After so many weeks, its me again! I guess I am not too great at this blogging thing. I’ll have to work on it…

I really wish I could narrow the focus of this post to my recent adventures because I’ve had so many. I recently spent an incredible 6 day escapade in Kraków, Poland with 5 friends. Then this past weekend I spent 4 days in Tromsø, Norway (in the Arctic circle!) with 11 other people. I really do have so much to say about those experiences, but there is something resting on my mind that I can’t push out. So instead of discussing my monumental tour at Auschwitz, or how I saw the Northern lights with my very own eyes, I am going to hash out something very different….

I feel lost.

Clearly, I don’t mean physically… I also don’t mean that I am lost within the meaning and purpose of my life, bla bla bla. Strangely enough, I almost am ok with not knowing what I want to do with my life anymore, even though that has tormented me since I was quite young.

No, I feel lost because I don’t know who I am anymore.

Here I was, within the first two weeks of arriving in Norway, hiking with 5 guys through the forests of Frognerseteren. It is on the hill of Oslo, at the end of line 1 on the metro. It was a clear day down in Oslo, but after the 45 minute uphill train ride, we starting to see snow building up on the ground outside the windows. When we finally arrived, snow was actually falling. I was overjoyed at the sight, because this is why I came to Norway! To hike and ski and explore the snowy, cold landscape!

The hike was beautifully frigid. As we were just about to get back to the metro, I heard some music. This wasn’t ordinary music though, it was practically bumping as though the forest was having a rager. Keep in mind we were in the middle of nowhere so I was highly confused and thought I was imagining it. I told the other guys to listen and when it was confirmed that I wasn’t crazy, I urged them to go with me to see where it was coming from, even though that meant staying in the cold longer. I’ll never forget my friend Will when he said, “Always follow the music, it’ll never steer you wrong.”

Low and behold, we literally came across a party in the middle of nowhere. It was the law students going wild the week before their classes began. They had a red bull truck blasting music, hot dogs on barbies filling the air with yummy scents, and for fun, they were throwing bricks to see how far they could get them. Right before a person would through the brick, everyone would be chanting and yelling in Norwegian. The person at bat would chuck the brick as far as they could, some reaching farther than others. The whole scene was absolutely ridiculous and awesome all at the same time.

My friend Sam was the first to go grab a hot dog without really asking them. When the other guys saw that the students were ok with us crashing the party, they proceeded to go grab one as well. Out of nowhere, and especially without thinking, I joined in. By the time that we left the party in the forest, I had eaten 2 of the most delicious hot dogs.

There is nothing inherently wrong about eating a hot dog, except for the fact that I have been a vegetarian for 8 years. EIGHT YEARS. Then all of a sudden, with no remorse or contemplation, I just ate 2 for no reason whatsoever. Heck, I wasn’t even that hungry.

I probably sound crazy, but that’s just one small example illustrating how I don’t even know who I am anymore. How could I be a certain way for 8 freaking years, and then just forgo it without a single care in the world? It is not that I am mad at myself, because I certainly am far from it. However, I am just confused with myself. How can I do something with not even understanding why I did it?

A big problem is that I think unconsciously I thought my experience in Norway would be similar to the two month experience I had when I lived in Iceland this past summer. I learned so much there beyond academics. The best way I would describe it to people is that I learned so much about myself, about other people, and especially about how I interact with the world.

To elaborate, I learned I could be a truly great listener and that I am amazingly talented at getting strangers to open their lives up to me. I relearned how much I love reading, and I read so much especially when I returned from Iceland. And finally, I learned just how independent I am. I loved being by myself, venturing off whenever and wherever I wanted to. It was so freeing, I couldn’t get enough!

Here in Oslo, it’s a totally different story. I feel like I talk about myself way too much, I never feel like reading, and I feel so dependent! I can’t travel anywhere or do anything without the little crew I’ve grown accustomed to being around, and this bothers me! It’s like I just changed out of nowhere and I don’t understand why or how.

Right before sitting down to write this, I just had a really good conversation with two of my roommates, Cami and Frances. Cami is from Argentina and Frances from Canada. I had just gotten back from the gym and on the walk home all of this had really started to wear down on me. Without showering I just went into the kitchen because I saw they were there. I asked if it was ok if I talked about something bothering me, and they genuinely said of course, and then we spent a few hours just talking.

It honestly made me feel better. I was partially getting frustrated that I am spending so much time here with people that don’t really even know me and vice versa. We never really have deep conversations about life, love, hardship, anything for that matter. It is all just fun and games. Frances, on that note, had a good comeback; why don’t I change that? Why don’t I start and encourage conversation beyond the surface? Damn, good point.

