The President of America(s)

“Is Obama the President of South America?”

When I heard this question a week ago, I immediately stopped what I was doing and stared at the man who innocently voiced this question in a mixture of awe and disbelief. The only thought going through my mind at this time was: what?

Gentle readers, some context: last week, Emma and I officially began tutoring the three boys of our family. They are all struggling in school – the oldest son, who was placed in ninth grade upon arrival to America, has the equivalent of a fourth grade education in the United States. To say that they need help catching up is an understatement.

So, Emma and I were working with the two youngest sons on their math and spelling homework, respectively, when the neighbors – another group of Nepalese refugees – came over to visit. They were eager to meet us, having heard (hopefully) good things about us from the boys’ parents over the weekend. The father, who did not look much older than myself, was sharing his appreciation for his new country with us when he asked how far South America was from Chicago. We explained that it was pretty far, and that it had a much different climate than Chicago, possibly more akin to the weather in Nepal than here.

Then he asked the question mentioned at the very beginning of this article. At the time, I remember thinking the question was funny – it was like something straight out of a movie. The newcomer asking a longtime resident a question that he, as an immigrant, has no good answer to, but naturally seems obvious to the longtime citizen (and subsequently, the audience). It was a good question, though, one that Emma and I were more than happy to set straight – that Obama was the President of the United States of America, which was a country in North America. He was not the president of two continental landmasses. Being a political science major came in handy in this situation!

I tried to ask how he came to the conclusion that the United States encompassed both North and South America, but judging by the look he gave me I think the question was lost in translation. Instead, Emma and I explained how North America was divided into three countries – Canada, the US, and Mexico – while South America had much more countries there. Mr. Neighbor asked if South America had democracies there. Once again, political science came in handy: I explained that there were some, but that some bad people controlled some of the countries there; bad people who mistreated their citizens. Mr. Neighbor nodded gravely, and expressed empathy for their plight.

This exchange made me wonder if this is how my teachers have felt at my questions all throughout my life. It’s a strange feeling, to possess the knowledge that others seek from a designated intellectual (or in this case, cultural) broker. It’s almost empowering, too. I’m not sure how I feel about it quite yet.

It does raise an important question for me, though. When the neighbor asked that question, he had the wide-eyed innocence and enthusiasm that one of the children I work with at after school programs at home or in Chicago have. So, I’m beginning to wonder if I might be talking down to these people – people who have seen and endured more suffering than I can possibly imagine.

Now, I don’t mean “talk down to” in a derogatory fashion. I mean, I’m not criticizing these people for being uneducated… With the limited grasp of English and geography that they have, and most likely an even smaller grasp on politics, I’m not surprised if they thought Obama was the leader of the continental Americas. what concerns me is that I want to treat them with the respect that they deserve as adults. It’s one thing for me to talk that way to the kids that I work with, but I couldn’t help but wonder if I crossed any lines with how I explained things to Mr. Neighbor.

Tomorrow I’m meeting with my family again. Maybe I’ll bring a map, so we can point out places in the US, or the world, and teach some new words to the family. Mr. Neighbor had been living in America with his family for nearly five months, and he still thought that Barack Obama was the leader of an entire continent. I can’t imagine what kind of assumptions my family has about America.

Who's teaching who?

When I signed up for this class I was extremely excited since I saw this as a way to give back to people that took care of me when I came to the United States.  Sure I am no refugee and probably did not have to deal with as much pain as them however I can surely relate.  I came here 5 years ago with little English, leaving all my friends and most of my family except mother to whom I was traveling to and sister who came along with me.  However, I still had to leave my two younger sisters, dad, grandparents and everyone else I really cared about behind. The day of leaving Lithuania (my native country) I knew I had to be strong not only for myself but because now I was completely responsible for my younger sister who was coming along with me and who was completely torn up as we stepped over the yellow line in the airport which completely separated us from the rest of the family.  We now were stepping into the new life that we didn’t choose.  We didn’t want to come here however, we didn’t have much choice.  That day my heart in a way cold.  I locked all my feelings/emotions away.  I think in a way it made me stronger and led me to get to where I am now: speaking English, first person to attend college in general and especially America and so much more.  I have been able to accomplish so much.  As an immigrant you are told that you won’t be able to do a lot especially as a first generation however, I think I have stepped that line long time ago.  Proving all those people that everything is possible if you just work really hard.  But getting back to my point, ever since our class started I have found that it has been harder and harder to keep myself together.  Before meeting my refugee family I was freaking out that I won’t be fit to help these people.  And sure now I am more confident because I realize that I can relate my experience of learning English and being without the family here.  However, Mary Pipher’s book has been completely tearing me apart.  It is so personal and makes me think about every single feeling that I have locked up ever since I left my country.  And I get really depressed and I miss everything.  And today I had one of those days and I really didn’t want to move out of bed and go see my family however that is my responsibility and I did.  And I watch those wonderful people interact.  They are always so happy and by watching them staying so strong I think that I can do it too especially because of how better my life situation is right now compared  to what they have now.  I have American friends, I speak English, have a good job and I know my way around.  So I can come in and teach them couple words of English the day I come but they have taught me so much more personally.  They showed me a whole new way to look at my life situation and I am extremely thankful for that.  Thanks my new family! :)

