On our first visit, my partner and I were invited to P’s 10th birthday, which was going to be held that Sunday. Of course we accepted. Notwithstanding the fact that P got very excited that we would come, I was curious to see what her birthday party would actually be like. I was slightly hesitant to ask too much about the party, for fear of projecting certain American ‘expectations’ of what a birthday party is and potentially confusing her. Would she blow out candles on a cake, for instance? Would she have other playmates there, people around her own age? Would she receive any gifts? These, of course, are part of my own birthday party memories from when I was younger. Even though P and her family have been in the U.S. for over a year, I wondered just how ‘Americanized’ her birthday party would be. Likewise, I had no knowledge of any Bhutanese/Nepali or Hindu traditions that might come into play. Much like our very first to their home, I had no idea what to expect when we arrived on Sunday.

Though I did buy her a Hello Kitty coloring book as a small gift, considering her love of coloring, and my partner bought a colorful Disney princess birthday card, which we both signed. When we gave the gifts to her, P seemed a little shy but happy with the attention, like before. She only had time for a few colored pictures before the party started to get under way – and very quickly Rachel and I found ourselves in a densely packed, energetic, very loud apartment. People just kept coming and coming, relatives, neighbors, other Loyola students from the Refugee Resettlement class, P’s tutor and her tutor’s parents, so many people that I wondered how the space wouldn’t burst!

It was amazing, to say the least, seeing so many people together, Americans and Bhutanese, students, parents, uncles, children, friends, family. Everyone was talking and laughing, taking pictures and sharing pictures, eating Nepali food and birthday cake (she did have one, and it was chocolate and delicious). We all sang a rousing “Happy Birthday” at the same time P’s mom brushed a red rice mixture on her forehead, a traditional practice for birthdays, though its exact meaning I couldn’t exactly figure out. P’s American tutor, whose birthday was close to P’s, was also given this special treatment. Family members and friends each came up to add their own piece of the rice mixture to their foreheads amidst smiles and laughter. Once again, it astounded me how welcomed and included my partner and I were – as well as all the other American friends there. It genuinely felt like we were all being treated as a valuable part of this family, this community, and in some ways I felt like I hadn’t really done anything to deserve such kindness. How many Americans, I couldn’t help but wonder, would be willing to extend their arms and invite someone they had just met a week prior to something as personal as a birthday party in one’s own home? Their hospitality continues to amaze and humble me.

It was a friendly welcome, to say the least. P (a pseudonym), the youngest daughter of the Bhutanese family we were assigned, bounded to the apartment main door to greet us, all smiles and happiness. Some kind of relief washed over me (something like she’s happy we’re here, she wants us here), and instantly she started talking to us, leading us inside the apartment complex.

The very first thing I noticed when P brought us up to their apartment, when we walked through the door, were the three teenagers huddled around the family’s computer watching a video on YouTube. It was so unexpected, I couldn’t help but laugh to myself. In that brief second I almost forgot I was in a refugee family’s home, for the scene reminded me so much of my own friends back home. Notwithstanding the rather jarring moment, the apartment was warm. Warm not merely in the way it was a nice break from the chilly, drizzly, dreary weather outside, but warm in the sense that I just instantly felt like I had entered a warm space, a welcoming space. I think we both instantly felt that, in the short time it took for the mother to see us, smiling widely, greeting us with slightly broken English and instantly ushering us to sit on the living room couch. Almost immediately she offered us a sweet kind of coffee-tea hybrid drink, which I instantly fell in love with.

My partner and I stayed for a little over three hours, our time spent (in no chronological order) coloring, dancing, eating plenty of food which arrived in a series of waves, discussing Halloween, trick-or-treating (her eyes lit up more at the prospect of costumes than candy), Disney princesses (the preferred costumes), and what the word stupid meant (to which our partner and I explained it wasn’t such a nice thing to call someone), asking questions, drawing animals like peacocks and elephants, sharing our stories about such animals (elephants, I learned, could have pretty nasty tempers, but they were also scared of fire), and helping P with her division, which she had just been learning at school. And which, to both our slight amusement and pride, she didn’t really need help with at all. She had my partner and me stumbling over our own answers at some points. Earlier, she had showed us her most recent report card – straight A’s. We congratulated her profusely, genuinely impressed and happy that she was not only enjoying school, but was also doing so well. She seemed a little shy with the praise, but also pleased at the attention. My partner and I continued to encourage her to keep up the good work for the rest of our stay, and I teased that her math skills were far better than my own (to which I was only half-joking). All in all, our first visit was just genuinely a lot of fun – and filled with far too much to explain in words.

Since the last few times my partner and I visited our family we had taken them out for adventures, I decided that for today’s visit, we’d stay in for a family game day. I brought the game “Spot-It” over and the whole family and I played about 4 rounds. As usual, the eldest sister was very enthusiastic and always won, but I was most happy that the mom and dad also got into the game.

In addition to playing today, I caught up on the family’s news. The mom has been to the doctor a few times, and I found out today that a doctor from Uptown Clinic comes everyday to make sure she takes her 11 pills! 11! I was told that if her condition (it seems to be something to do with her heart and lungs) improves, in a few months, she will decrease to 6 pills a day. I hope she can get her condition under control- as we learned from Pipher, good health is so improvement for refugees to get a good start in a new country. Along these lines, I was happy to hear that the dad no longer has kidney stones, which had bothered him when I first met him.

Other big news- the eldest sister got a job at Popeye’s chicken downtown. She works 9-5 Monday to Friday, $8.25/hr, which is a pretty good schedule to get in good hours and still have time to be with her family on the weekends. Still, this salary is not sufficient for her to support her family, pay the rent, and pay back loans, so she told me she will try to apply to some better jobs in a few months.

Before I left today, we made plans for my next visit. Since my family and I share a common faith-Buddhism, I suggested that we go to temple together. Religion seems very important to my family and the mother, even though she has terrible motion sickness, said that if the trip isn’t too far, she would love to go next week. I will try to find the best temple and mode of transportation for next week’s trip.

We knew it had to happen eventually, but our family was not home when we stopped by. We’ve gotten really lucky in that our communication with them has been so great, but with their lax views on time and our strict adherence to it, we knew we couldn’t escape the miscommuncation forever.

We ended up leaving a note in their mailbox saying that we’d stopped by and were sorry we missed them, but I’m not entirely sure they know our names so they may not have understood the note anyway. It was just a bummer they weren’t home because we were going to take them to the zoo on Saturday, but we needed Thursday to plan the trip. I left my cell phone number on the note in case they still wanted to go, but they never called.

Better luck next time I guess!