Democratic Republic of Congo has thirty percent of the world’s diamond resources, which is undoubtedly one of the reasons the bordering countries have invaded their country. And more so, are they even from the Democratic Republic of Congo or the Republic of Congo? Will they be offended if I confuse the two places? How are the two culturally different present day?

On the other end of the spectrum, pessimistic worries aside, I am also greatly looking forward to this project. When I opened my email and read what family I had been assigned the biggest smile came across my face. I was overjoyed with anticipation. I really am looking forward to changing their lives and allowing them, inadvertently, to change mine. We each have so much to learn from each other and those lessons in life are priceless. My greatest strength lies in my ability to sit down with people and connect with them—to listen and to speak. Maybe that is because I am an open person. Maybe it is because I think that this world is so cruel and that life is too short that I am not afraid to bear my all in order to find what is underneath and in the hearts of the people I connect with when I volunteer. I am not concerned with fashion or media or superficial matters. It is the big questions in life that I like to talk with people about. Maybe deep down I am a bit of a philosopher.

Philosopher or otherwise, I have never been afraid to love while expecting little in return. I believe it is because of that that I am always so moved and overwhelmed and overjoyed at what I find lying beneath the exterior of the people I meet. God has given me a great gift that I cannot quite put my finger on, whether it be a trusting face or an understanding smile I am not sure, but I have never felt such a purpose within me as when I was talking weekly with cancer patients. I could see that I was making a difference. I could feel it. And I have never been more honored than to be included in the lives of those people. Perhaps cancer patients and refugees are not all that different—every day is a struggle, a fight for your very life. And sometimes the only thing that can get you through until tomorrow is a little bit of hope, and when all else fails, a little bit of laughter. Like love, these two resources are endless and their power immeasurable.

PAL: Reflection 1

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Hi there! I’m Pauline, a Sociology/Anthropology senior. I first heard about this Refugee Resettlement class as a freshman and enrolled because I have volunteering experience with refugee families and want to connect with peers who have similar experiences. Also, this class counts towards my major.

This past summer, I interned at a local non-profit, teaching English as a Second Language to refugee adults and providing administrative tasks for the Job Development department. Prior to that, my interest with refugee resettlement began as a newly minted freshman. I knew virtually nothing about refugees (the first time I heard the word, I had to google it), but via Loyola Refugee Outreach, I signed up to be an in-home “cultural broker” and began weekly meetings with the G* family. A vivacious family with three kids, the family often had many Nepalese refugee friends over, so the family always appeared bigger than a quintet. Their home regularly had a festival-like atmosphere to it, with the amount of people over and the amount of food and drink we were given. During my visits, I tutored the 12 year old son with math and English, helped the mom with ESL homework, watched Hindi movies and talked with the family about my student life, their life in Nepal, and their current life readjusting to Chicago.

Being a life-long suburbanite newly transplanted to the city, the Gs’ warm hospitality provided a home away from home. Their Rogers Park abode was a few minutes’ walk from the Lake Shore Campus, and they always welcomed me with a “Namaste!” greeting: two palms pressed together and a slight bow. Also, it is Nepalese custom that guests are provided a hearty meal, regardless of whether he or she is hungry, so I learned to visit during dinner time. I continued to visit them throughout my freshman year, and sporadically after that. Today, I do not visit as much as I’d like, but we chat online and through phone calls. Also, the two oldest children (who are around my age) are married!

I returned to Loyola Refugee Outreach last spring after dabbling in other forms of community service and a semester abroad. I met with the R*, a Nepalese family with three sons. They also had many friends and families always visiting. The youngest son, 7 year old M*, needed assistance in reading, writing and math, so I spent the most time with him. Sometimes we played games, counted, and sang to make his homework a little more fun. M has certainly progressed, but needs continuous tutoring to remain at his current learning pace. I also became close to the mom, who fed me a lot of spicy food (sometimes by hand!). At the end of this summer, the R family called me with bitter-sweet news: they were moving to another state to be with family who is more established. Though they are many miles away, I keep in touch with the R family the same way I do with the G family, thanks to modern technology.

All of these volunteering experiences not only built up my tolerance for spicy cuisine, but taught me that people from vastly different worlds and language barriers can find ways to communicate and connect. The G family and R family embody resilience: their past hardships do not hinder any hope for the future nor hold them back from enjoying the present. I also learned to value interpersonal relationships much more. Seeing the frequent amount of friends and family at their homes allowed me to witness the power of the collective. Their community of friends and family provides a network of support, essential to coping and managing stressors in life.