Everyone's a teacher

Steve and I took our first walk up to the home of our new friends, Bishnu and Muna, this weekend. We got there at the pre-arranged time, 1:00, and no one was home. We called, no answer. We knocked, uncomfortable silence standing in the hallway. So, we knew the neighbors were their relatives so we went ahead and knocked there. In no time we had three kids in front of us who spoke English. The adults hung back. No English, I assume. The kids said that our family would probably be back at 4 or 5 and that we should come back then. So, we left a note and our offering of bananas, apples, and plums with them, and went back to Steve’s place to kill some time.

When we returned at 4 pm, Muna opened the door and welcomed us in with a quiet greeting. Bishnu was sitting on the floor playing cards with three friends. He turned to look at us, slapped the couch next to him, inviting us to sit, and finished the hand. We sat, smiling and a little nervous.

The only expectation I actually had about visiting my family was that there would be kids. I’ve heard stories and I always picture apartments filled with kids and toys and homework. But just as it should be, my only expectation was wrong. This is an older family. The couple has two children, a son and a daughter, who are grown and working. Where I expected yelling children I found five gentle people who have seen many years, and Muna brought the two of us each a glass of Sunny D.

We passed a pleasant visit with them. One of the friends knew some basic English, and we were able to establish who we were, arrange meeting times, and compare the weather of Chicago with that of Nepal, where they spent 19 years in a refugee camp. We all enjoyed sharing simple vocabulary, and they taught us words for different items of clothing. They laughed kindly at the way I tripped over my tongue repeating the words, which I could never remember for more than a minute.We joked that we would be the English teachers and our new friend would be the Nepali teacher. Next Sunday, we will learn and teach more with our new friends.

My Nepali Friends

On Friday afternoon Molly and I went to visit our refugee family for the first time. Molly had just come straight from class and we were both worried we would be late. As we met at the L stop, rushed onto the train, rushed off the train, frantically found the address, and ran up the six flights of stairs, we both lost our breath. However, as we stood outside of the apartment door, we looked at each other and realized we were not out of breath because of the hurrying. We stood there for a moment fighting the adrenaline that kept our hearts racing. We knew we were about to begin something truly amazing. It was a chance to learn, grow, give, and share. As I knocked on the door we looked at each other and giggled. This was it.
At first the family seemed a bit confused. I asked them if the ECAC had told them we would be visiting today. After a few attempts at communicating my question their faces broke into smiles and they gestured for us to sit down. Luckily, a teenage boy who is related to the family had offered to visit with us that day. He introduced us to the whole family and helped us to understand everyone’s backgrounds. We went over names, ages, relationships, and how long each family member had been in the U.S. An awkward silence prompted me to pull out a deck of cards and offer that we play a game. They were enthusiastic to play with us- we spent over an hour teaching each other games. There is a strange sort of bonding that takes place when you teach and are willing to be taught. Molly and I learned a Nepali card game and we taught the boys how to play “go fish” and “BS”. Several times, we had to explain that there is only four of each type of card in a deck, but we all laughed every time. Inevitably, the boys had to correct us several times during their lesson about cards. It is this willingness to be wrong and to laugh at your mistakes that makes you most vulnerable- I truly believe that it is this vulnerability that makes you capable of friendship.
This brings me to my final anecdote. Molly and I returned only two days later (upon the request of the family) to teach English. After over two hours of working with the family on pronunciation and penmanship of the alphabet, as well as a few key phrases and new words, we began to carry on casual conversation with the more fluent family members. I was talking with the father of the group about activities we could do together, his upcoming ELL lessons, finding a job, and other topics. Somewhere along the way, I mentioned “my Nepali friends” (I visit another Nepali family once a week with another student from LRO). The father laughed at my statement and I shyly asked what was funny. He asked “Nepali friends?” and I replied “yes, another family I met when they first came to America”. Something must have clicked in his head, because he quickly stopped laughing and made eye contact with me. Until this point, he had been shyly looking around the room and had seemed indifferent to the conversation. However, he made sure to look me in the eye as he asked the question “are we friends?” I was touched by this man’s question and unsure of the response he wanted or expected, so I quickly decided it was best to be honest and replied “yes” with a smile. The man’s face broke into a large smile and laughter and he laughed out the words “ok, good. We’re friends”. That moment reminded me of how important relationships are in our lives. Even if I couldn’t give this man nice things, a great job, perfect English, or any of the other things he desperately needed, I could give him friendship. I was reminded that all of the awkward moments and frustrating language barriers are worth it. Our friendship is worth it.

