Untitled (Due to my protest for higher pay for writing for this publication)
by: John Norkus
The natives are restless. You’ve read about them, watched them – hell, some of you may have even participated in them. Of course I’m talking about protests. Protesting is the new black. (Wait did I just use the “________ is the new black” line? Damn it. That’s so cliché. I don’t know much, but I do know saying “____________ is the new black” is definitely not the new black. Oh wait, I was in the middle of something). Everybody’s taking to the streets, and no issue seems too small to fight for. From the “99%” of Occupy Wall Street, to the Penn State students, to my personal favorite movement “Ryan Gosling should be the Sexiest Man Alive instead of Bradley Cooper,” people are out for their causes in full force these days.
Of course, this has led me to wonder, What’s the deal? And what do these demonstrations accomplish? I mean Joe Paterno wasn’t magically reinstated as head coach (thankfully), the 1% is still the 1% (unfortunately), and, well, I don’t see People Magazine dropping any retractions of its coveted crown (tragically). So again someone tell me: what has any of this accomplished?
Now before everyone goes and starts a John Norkus protest out on Pearson Street or on floor cinco of the libre, don’t get me wrong: I’m not necessarily anti-protest and I get it generally. (Ok, now if that wasn’t a humble brag, I don’t know what is. To think people would care enough about some article I wrote to go and protest it…it’s ridiculous but I’m leaving it in. I feel my self-esteem growing already). People want their voices to be heard. Free Speech. Make a statement and the rest of the usual reasons. And I think a protest can be a valuable, useful tool in the right instance. But as of today I am taking a stand and letting the world know I have had it. I am protesting protesting. And I really hope that sentence reads okay because let’s face it, its a strange sentence.
But I’m serious here. If people want change, they need to take action. Now, I know a protest is taking action. But while it is, it isn’t. If people want to accomplish something they need to DO something. Like when McDonald’s refused to honor my “Free Big Mac Coupon” the day after the Bulls scored 100 points in a game I attended. Did I set up shop outside McDonald’s and write up a sign protesting McDonald’s unfair coupon practices? No. I threw the coupon up in the air in the middle of the store, stormed out, and vowed to never return to the land of Ronald McDonald. And look: McDonald’s was NEVER the same again. (Okay, that’s a small fib. McDonald’s is still open and doing quite well, so maybe my version of protest wasn’t the most successful either.)
But the point remains. If you hate Wall Street and the banking industry, then take your money out of banks and put it into credit unions (don’t worry I’m not taking credit for this idea; I read it in several interesting internet articles). If you think Paterno was wronged (barf) then stop going to Penn State football games. And, for the love of God, if you think Ryan Gosling should have been named “Sexiest Man Alive” over Bradley Cooper, then pick up the phone and cancel your People Magazine subscription today (I know I did).
Now you may be someone who likes to protest and are sitting here reading this thinking, “Man, this Norkus character is just being ridiculous. What does he know anyways?” That’s fine. Continue protesting. We can agree to disagree. I just think that all of these protests are accomplishing little except diluting any value that did exist in protesting. Because, and I’d just like to say I speak for the 99% on this (okay, maybe not the 99%, but I’m thinking at least the 93.7%), most people just tune all these protests out. Unless they affect your travel route, your Starbucks route, or any of your meals, you really don’t care. And the more they occur, the less people care – at least in my opinion.
Now if you are still unconvinced and are ready to go protest something right now, feel free to do so. You may be right. I may be crazy. Of course you may be wrong, but you may be right. And I may be wondering if I have to pay Billy Joel for using those words in this article. Whatever, I’m sure Blackacre has some budget for such things, and if not, well, then I’ll just protest my student activities fee or something. Anyways, I can’t worry about such things right now, I have to go burn my old copies of People.