Cami, in response to my fears of changing, said that everyone changes. I used to believe though that the core of every person stays the same, despite changing a lot on the outside. Nonetheless, she had a good retort to that. How do you differentiate between the surface and the core of a person? I shouldn’t be worrying about whether I am losing the very heart of who I am because it’s just not even possible to tell if I am or not.

I guess at the end of the day, and with a good 4 hours of valuable studying time gone, I still feel lost. However, I think like Frances said, I need to stop worrying and stop overthinking. Me changing might be a slow process that I never saw coming but it’ll be ok. Besides this is exactly what people always said will happen when you study abroad. (How cliche).

For now, you can catch me sticking around Oslo for the next few weeks, probably eating some chicken and hotdogs while I’m at it. I’ll try to post soon some details about all the spectacular places I have traveled to already and all the wonderful people I have met.

Until next time, Lola blog…

Hei hei! (As one would say in Norway to greet someone)

Forewarning: 

I honestly have no idea what to write in a blog, so bear with me. In fact, I never really wanted to write one, especially one with the possibility of others reading it. What changed my mind, is perhaps a mixture of events… First, everyone raves about the importance of blogs during their time abroad, which seems to be an indicator that I should change my stance on creating one for myself. Second, my memory is horrid and this may help me to account for many of my experiences soon to be had. And lastly, writing a blog is outside of my comfort zone, just like my study abroad experience–so why not? Here I go!

Backstory:

 If you haven’t read my bio as of yet, I guess I should introduce myself! My name is Shayna Milstein, a junior math major at Loyola who is originally from Colorado. I always knew I wanted to study abroad but the location kept changing until, by chance, I settled on directly enrolling at the Universitetet i Oslo (University of Oslo) in Norway. I arrived on January 6th, and since then have barely begun to catch my breath–but in a good way!

First few weeks:

First things first, I am so glad I decided to choose a program where I directly enroll at a university! Last summer I did a program for two months in Iceland that was completely organized. We were with 22 other students, our days were primarily planned, and our classes fixed. While that was an incredible experience in and of itself, I am super independent and therefore get a certain thrill from just being a regular student who happens to be studying in Norway. I get to do all the usual student activities: travel, explore, join organizations and sports, especially choose what I want to study.

I don’t ever have class on Fridays, which is a first for me. In fact, I feel like I rarely have class. Norwegians structure their classes very differently than in the States, and most work is to be done outside the classroom. Something to get used to I guess! I also went super outside my comfort zone yet again by taking not only courses needed for my graduation, but a Norwegian Language class as well. It is something I didn’t need or ever thought I’d want to take, but immediately upon arrival I felt this strong desire to learn the language. Forgetting the fact that it is 3 hours long, twice a week, it is probably my favorite class. I am utterly happy I took advantage of that opportunity despite the fact that now my course load senior year will be inevitably be denser.

It’s freeing that I can travel every weekend if I choose (I won’t because, well, money). So what I have been spending much of my time doing is meeting with friends, going out, and hiking. Everyone is so fit, healthy, and into nature here. That was one of the main reasons I wanted to come, so I am glad my expectations in that aspect were met and even exceeded.

Buddy Groups:

The University is split up into faculty, and given that I am studying math, I registered under the Faculty of Mathematics and Natural Sciences. Here we are then split into “buddy groups”. These are groups of exchange students from around the world and about 3 Norwegians, all of which are studying the same subject as you. So in my case, most of us study math. The purpose is to create friendships between various exchange students. I truly lucked out with mine because while my friends’ groups no longer talk, most people in my group have become some of my good friends here. In future blogs I wouldn’t be surprised if I continue to mention my group so I wanted to explain who they are for ease of reading!

In Closing:

That’s all for now, I really don’t want to write too much at one time, even though there is so much more to say. I’ll try to check back in sometime next week because tomorrow (bright and early!) I am traveling to Krakow, Poland for 6 days with 4 guys I’ve met here and one of my flatmates! Still can’t get over that in less time than it takes me to travel between Colorado and Chicago, I can be in a different country here, with a completely different language, history, and culture! I just love it!!

See you next week! Takk for i dag! (“Thanks for today”)

P.s. sunsets here are among the best I’ve ever seen. Even though the sun sets super early (around 3:30pm when I first arrived, now more around 4:30pm) it lasts for like an hour or two. This photo was from my walk home from the gym recently…