As Mary Pipher states, it is important for refugees to be resettled near other refugees from the same culture, so that they can establish this social network and mingle with people who hold similar cultural values. Having familiarity in close proximity will make the resettlement process more welcoming and less isolating.

Our role as cultural brokers is also to welcome and be a friend outside of the diaspora. We provide information to refugee families about their new land, along with knowledge of the dominant culture and language. We aren’t seeking to assimilate them. Rather, we aim to bridge the gap in culture and language. By developing these connections, we aim to make living in America less of a mystery.

Additionally, I grew up with first generation immigrant friends and family, and recall struggles while making the U.S. home. It is a bumpy, crazy journey, and the role of a cultural broker is priceless friendship.

My goal for this class is to continue reading more formal literature about refugees and refugee resettlement. While my volunteering thus far has provided multi-dimensional learning that can’t be derived from a book, the class readings and guest lectures provide knowledge on resettlement policies, cultural competency and refugee history that I wouldn’t be learning on my own. I look forward to gaining more relevant information in the coming weeks and befriending another family!

*Names changed to protect privacy.

Hopeful Expectations

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Although I have imagined several families and scenarios, I especially hope to connect with my refugee family and aid them in fostering a positive perception of their new environment. I expect to engage in an open dialogue with my family, should they be willing to doing so, and encourage them to ask me questions about American systems and culture. The outcome of these expectations depends largely on my family’s history and attitude, which I intend to be conscious of while spending time with them. In addition to their learning, I expect foremost to gain incredible knowledge from my family about their culture and experiences for me to utilize during class discussion and throughout my own life.

Based upon the needs of the family, my role as their friend may include varied functions. Perhaps being their friend, I will also serve as a babysitter, therapist, or tutor, helping them with whatever task wants to be accomplished. The family’s comfort with English and our society will drive our interactions and how they will talk to me, whether embracing or shying away from discussions. From my experiences ESL tutoring, most students are enthusiastic to learn English to become acclimated to their new home and ask questions about my life. While I share of my life in America, the student usually discusses their experiences and misfortunes openly.

Not all of my ESL students are refugees; however, many carry wretched stories of their sacrifices and hardships to come and stay in America. One woman I tutored came from Mexico, constantly smiling but usually plagued with a distressing situation at home or work. With her husband sick in the hospital and unable to converse easily at work with minor English proficiency, my student usually shared her woeful stories at our meetings, to which I listened with a friendly ear. My expectation for changing duties as a friend and cultural broker to my refugee family derives from this experience. Pipher acknowledges this alteration in responsibility while discussing her Kurdish family, who she taught to drive, invited to family gatherings, and helped enroll in school. Her expectations might not have been to partake in any of those events; however, Pipher’s willingness to assist her family allowed for unity with the women.

During these sessions, emotional strain and discouragement are possible obstacles I may face during my experience. Listening to the injustices brought upon the family prove to be difficult to absorb and will stay embedded in my mind outside of our meetings. The knowledge gained through these meetings, although potentially saddening, will allow me to grow emotionally and educate me of the differences in cultures and countries. It can also be discouraging if the connection or communication between my family and me are not easily attained. When tutoring someone, it can feel as though you have failed them when they are unable to understand your logic or examples; however, becoming discouraged does not help anyone’s progress. As Pipher mentions, it is important to rephrase questions and be in good humor about misunderstandings.

Much like Pipher’s environment in Nebraska, my life has been incredibly fortunate growing up with wonderful parents and friends in a safe neighborhood. I find it important that I am able to understand and witness situations that are not as lucky as my own, simply because millions of people are instead forced to compromise their happiness due to warfare or political struggles. To thoroughly grasp their grief, I want to work with them as opposed to only abstractly studying them. Refugee first-hand accounts will enable me to evolve and aid in my social connection with all people I will face through work, school, or my community. Although we usually focus on differences, the commonalities I may share with my refugee family will aid in connecting us.

Even though most people are aware of the horrors occurring in other countries, hearing first-hand accounts are powerful in creating transformative solutions in refugee resettlement. If war is to continue, citizens must perform alternative, nonviolent measures during this time of migration and displacement for a vast number of individuals. Programs aiding in refugee resettlement, as the Behnia article states, can greatly increase the mental health of the refugee and help them in gaining greater understanding of American culture. A tangible plan in working with refugees affects the entire community in which they live, making it extremely vital that people take action in befriending refugees while considering their past experiences and future opportunities.

Initial Thoughts, Concerns, and Goals

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Prior to enrolling in this class, I had only heard really amazing things. All of my fellow anthropology major friends who have taken this class have raved on and on about how this class helped them look at things in a different perspective and how it was an amazing service learning experience in their lives. So I enrolled, went to the first class, and all of these thoughts started racing through my mind; fears, concerns, and excitements were all that I could think of.

