At this point in the semester, visiting our refugee family has become an important part of my week. It is something I look forward to and the time flies during our visits. The Burmese family is composed of a mother, father, and five children including two girls in high school, a boy in fifth grade, one in third grade, and the smallest we call “Little Brother.” Although I know our peer mentor, my partner, and I are helping the family by being their befrienders, I feel a great sense of gratitude for the family and their acts of kindness toward us.
My first visit included only my peer mentor and me so I was introduced separately. I was so anxious not knowing what to expect, but the family was extremely nice. We sat in a circle and said our name and some facts about each of us. I found it interesting that one of the girls knew a Tagalog (Filipino) word that meant “older sister” and referred to me as such, “Ate,” pronounced as ah-teh. They also got my name quickly because they had a friend with the same name, which was a great icebreaker. It was surprising at how welcome I felt after a two-hour visit. I even stayed longer than planned since the mother needed help with the census since a representative was going to call to ask questions. This is an example of Mary Pipher’s explanation of how refugees must deal with many bureaucracies. After this other types of paperwork like answering questions about eyeglass prescription must be answered and can be very tedious. With some miscommunication, we find out that they already answered the questions over the phone even though we spent a while working on the questions. I spent most of my time helping the fifth grade boy with his science homework. Afraid of any language barrier and aware of our age difference I was wary about how I phrased explanations. I wanted to lead him to the right train of thought without giving away the answer easily. It is very helpful that my partner knows Thai and can communicate with the mother. Before this, I do not think our peer mentor and her previous partner were able to communicate with her as well since the children usually act as translators. The children are pretty fluent in English, but sometimes I talk to fast to them and forget to slow down and enunciate my words better.
One challenge being a befriender faces is the concept of time. “For newcomers from slow cultures time is a river that flows through their lives” (Pipher 73). An example of this is one time we were able to come on a weekday, but only my partner and I, and help one of the sisters go to CVS to get a money order to use for payment for driving school. After our journey to the store, we return to their home and help with some homework. We tell them we cannot stay as long as we usually do and give them the time we must go, which seems short not considering the time spent going to the store. The third grade girl calmly comments, “At least we get an hour with you.” She seemed very appreciative of this one hour we spent together. I felt a pang of guilt for having to go, but I could not give all my time because I still had a meeting to go to and homework to do. In this instance I remember about learning about the different concept of time for Americans. I do not want to be a slave to clock but I also want to teach the family about planning out your day effectively.
Another important point I have learned from my experience with refugees is we often take our housing necessities for granted. I appreciate the bed I sleep on and the room I share with only one other person. The desk I have to myself becomes more valuable to me after helping the children with homework. There is only carpet in the living room and no couches. There is a single table in the room that has the computer and other items on it. The kitchen is adjacent to this room and there is a dining table in the corner that does not fully seat the family (I know this because after spending an afternoon with the family, they invite us to eat with them but it is only us three befrienders who sit a the table with room for two kids in the spaces between us). The family never complains about the set up and I do not mind sitting on the floor doing homework or eating snacks. However, I think it would be better if they had a place with more than one bedroom since the kids are growing up and getting bigger, it’s difficult to be comfortable in a small bedroom to sleep. One of the kids said she sleeps very early since her dad gets up early to work. I admire the unity with the family demonstrated in their interaction with each other. They always have Burmese coffee for us and sometimes give us croissant rolls that deliciously go with the warm beverage. The mom or one of the kids gives us our cup with a huge smile on their face and I cannot help but smile as well. On my first visit I was touched that they gifted me a large container of instant mixes of cereal drink similar to the coffee. The new family I have befriended has quickly become my family away from home.
Another challenge is finding a consistent day to visit since it is difficult synchronizing free blocks in three schedules and making sure the family’s needs are met. Our visits seem to be timed well when we do go. They also go to church, which is a great community builder. All three of us have a busy schedule and the high school girls have activities to do like choir or tutoring. The youngest girl is always eager to have us over and expresses so much excitement when we say we are coming over soon. Helping the mother improve her English and be confident when she speaks is one of our personal goals. This is necessary for her to get a job and think about a brighter future, because recently she expressed how it is difficult not having great English after her being here as long as she has. Refugees need the encouragement and guidance to keep going. With our numerous visits, I have begun to get closer and started to know each family member a little better. Recently I talked to the father for the first time after several weeks of visit; it was a big difference from before when he did not acknowledge our presence when we came to visit. I just said thank you and he responded thank you back with a smile as I was leaving this previous Saturday by myself since I stayed to help with a long homework assignment. Times may be tough but this family shows optimism for a better future and needs to continuously be positively reinforced that “Yes, you can do it.”
In the beginning I was so focused on how I could help the refugee family in many aspects of life that I was not able to reflect on how they would change how I view everything. I am more aware of my surroundings and the life of an important group of people in the world’s society. I tell as many people as I can about this incredible opportunity of service and how they can help and spread awareness. Like our guest speakers have expressed, education is one of the most important steps in helping the refugee experience.