Here We Go!

Hello everyone! My name is Katrina Badowski. I am a sophomore at Loyola University Chicago as an Anthropology/Sociology major and Psychology minor. I am currently enrolled in Anthropology361–Issues in Cultural Anthropology: Refugee Resettlement. In this Service-Learning class we simultaneously study the issues of forced migration and refugee resettlement throughout the world and immerse ourselves in the local community of refugees in the Rogers Park area. A classmate & I are assigned to a specific refugee family, who we visit at least 3 hours a week; then we are to post weekly blogs about our experiences. This is my first blog! (Just a heads up they won’t always be this long).

My partner Christina Chen and I have been assigned a refugee family that moved from Nepal to America in February 2010. Ama is the mother, Afa is the father, Di is their 12-year-old daughter, Dep is their 8-year-old son, and Billy is their 2-year-old son. They are ethnically Bhutanese, but 18 years ago, before Ama and Afa met, their families were forced from their homes in Bhutan to live in Nepalese refugee camps. It was not until afterwards that Ama and Afa were arranged in marriage. In 1 of 7 camps in Nepal, they started their family amongst 130,000 refugees. Once it was decided that they were to come to America, they got their immunization shots and packed a suitcase for each person that could not exceed 40lbs each. Afa’s mother and brother came with them. They had a connecting flight in Paris, which was the first time they had experienced elevators and human conveyer belts (nevertheless airplanes). They had another connecting flight in New York before arriving in Chicago. This was the first occasion they had seen snow. The 7 of them now live in a 1-bedroom apartment in a building with a broken intercom and dysfunctional elevators; many refugee families from all over the world currently reside in this apartment building as well. They now have a refrigerator and running water, things they did not have in Nepal. Afa works at a thrift store and is the sole provider of the family. He also attends ESL classes (ESL=English as a Second Language) along with his brother. Di and Dep walk 10 minutes to school. The family uses food stamps (US federal-assistance program to provide food to low- or no-income families) at the local market.

You might be surprised to know that I have attained all this information completely through communicating with this family during the 4.5 hours Christina and I spent with them this week. We met them for the first time on Saturday, 09/25/2010 at 1:30pm which lasted for 2 hours, and then visited again on Sunday, 09/25/2010 at 1:15pm which lasted for 2.5 hours. I am very impressed and ecstatic about the progress we have all ready made in getting to know this family. Stepping aside from the facts however, I would like to share with you some of my experiences and reactions.

Because the intercom was broken, another family let us in the apartment building while they were coming back from the market. Upon arriving at their apartment door for the first time, Di opened the door without knowing who we were and agreed to let us in when we asked. Christina and I later reflected that this is a safety concern for the children, especially for the fact that she was home alone at this time. We attempted to communicate to her who we were but she looked confused. We asked her where her parents were and after a couple attempts to communicate what we were asking, she signaled us to follow her down the hall to another residence. There we learned that relatives lived in the same floor, and they frequently shared much of their time together in each other’s places. There we met Ama, Dep, Billy, and Grandma. We quickly mimicked the way they pressed their hands together in front of their chests, as in prayer, and slightly bowed while we said “Namaste” as they had done to us. Then we walked back to their apartment down the hall to visit.