Reading the article by Behnam Behnia and the first chapters of the Mary Pipher’s book helped put things into perspective and show me that everything I was thinking, all of my initial questions and concerns, were one-hundred and fifty percent normal. I thought, “what if I have trouble communicating with this family?”, “what if I am unable to help them in a way I wish I could?”, “what if they expect something of me that I can not give them?”. So many “what if…”s were running through my mind and apparently these same questions were being asked by multiple other people who were about to embark on a similar journey.

This is my first service learning class at Loyola University, but I am glad that it is my first experience with anything like this because, according to the research that Behnam Behnia has done, this class seems to have taken all of the recommendations into account in order to minimize challenges and help motivate the befrienders. It is really important that the students are being educated about other people’s experiences and able to talk freely in class about what they and the families they have been paired up with are going through. This way if any problems arise, the students can get advice from their fellow classmates and figure out how to help the family by getting someone else’s take on the situation that could potentially come up.

One of my main, personal concerns before starting this study is that I might be overwhelmed by some of the traumatic life experiences that this family might have gone through. I am also concerned about the cultural differences and potential language barriers. The appendix one of Mary Pipher’s book made me feel a bit more at ease with “working with people for whom english is a new language”. She had many useful tips to keep in mind while meeting and interacting with the family. She suggested to not assume anything and to ask questions, which are definitely the two more important rules because I would feel awful if I misinterpreted something on accident, which I realize might be inevitable.

I really enjoyed reading the first chapters of Mary Pipher’s book because I realize that she and I don’t come from super different back grounds, though I have lived my entire life in the Chicagoland area, not Nebraska. I grew up in an area of a bit more diversity, but I have seen it change over time. She and I share a lot of the same initial concerns. I am really looking forward to learning about this family’s culture and background, learning about where they came from and what they hope to do with their new lives in America. I felt a lot of the jitters I had initially go away after reading these chapters because I realize that I am not alone with these reactions.

I hope that I can help make a difference in the lives of this family and learn a bit about myself in the process as well. I understand that it might be hard at first, and that I might not have anything in common with them, but I hope to befriend them over time and create strong ties with them. I really look forward to this new challenge and journey.

Anticipation and Excitement: A (P)Reflection on Befriending Refugees

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“How can I help you?” Working in the service industry, I use this phrase and variations of it countless times a day. It has grown to an almost automatic, programmed greeting and has lost its value because of that. What I want from this class and this experience is to bring back meaning to helping people. There is a huge difference between helping someone buy a pastry and helping a family of refugees integrate and settle into a new culture—my culture. I hope that embarking on this journey with a family in need will improve their quality of life, and that I will grow to be better person for the experience.

In her book, The Middle of Everywhere, Mary Pipher begs the question, “What is particular in the human experience and what is universal?” (2002). I expect this experience to help me first-hand unpack this question. Although my struggles will seem small compared to those my refugee family, I have gained valuable insight and understanding growing up in a family that had to make sacrifices to make end’s meet. While it was hard at the time, I now take pride in coming from a blue-collar, working class family, and consider it an important piece of my identity. I hope that my upbringing and perspective will aid me in relating to and understanding my refugee family, and establish a common ground between us.

I was thrilled to find out our family has four children under 11 years old; I love working and playing with young children. As the first-born in my family, I helped raise my three younger siblings. Being my mom’s second-in-command with my siblings taught me how to be patient, calm, and responsible—skills that should prove to be key in this experience. My maternal nature may also help me relate to the mother in our family and enable me to create a rapport with her. It will be interesting to see how refugee status manifests itself in a small child, and how it affects their view of the world. I hope to form strong bonds with them and help them cope with their struggles at such a young age, along with their parents, of course. I hope we can do some arts and crafts projects so they can explore their creativity. Speaking of creativity, Katie and I are both musicians, so maybe we could use that as an enriching activity. Perhaps they are musical, too, and then we could unite through music.

In high school, I tutored during my study hall period in writing center and a general academic assistance center. While I have experience tutoring, which I assume my family will need help with, I have no experience teaching English as a second language. The most unsettling aspect about this process is the language barrier that Katie and I will need to somehow break down. I am so eager to listen to my family’s stories, whether they are heartbreaking or sidesplitting, but we will need to be creative communicators.