Their living room has 3 beds, a table, and 7 or 8 lawn chairs against the white walls. We went to sit and I noticed a backpack with Tinkerbell on it. Overly eager to connect with the children, I immediately commented to Di about how cute it was and asked her if she liked Tinkerbell. I was quickly taken aback when I found out she doesn’t know who Tinkerbell is. I saw her folder with Cinderella on the cover and asked her if she knew who Cinderella was. She said no. Looking back, I shouldn’t really have been surprised, but I was. I took for granted that a 12-year-old girl living in America would know who Tinkerbell and Cinderella are. She doesn’t even know what Disney is. A similar phenomenon occurred when I commented on Dep’s Chicago White Sox T-shirt that he was wearing. He does not know who the White Sox are—the MLB team of the city that he lives in. These instances illustrate the interesting aspect of refugee culture in America. They obtain many of their items through Salvation Army or donations of the like, and as a result they wear or use many things that have American symbols, words, or pictures that they do not know or understand. I had never considered this affect of refugee resettlement and so it blew my mind that these people know so little about the country and culture that they now live in. It doesn’t even phase them. They are unaware of the things that they don’t know, or even of the things they don’t have. I immediately self-reflect about the American culture, and specifically my own life. Name brands and fashionable items are an important part of my life. This family may not even know what these concepts are. I feel selfish and spoiled in this instance of realization that my American materialistic culture has affected me so much. We hope for Christmas gifts and designer bags while people halfway across the world hope to wake up to their parents and children still alive and well. We do not even think about these people but literally millions of them are making that very wish right now, even as I type this.

Di and Dep are the easiest to communicate with because their young minds can adapt to the new language quicker than adult minds. We often rely on them to translate between us and their parents, uncle, and grandmother. In one conversation I asked Di if her family had any pets in Nepal and what kind of animals were native to their village area. She told me that they had a pet cow that provided them with milk, and that wild elephants and monkeys would frequently come out from the jungle. I was very impressed with such an exotic description, and assumed that the wild animals were magical and pleasant experiences. I excitedly asked her “Did you get to pet and ride the elephants? Did you play with the monkeys?” She explained to me that the elephants were “bad” because they were a threat to safety and the people would have to flee the village to avoid danger that the elephants may cause. Monkeys were similar (although she did say that some were friendly). I felt very naïve to assume that wild animals from the jungle are just as they are portrayed on TV and in cartoons in our culture. I think Di understood that it was an honest mistake so she laughed. I am glad we can talk and laugh together about her old life, and I am very interested to learn more.

The family had never before used internet before living in America; now they absolutely love it. They (especially the children) are always on YouTube and Facebook, which is a convenient device to learn about American culture but still cherish their old culture by looking up videos and keeping in touch with fellow refugees in America they once knew in Nepal. Di showed us a video on YouTube of her and her friends performing a traditional Nepali dance at a local Refugee Festival earlier in the year. She looked beautiful in her traditional Nepali outfit, while she was in her element dancing to the traditional Nepali music. I told her that I, too, love to dance. She became very excited about this common thing we shared. Even though we belong to different cultures and have completely different pasts, we can still relate to one another through such a simple interest we share. I showed her some internet videos I am dancing in, and she loved them. It turns out she showed her friends after we left, and the next day they all asked me if I could teach them “American dance” next time I come to visit. I am SO excited to share this with them and make them happy. I am glad I have their approval and that they like me. For a while we shared dance videos with each other on the internet. One thing that concerns me is that the children have unrestricted access to the worldwide web, a concept that their parents do not comprehend as dangerous. They may inadvertently run into dangerous or inappropriate content for their young eyes and be exposed to things they shouldn’t see. Or worse, make relations with online predators. If such an event happens, their parents would have no way of knowing. I will definitely be watching over this throughout the semester.

This blog is all ready way too long and I still have so much to share! I will be posting again soon, seeing that I visit tomorrow morning. I hope you enjoyed learning about my experiences thus far, and I hope you have gained awareness about the issue of refugee resettlement! Follow me because I would love to share as much as I can to spread awareness and common knowledge about people like these that I work with. This is something I all ready really care about and I know my dedication and passion will only grow deeper as the semester progresses. I am very excited!