I hope to lessen my refugee family’s fears, and help them enjoy living in Chicago to the best of their ability. When discussing the integration of her Pakistani refugees, Pipher writes, “I wanted to make sure they learned about the good things in our city” (2002). Since age five, it had been a dream of mine to live in this city. I was drawn to Chicago for a number of factors, some of which have proved to be very different than I had imagined, but it is great place despite its flaws. Though my refugee family has come here under extremely different circumstances, one of my goals is to show them that Chicago can be a wonderful place to call home. I hope to do so by taking them to free museum days, walking around neighborhoods and along the lakefront, and myriad other inexpensive, fun outings.

I also hope that after working with my refugee family, I will want to share my experience with others—friends, family, or complete strangers—and inspire them to actively help others in need. While donation organizations are important, money and food can only go so far; investing time in a person’s life that needs help is probably more valuable than what I could ever contribute financially.

This will also put my cultural relativism to the test. It is easy to accept different cultures when they are meticulously explained and unpacked in an ethnography, but it is another thing to take part in it. Similarly, Pipher writes, “Refugees have taught me about contrasts. How do I see the world versus how do they see the world? What are my assumptions? What are theirs?” (2002). I hope this experience will open my eyes in ways that I cannot begin to imagine at the present. Pipher describes a scenario where she is discussing the 2000 presidential election and senses uneasiness in her listeners. Only when one sister asked if she would be killed if George Bush wins the election did she understand their apprehension. Instances like these really reveal the deep wounds of being a refugee and growing up in repressive regimes. These lessons may prove the be the most educational and revealing ones I can hope to learn. While I have a strict set of values and ethics in place for myself, I hope that my cultural anthropology courses will help me relate to my family despite our differences. This experience, hopefully, will allow me to put to use all the skills I’ve learned thus far in anthropology—really helping real people.

Reflection One

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I enrolled in the Refugee and Resettlement class not just to fulfill my anthropology major, but also to explore a deep interest I have for social justice and human rights. Since attending a Jesuit high school, I learned to love, serve and respect others as myself. I came to appreciate and understand others around me and care about my community. Since attending Loyola, I knew I wanted to serve others and work towards living a life for the greater glory of God. Human rights and social justice were what caught my attention and made the most sense in terms of leading and living a fulfilling life. As I begin this class and personal journey towards learning about and working with refugees, I feel both anxious and eager. Although I have no prior experience interacting with refugees, I hope to assist them properly in adjusting to their new lives in Chicago. Not only do I expect to teach others a new language and an entirely different culture, I also expect to learn from the refugee family as well.
Beginning this journey, I feel eager to get my feet wet and gain experience interacting with and learning from my refugee family. I want to hear their stories and try to understand their points of views on politics, family and their experiences thus far in the United States. I want to understand on a deeper, more personal level the life of a refugee. I want to know what it means to resettle in a completely new country, far from a comfortable life. I also feel a bit anxious because I have yet to come in contact with refugees. Since enrolling in the class, I worry I might not be able to communicate effectively or that I will not know what to do once I meet them. Will they like me? What will they think of how I look, dress, talk or act? Will I accidentally offend them in anyway? I realize that these questions feel a bit selfish because I’m worried about myself rather than focusing on the relationship I hope to build with my refugee family and the beauty that may prosper from it. This is exactly what I hope to change over a period of time as I learn more from my family and from this class. I want to focus on others before myself and understand what I can and cannot change. I want to learn more about myself when facing challenging or foreign experiences but also to put myself in other people’s shoes. Although I am aware of the Jesuit teachings and mission, I want to embody those traits to my fullest potential. I want those traditions and morals to become like second nature rather than having to actively think and remind myself of what it means to live the Jesuit teachings.
I occasionally wonder what my purpose will be while working with my Bhutanese family. Is my service more for myself or for the family I will be working with? Before I embark on some type of community service, I always wonder if I am serving the community or doing service for my own satisfaction. While reading Mary Pipher’s chapters in her book, The Middle of Everywhere, I came across some of the similar anxieties I am currently facing. She mentions some of the concerns volunteers face and how she herself dealt with some of these issues. Not all Americans treat refugees with respect as some are faced with prejudices for their brown skin or thick accents. When individuals experienced an act of kindness from Mary or other Americans, they would respond with immense gratitude. Looking back, she realizes that each experience was a learning experience and how even she was surprised by what she learned from refugees. She saw how many were extremely intelligent, diligent and optimistic. Families forced her to realize that her life in the United States appeared to be a luxury compared the experiences they faced fleeing their homelands. She mentions that while some Americans may complain to their therapists about intrusive family members, there are refugees working three jobs to raise enough money to bring their relatives to the U.S.
I wish to see life from a different perspective and appreciate the life I was given in the United States. I want to learn from the refugee family as much as they will learn from my partner and me. I take my life and everything I’ve been given for granted, something I often feel ashamed about. I hope to form beautiful friendships and gain a meaningful experience that will bring about change within myself so that I may share it with others. Although I lack hands on experience with refugees, I hope this lack of insight helps me to better comprehend and appreciate this experience I’ve been given.

Welcome to a new life

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The big crowd at O’Hare airport made me feel little and unimportant. Coming from a small country such as Albania, I had never seen so many people in such a enormous building. These were my first steps in a big and unfamiliar world, and suddenly I felt lost and directionless. These feelings persisted during the first year of my immigrant life, as I was trying to learn English, succeed academically, work and deal with all the bureaucratic agenda that a new immigrant needs to handle in the USA.  Everyday, I was learning something new, and often I did not know how to behave or where to ask for help. Not having the guide of a cultural broker during this transition, I had to discover myself how this new culture and society functioned.

I was only seventeen when I first came to the USA, but during the process of integration I matured fast. Now, after four years from that very first day when I stepped on the American land, I have managed to fully integrate and understand the American culture, preserving the uniqueness and values of my Albanian roots. The experience of immigration deeply transformed me, compelling me to help other people in order to alleviate the cultural shock present during the transition period in a new land.

Soon, I got involved with Refugee One, and I started tutoring an Afghan refugee in Math and English, assisting her with the preparation for her GED test. While I was helping her, I was discovering everyday the power of a friend, a warm face, a nice word and a guide in a world that sometimes can feel very lonely. My time with her makes me appreciate my work even more, because I am helping a human being, and I feel that the gratitude and the connection that we have created are sincere and enduring.

Even though I did not come to this country as a refugee, I can identify myself with the refugee experience. As many of them, I survived a war, the Albanian Civil war in 1997, and I have feared and run for my life. I have felt little, unimportant and lost, just a shadow in a cold world.  As many of them I have experienced the hardships of a new life in a new country so different from my native country. However, I have managed to integrate and continue my college education pursuing my goal of becoming a doctor. Many refugees do not have this opportunity because the lack of previous education, the language barriers and the family responsibilities make it impossible. They need help, kindness and support. I am committed to help and give as much as I can, because I want to facilitate the transition process for some of them, making the integration to this new culture easier and more pleasant.  I wish my story can set an example and give hope to struggling refugees searching to rebuild their lives in a new country.

Despite having worked with refugees before, I have not worked with any who does not speak basic English. The Afghan refugee I am currently tutoring speaks decent English, and we can easily understand each other. I feel nervous about the possibility that soon I have to communicate with a refugee who does not speak English.   I am worried about the misunderstandings that can arise from this situation, and for the clarity of my explanations. Furthermore, I deeply respect and value the cultural diversity that refugees bring to the multinational America, but sometimes incidents arising from the kindest intents can be inevitable, as a question that can seem innocent in the American culture can be offensive for another culture.  I hope that my interaction with the refugee family I will be working this semester would be incident-less.

The work that I have done with Refugee One, has made me a better person, as I witness the suffering that many refugees have gone through. I admire the force of will, their mental and emotional strength to go on. Listening to their stories, and feeling that I am playing an important role in their new life has enriched and ennobled my soul, and I have learned to deeply appreciate what truly matters in life,: the people and the love that gives meaning to it. I am excited to start my work for this semester, as I am eager to discover other beautiful souls with an amazing story, which I can help overcoming the cultural barriers, while they are rebuilding a new life in the USA.

Beginning Another Semester of Service-Learning Reflections

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In Fall 2012, another 31 students began a semester of providing direct assistance to the refugees resettled in Chicago and doing scholarly readings, discussions, and research on the refugee experience. Our work includes reflections aimed at understanding service and social justice in this context. The core of this program is based on civic based experiential learning that requires community engagement with some of the most victimized and marginalized peoples of the world.

Maintaining appropriate privacy is important to us and the students are instructed to use actual names of the clients or their agencies and to not post any individually identifiable photographs of these community partners without their permission. Public comments are welcomed but those by anonymous hate-mongers, trolls, ad-spammers, and other internet demons will not be tolerated.

Since January 2009, our efforts have resulted in about $140,000 of in-kind donations in support of refugees and refugee resettlement agencies. The bulk of those contributions are in the form of thousands of service hours assisting English language learning and cultural adjustment of refugees in our immediate neighborhood, but our efforts have gone far beyond this core foundation to include research into non-profit management and interdisciplinary studies on forced migration and the refugee experience. A former student who studied journalism put together a nice video which illustrates some of our work.

watch?v=0EfOcbE6qQE&list=UUV_bCqOsGhLIh0G4nleruNg&index=8&feature=plcp